That song has such special meaning to me. When my water broke while naturally miscarrying, I lost it. The reality of what was happening pretty much felt like a slap in the face at that moment and I started screaming out in rage and throwing things. I said some mean things to God. Things I'm not proud of. I accused Him of stealing my baby...the baby He created (even though I've always been well aware that our children are just on loan from Him). I told Him that what He was doing was ridiculous. I begged Him to change His mind and stop everything. God - who is so gracious and merciful - literally met me in my deepest despair and I suddenly had such peace that I started singing this song. I didn't even know all the words, so I pulled the lyrics up on my phone. I found such comfort while singing each verse. Jared and I sat down and listened to it on the computer while tears streamed down my face. It was such a raw, emotional, yet, beautiful moment. I will NEVER forget it. I had began delivering the corpse of my baby and was in extreme physical and emotional distress, yet, I had Hope. I knew that in the end everything would be OK. I still cling to that Hope daily...waiting for His plan to be revealed.
Is it really well with my soul? Yes. It is well because I have a Savior who loves me. He meets me where I am...whether it's the lowest of lows or the highest of highs. He intercedes for me when I don't have the words to pray. He places my tears in a bottle. He knows the number of hairs on my head. He has ordered my steps. He is victorious, therefore, I am victorious. I do not pretend to understand His ways; He doesn't make any sense. Yet, I know that His plan is far better than mine. I know that because I have seen the way He has worked before.
I didn't break down in Hobby Lobby. I bought the sign and promptly cried as soon as I got in the car. The crying was more joyful than sorrowful...thankful for my God; thankful that He cares; thankful that it really is well with my soul.
No comments:
Post a Comment