Expectations

This morning is our last morning at the beach.  Last night was the last night we were able to fall asleep listening to the crash of the ocean waves...well,  until we have another beach vacation.  I am so grateful for the time we have had to spend time together as a family.  While the kids and I spend every day together, Jared doesn't get to and it blessed my heart to watch him spend so much time with our babies and with me. :)  He works so hard and I was thankful to see him relax.  We had a great time even though the weather was cold, windy and rainy most of the week.  Which is what we would have dealt with at home, too...so it's better we were at the beach. ;)  I feel guilty because until recently, I didn't think a beach vacation would be possible for at least three to four years.

When I quit my job to stay at home I was so nervous.  I knew that there would be sacrifices.  A week before I gave my notice, we took a family vacation to this very area.  It was great.  I remember thinking so often during that time that maybe I was making the wrong decision (even though God had clearly orchestrated everything for me to quit.)  I thought that another family vacation on the same scale we took before was going to be out of the question until I returned to work in a few years.  However, God is faithful and I should never doubt Him.  He has blessed us beyond measure.  I know that there are people who would love to take a vacation and cannot for several reasons and no, I don't think that God gave us a vacation because we are more deserving than others.  I don't know why He provides for us so well at times...especially when I live my life worrying about one thing or another instead of trusting Him the way I should.  Even while writing this I am thinking, "Be careful what you write because the bottom could fall out from under you at any moment."  Which is true for all of us.  But God is faithful, gracious and merciful.  Reality is the "bottom" could fall out from any one who reads this at any time.  Not necessarily financially but in other areas as well.   It is good to recognize that without Christ and His blessings we have nothing and are nothing.  Unfortunately, I have lived a large portion of my life being far too aware that bad things can happen.  It's not even that I have had a lot of "bad things" happen compared to most...it's just when life is going really good, I start to get nervous that it's going to be really bad later.  There is hope though.  I don't have to live this way.  I read James 1 this week and saw that chapter in a whole different light.  The whole chapter spoke to me, but for the sake of time and to keep this post slightly shorter, I am going to highlight the following verses:

² Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ⁵ If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. ⁶ But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. ⁷ That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. ⁸ Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

The verses that popped out the most were verses 5-8.  During trials (and really anytime), wisdom is ours for the taking...we just need to ask God.  I am guilty of asking God for wisdom, but not doing so with an actual expectation that He is going to provide that wisdom or help right away.  The verses above say I shouldn't be that way.  Why doubt Him?  Why doubt that He isn't going to provide the help at the very moment I ask?  Why doubt that He isn't going to show Jared and I His will right away?  Why do I think that with every issue I have that God is either chastising me for something or trying to teach me something that is going to take a long time for me to get a handle on?  Why not believe that maybe, just maybe, all He really wants is for me to pray with expectation.  

Please know I do not mean that I should give God a wish list of material items and expect that He is going to give me what I want.  I also know that there are times that He does have me go through tests and trials for a lengthy amount of time for reasons that I only realize later and  even though I may pray with expectation of something happening, it's not necessarily going to happen because it's not God's will at that time.  I am also not at all saying that we don't need to seek God's will or garner strength by just praying and not reading His word.  Reading His word is essential to knowing the character of God (I stink at doing so most days).  However, when I am up to my eyeballs in a never ending laundry pile and household tasks, am dealing with a non-sleeping toddler who apparently is going deaf because he will not listen to a word I say and a growing preschooler who is testing her limits all.the.time, am stressed about possible future events, and am weary and sick (for weeks at a time) on top of it all...I can go to God with an expectation that He is going to restore and refresh me sooner rather than later.  I can expect that He is going to love me and provide me with the strength I need to get through this time.  I can expect that if I ask Him, I will have the wisdom I need to give godly and loving discipline to my children instead of trying fifteen different methods without any of them working.  I can expect that if I tell God about my fears and worries about possible future events, that He will comfort me. I can expect that if I lean on Him, He will give me the rest I need, that He will restore my soul and my body and that I will come out of this time with more knowledge of who He is and who I am in Him.  

I need to attend to some wild kiddos and finish packing, so I am not going to read over this to make sure it makes sense...even if I did, I don't know if it will make sense to others...but I hope it does.  

Goodbye ocean...it's been great once again.  As my sweet girl said though, "I'm ready to go to my 'real' house."  I love that she loves home.  Makes my heart happy for sure!

PS...sorry this is in two different fonts and sizes.  For some reason, I cannot access my toolbar to change this.  

"I didn't mean to do that." - "That wasn't supposed to happen."

Today while we were throwing a balloon around the house, Addi kept throwing it in the opposite direction that I thought she would and then would say, "Oops.  That wasn't supposed to happen."  It was so cute. :)

When she does something by accident (spill a drink, hit her daddy on the head, etc) she will say, "I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to do that."  We know when she says that it is really an accident because she NEVER says it when she does something on purpose.  Well, Brogan has picked up on this saying.  So, he will do something he knows he shouldn't be doing (tell daddy or mommy "no, no!", climb on the same piece of furniture he knows he isn't supposed to climb on 45 times a day, hit his sister, etc.) and thinks that he will not be punished if he follows the act with a quick, "I sorry.  I didn't mean to do that."  Of course, the term "punishment" is used lightly.  Punishments around here are pretty weak - we are working on being a bit more firm with these two.  Tough to do when they're just so cute. :)

Sweet Memory - Concert for Two

This post probably won't really appeal to anyone...just a memory I never want to forget.

Tonight Jared and I were able to sit on the couch and hold hands while we watched the best show ever...our children singing, dancing and acting silly to entertain us.  It was hilarious!  Brogan was playing the guitar (his sister's Dora guitar), but was holding it like a piano of sorts and also had a shaker thing in his other hand.  He would push the button on the guitar so it would play a song and would dance all around while Addi danced and hopped as well.  It was the sweetest, cutest and silliest show we've ever viewed.  Jared mentioned that they didn't have a care in the world and we agreed that's exactly how their childhood should be.  We are so thankful that they are carefree, happy and amazing little children.  I hope the shows continue for many years to come. :)  

Laundry Dream

Between Jared and I, our dirty laundry piles are usually pretty small.  Yes, I have a wonderful husband who helps me with the towels and his clothes at times (I won't let him do mine or the kids). ;)  Anyway, he has been super busy and I have been sick, and our laundry piles are fairly large at the present moment.  Apparently, this has stressed me out because last night I dreamed that I was standing on a mountain of dirty laundry.  Seriously, it was HUGE!  When I went to climb down from it, I realized that there were two mountains of dirty laundry.  Good news is, I am starting to feel much better and the first load of laundry is already in the washer. :)

When Life Hands You Lemons...

Jared has been very busy basically since before Christmas (as in working up to 80 hours or more a week).  He is a great father and spends quality time with our children every day, but due to his work schedule the quantity of time has been sorely lacking.  We've dealt with a few sicknesses in the last few weeks (both kids got pneumonia at different times, Brogan also had a sinus infection and then croup and now I have bronchitis a sinus infection and a stomach bug).  We've also received a few "minor" pieces of irritating news recently (nothing major at all, but all together is a lot).  So, the other day, when we realized that some of Jared's work obligations should be lighter in the next couple weeks, we decided that it is time for a vacation.  We are beach bound on April 27th for a week! :)  Cannot wait! Addi is already talking every day about riding a boat. :)  She seems to remember some of our vacation in August, so that just adds to her excitement.  We cannot wait to have some awesome family time and just soak in the sun.

You are a Gem

Dear Addi,

You are beautiful.  PLEASE don't ever let anyone make you believe different.  You were formed by God...created in HIS image. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.  You are smart and kind, silly and funny.  You are loving and amazing.  You are incredible.

It breaks my heart to think one day you may question any of these things that I just told you.  As tears fall down my face as I type this, I pray that you will always believe what Mommy and Daddy tell you about yourself.  More importantly, I pray that you will believe what the Bible says about you.  Read Psalm 139 every single day if you must, but please, sweet one, don't EVER question your worth.

I love you so much!  Thank you for being you...YOU are wonderful!!

Love,
Mommy

Bad Dream

This morning I woke up with probably extremely high blood pressure...my head is still pounding, but at least now my breathing has normalized.  Right before I woke up, I dreamed that Addi had drowned in the bathtub.  It was just a terrible, terrible dream that literally made me feel ill upon waking.  When I woke up, I almost ran to Addi's room, but thought twice about it because I didn't want to wake her up by startling her. I was so thankful when she and Brogan woke up and I knew that my kids were OK.  I am sitting here now, watching my sweet babies as they have their morning Dora "fix" and am just so thankful for them.

Why am I typing this out?  Well, I was hoping by doing so that it would help me finally calm down 3 hours after the dream.  Between thanking God out loud for some of my blessings, typing this, and having my cute little man come up while I was typing and ask me to sing with him (which of course, I did), I am feeling better now and can resume normal activities.  I have a feeling I will be thanking God for the amazing blessings of my sweet kiddos even more today...and they may get tired of all the hugs.

HORRIBLE dream, but a good reminder to not take life for granted.