I have waited to post this blog for a few reasons, but since I stink at sitting down and writing in a journal, and since I am now 14 weeks pregnant, I figured if I don't start capturing details of this pregnancy, I may never get around to doing it. Here's to hoping I will actually blog more than I recently have! :)
A bit of background...
After trying to conceive for a year, and taking a round of Clomid, I was told by a doctor last February that my chances of getting pregnant without meds were impossible and the outlook of getting pregnant and/or staying pregnant with meds didn't seem too great either. We were crushed. I'll never forget Jared's reaction to this news. As soon as I told him, he said it was like God told him to just praise Him. So he did and I did my best to follow his lead. Jared is an amazing spiritual leader of our home!!!
We learned so much about God during this time. Sure we hurt deeply, there was rarely (if any) a day that went by that we didn't think about it. I shed many tears of sorrow, but I also shed tears of joy just because God is God. How awesome and amazing He truly is. Our biggest prayer throughout this time was that God would align our desires to be exactly what His desires were for our lives. If this meant not having children - though we knew it would hurt - we were willing to accept it.
Not being able to shake the desire of wanting to have children, we decided to look into the adoption process. In June we went to a seminar to gather more information about adopting a child from Russia. We were excited about this idea...but not excited about the price. Just a side note: It's absolutely RIDICULOUS how much it costs to adopt a child. There are people longing to be parents, children longing to have parents, and yet the cost is so substantial that it can be nearly impossible for an average couple to adopt. We walked out of the seminar feeling a bit dejected, but we continued to pray and seek God.
In early July Jared finally convinced me to make another appointment with a new doctor to discuss fertility treatments - he even did the research to find out who I should go see. So sweet of him! :) Anyway, I reluctantly agreed, knowing that my insurance did not cover any treatments. I made the appt. for the first week in August just to put off the inevitable! About three weeks before the appointment, I started feeling a bit "off." I took a pregnancy test just because that is what I had grown accustomed to doing any time I felt weird. The test was negative. As the feeling continued and seemed to worsen, Jared and I were both getting a bit worried about what was wrong with me.
Finally, Thursday, July 30th, on a whim, I decided to get another pregnancy test though I truly felt like I was just wasting our money. I took the pregnancy test and it had two lines, which meant I was pregnant. I immediately took a picture of the test and sent it to my sister, Brandy who was enjoying a meal with her fiance. I'm sure that was an appetizing picture...haha! Anyway, she said they both saw two lines. I still didn't believe it and Brandy - being the voice of reason that she is - told me to wait until the morning and take another one. So at 4:30 in the morning I took another one and eventually there were two lines on that one. I STILL did not believe it. To keep a long story short, I took 4 more tests and was finally somewhat convinced that I was pregnant. I told Jared that Friday night (though I had to wait until we got back from a church dinner before I could tell him) and he was in complete shock, but very excited.
On Tuesday, August 4th, the appt. that was meant to discuss fertility options instead became an appt. to confirm our little miracle!!! We saw the baby on the screen and saw the heart beating and we were instantly in love with this amazing child who was only the size of a grain of rice. We walked out of the doctor's office, sat on a bench, and promptly called our parents to tell them the news. :)
We don't know why we had to go on the journey we did to get to where we are, but we are happy we did. It was a time that taught us a lot about God and ourselves and opened our eyes to a hurt that so many couples in the world endure - infertility. We NEVER want to forget the feelings we had during that time so that we can continue to empathize and pray for those who are still waiting for their little miracle. We also haven't felt released from adopting, and if God desires for us to adopt at some point, we will be thrilled to be able to do so. Who knows what God has in store!
We are continuing to pray for a safe and healthy pregnancy, a healthy and happy child, and most importantly that God will be glorified in all three of our lives. EVERY child is a miracle from God, but we can't wait to be able to tell our child why he/she is such an amazing miracle to us!! Our prayer is that our child will grow to love the Lord more than anything else in this world. Thank you for joining us on this journey!! :)
