It never fails. Right before or after any big change in my life, I start to freak out...even if it is something I REALLY want. When we decided to move from Blacksburg, VA to Charlotte, I freaked out (even though I had wanted to get out of Blacksburg before I even moved there.) Right after we had Addi and brought her home, I freaked out (even though I REALLY wanted her!) Same thing happened with Brogan (even though I REALLY wanted him!) Knowing my history, it should not surprise me that I have started freaking out about staying home.
What if I am not really cut out for being a stay-at-home mom and wife?
What if the kids hate being around me all the time and miss daycare?
What if Jared is disappointed with my daily routine?
What if he loses his job?
What if we have a financial crisis?
What if I realize that I made a big mistake?
What if...what if...what if? Ugh...the "what if's" are killing me!!!
So instead....
What if I love staying at home even more than I thought?
What if the kids think being home with mommy is way better than daycare?
What if we look back at this time and are amazed at how God provided far more than we imagined?
What if the kids only have to go to the doctor for sick visits less than three times each a year?
What if this just happens to be some of the best times of our lives?
What if we love almost every single second of it?
Those "what if's" aren't scary. They are so wonderful to think about it. Now if I could just train my mind to think this way all the time. I am so glad God is patient with me. :)
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Monday, August 27, 2012
Two Weeks!!
I did it. I gave my two-week notice at work today. I still can’t believe this is happening. Not everyone gets this opportunity. I will never take it for granted. I will cherish it. I will take it seriously. I will enjoy every single minute of it. I am so thankful.
Two years, four months and one day ago Addi started daycare. One year and 27 days ago Brogan started daycare. Countless tears were shed during this time (not by them, by me). Leaving them never really became easier. My heart hurt. I missed them. I didn’t want to be at work. And now, here I am…finally about to bear the title I’ve longed to have for so long, I will be a Stay-At-Home-Mom!!!
God, You are good. You were good through the pain. You were good through the stress and chaos. You were good when I wasn’t good to You. I was mad at You. You listened to my frustrations and then You would comfort me. How I must have pained You. Yet, You were faithful when I was unfaithful. Faithful you will stay.
Jared, You are an incredible husband. Aside from God, you bore the brunt of my frustrations. I hurt you. I was mean – horribly mean. I was so angry. You didn’t deserve it. You persevered. You remained steady. You worked even harder. You didn’t give up…on me or on my dream. God made this possible, but He used you to help make this possible. Now, I get to help make your life a little easier (no more dishes and vacuuming for you!) I am forever grateful.
Two weeks to go. In some ways it’s felt like an eternity getting here, in some ways it still feels like an eternity to get there. Two weeks until the next journey in our lives begin. I cannot wait!
Two years, four months and one day ago Addi started daycare. One year and 27 days ago Brogan started daycare. Countless tears were shed during this time (not by them, by me). Leaving them never really became easier. My heart hurt. I missed them. I didn’t want to be at work. And now, here I am…finally about to bear the title I’ve longed to have for so long, I will be a Stay-At-Home-Mom!!!
God, You are good. You were good through the pain. You were good through the stress and chaos. You were good when I wasn’t good to You. I was mad at You. You listened to my frustrations and then You would comfort me. How I must have pained You. Yet, You were faithful when I was unfaithful. Faithful you will stay.
Jared, You are an incredible husband. Aside from God, you bore the brunt of my frustrations. I hurt you. I was mean – horribly mean. I was so angry. You didn’t deserve it. You persevered. You remained steady. You worked even harder. You didn’t give up…on me or on my dream. God made this possible, but He used you to help make this possible. Now, I get to help make your life a little easier (no more dishes and vacuuming for you!) I am forever grateful.
Two weeks to go. In some ways it’s felt like an eternity getting here, in some ways it still feels like an eternity to get there. Two weeks until the next journey in our lives begin. I cannot wait!
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Bones, Beach, Blechs...
Since this is a blog that I hope will serve as somewhat of a journal for our children, I feel I need to mention that Brogan fractured his leg last month. How? We have no idea. In fact, he didn't start showing signs of limping until it had already started healing. I felt like the worst mommy ever when we took him in for an x-ray and they said, "He has a fracture. It appears to be about two weeks old and is already healing." Anyway, no cast was needed and on August 8th, he received a clear bill of health. I am now paranoid that he is going to fracture it again, or fracture something else. Every time he falls (which is a lot...he likes to dive off of furniture, run into things, etc), I cringe.
We had a phenomenal time on our beach vacation! Addi and Brogan LOVED the ocean!! A few memories, I hope to always remember:
1. The first time the children saw the ocean. I was trying to keep my expectations low because I thought it might scare them a little bit at first. It did not. They ran right in. Brogan had the water hit his face at least three times and just laughed. When the water hit Addi's face, she would throw her head back and look at the sky and yell, "Eww, yucky!!" All while giggling, of course. I had NO idea I would be so overcome with emotion. I stepped back for a minute and watched Jared play with both kids and I cried. I thanked God right there for the opportunity to experience something so wonderful with our children. When we were at the beach a little over three years ago, we didn't even think I'd be able to have children and to see our two babies playing and laughing completely blessed my soul.
2. The first morning we were at the beach, Addi and I went for a walk. It was early and no one was really in the water yet. Addi picked up on this and decided she didn't want to be in the water either. When it came near her, she looked at the ocean, pointed her finger and said, "No ma'am, Ocean!" This amused everyone around us. I politely told her that I was glad she had such confidence, but that only God could command the ocean. ;)
3. Boats - We took a boat ride on the Cape Fear river as well as a Ferry ride to Southport. I'm not sure if the kids were as excited as I was, but they definitely enjoyed them. :)
4. We went to the Christmas Shop in Southport. Love it there! Addi loved the candy shop and suckered daddy into getting her more than he originally had planned to.
5. We allowed the kids to have way more ice cream than we normally allow. In fact, they've never had their own bowl of ice cream before this trip. One day when we were headed to get some, the following conversation occurred:
Addi: I want ice cream.
Me: I know you do. We will get some shortly.
Addi: I don't want shortly, I want ice cream.
6. The kids were so social. I knew they were both pretty social any way, but I was amazed at how both of them told so many people, "Hi!" I felt sorry for the people who had dogs...they didn't just get greeted by hello's. Brogan would run straight up to them yelling, "dog, dog!"
7. The car ride to and from the beach was four hours. The kids did great!!
8. Since we had not taken a week vacation since before Addi was born, Jared and I had to adjust to how vacations will be for the next couple decades. We didn't mind this at all...it was just weird not being on our own time table. We truly enjoyed the time we got to spend on our deck at night looking at the ocean and talking while our babies slept. Though it was a crazy, hectic vacation at times, I wouldn't trade it for the world. We love our new normal. :)
Anyway, we came back to reality last Saturday. We were all sad. So sad that the kids and I went outside and played in the water for an hour. This past week was crazy as always. Brogan got a stomach bug on Tuesday, Addi followed suit on Thursday, I succombed to it on Friday night, and now Jared is feeling achy. Blech. Oh well, at least we didn't get sick while we were on vacation.
Here's to another week...it's going to be a VERY exciting one! More details to come on Monday evening!!! :) Until that time, have a great week! :)
We had a phenomenal time on our beach vacation! Addi and Brogan LOVED the ocean!! A few memories, I hope to always remember:
1. The first time the children saw the ocean. I was trying to keep my expectations low because I thought it might scare them a little bit at first. It did not. They ran right in. Brogan had the water hit his face at least three times and just laughed. When the water hit Addi's face, she would throw her head back and look at the sky and yell, "Eww, yucky!!" All while giggling, of course. I had NO idea I would be so overcome with emotion. I stepped back for a minute and watched Jared play with both kids and I cried. I thanked God right there for the opportunity to experience something so wonderful with our children. When we were at the beach a little over three years ago, we didn't even think I'd be able to have children and to see our two babies playing and laughing completely blessed my soul.
2. The first morning we were at the beach, Addi and I went for a walk. It was early and no one was really in the water yet. Addi picked up on this and decided she didn't want to be in the water either. When it came near her, she looked at the ocean, pointed her finger and said, "No ma'am, Ocean!" This amused everyone around us. I politely told her that I was glad she had such confidence, but that only God could command the ocean. ;)
3. Boats - We took a boat ride on the Cape Fear river as well as a Ferry ride to Southport. I'm not sure if the kids were as excited as I was, but they definitely enjoyed them. :)
4. We went to the Christmas Shop in Southport. Love it there! Addi loved the candy shop and suckered daddy into getting her more than he originally had planned to.
5. We allowed the kids to have way more ice cream than we normally allow. In fact, they've never had their own bowl of ice cream before this trip. One day when we were headed to get some, the following conversation occurred:
Addi: I want ice cream.
Me: I know you do. We will get some shortly.
Addi: I don't want shortly, I want ice cream.
6. The kids were so social. I knew they were both pretty social any way, but I was amazed at how both of them told so many people, "Hi!" I felt sorry for the people who had dogs...they didn't just get greeted by hello's. Brogan would run straight up to them yelling, "dog, dog!"
7. The car ride to and from the beach was four hours. The kids did great!!
8. Since we had not taken a week vacation since before Addi was born, Jared and I had to adjust to how vacations will be for the next couple decades. We didn't mind this at all...it was just weird not being on our own time table. We truly enjoyed the time we got to spend on our deck at night looking at the ocean and talking while our babies slept. Though it was a crazy, hectic vacation at times, I wouldn't trade it for the world. We love our new normal. :)
Anyway, we came back to reality last Saturday. We were all sad. So sad that the kids and I went outside and played in the water for an hour. This past week was crazy as always. Brogan got a stomach bug on Tuesday, Addi followed suit on Thursday, I succombed to it on Friday night, and now Jared is feeling achy. Blech. Oh well, at least we didn't get sick while we were on vacation.
Here's to another week...it's going to be a VERY exciting one! More details to come on Monday evening!!! :) Until that time, have a great week! :)
Saturday, August 4, 2012
The Journey of A Thousand Miles...
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. I don’t know who said that. I googled it and apparently there is some conflicting opinions on the originator of this quote. This much I know…it was someone in China…at least that seems to be the general consensus.
Anyway, I have been thinking of this quote a lot lately. I know you are dying to know the reason (haha). I can’t say yet. It’s a secret (and no, not a baby secret). Speaking of babies…after you have one, or two and they are only 14.5 months apart, the following conversations happen a lot:
Me: I’m really tired today.
Person B: Do you think you’re pregnant?
Me: I’m not feeling very well.
Person B: Do you think you’re pregnant?
Me: I have great news!
Person B: Are you pregnant?
Me: My daughter is 2, my son is 1.
Person B: So, are you planning on having another one soon?
One thing I learned during my infertility journey is that people are absolutely crazy and insensitive when it comes to the topic of having children. You don’t just go up to someone and say, “So, when are you getting out of debt?” Yet it’s OK to ask a couple about something as private as the decision to have children? Not cool….even if the couple is just married and you know without a shadow of a doubt that they do not want children…NEVER ask that question!
It’s also not OK to ask someone if they planned to have their children so close together in age. I get asked this question quite a bit from people who I don’t even know. They’ll see me in the store with one toddler hanging out of the cart and the other toddler screaming because he is hungry and this will happen:
Person B: They are so cute!
Me: Thank you (while trying to smile sweetly, stick a paci in Brogan’s mouth and prevent Addi from jumping out of the cart).
Person B: How old are they?
Me: 1 and 2.
Person B: Wow, you have your hands full! (As if they really needed to tell me that at the present moment) Did you plan it that way?
Me: No, but I didn’t plan to deal with infertility before my daughter was born and after she was born someone forgot to tell my ovaries that it was time to close up shop for a little while.
OK…I don’t really say that last line, but seriously?!? Is it really your business when you don’t even know me???
Usually, I just look at them, ignore their stupid question and say, “Yeah, it’s a bit crazy, but we are so blessed!”
And blessed we are. So, to bring this post full circle…we are blessed because….Well, I have to make you wait, but just remember:
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
Anyway, I have been thinking of this quote a lot lately. I know you are dying to know the reason (haha). I can’t say yet. It’s a secret (and no, not a baby secret). Speaking of babies…after you have one, or two and they are only 14.5 months apart, the following conversations happen a lot:
Me: I’m really tired today.
Person B: Do you think you’re pregnant?
Me: I’m not feeling very well.
Person B: Do you think you’re pregnant?
Me: I have great news!
Person B: Are you pregnant?
Me: My daughter is 2, my son is 1.
Person B: So, are you planning on having another one soon?
One thing I learned during my infertility journey is that people are absolutely crazy and insensitive when it comes to the topic of having children. You don’t just go up to someone and say, “So, when are you getting out of debt?” Yet it’s OK to ask a couple about something as private as the decision to have children? Not cool….even if the couple is just married and you know without a shadow of a doubt that they do not want children…NEVER ask that question!
It’s also not OK to ask someone if they planned to have their children so close together in age. I get asked this question quite a bit from people who I don’t even know. They’ll see me in the store with one toddler hanging out of the cart and the other toddler screaming because he is hungry and this will happen:
Person B: They are so cute!
Me: Thank you (while trying to smile sweetly, stick a paci in Brogan’s mouth and prevent Addi from jumping out of the cart).
Person B: How old are they?
Me: 1 and 2.
Person B: Wow, you have your hands full! (As if they really needed to tell me that at the present moment) Did you plan it that way?
Me: No, but I didn’t plan to deal with infertility before my daughter was born and after she was born someone forgot to tell my ovaries that it was time to close up shop for a little while.
OK…I don’t really say that last line, but seriously?!? Is it really your business when you don’t even know me???
Usually, I just look at them, ignore their stupid question and say, “Yeah, it’s a bit crazy, but we are so blessed!”
And blessed we are. So, to bring this post full circle…we are blessed because….Well, I have to make you wait, but just remember:
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
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