Recent Loves

Recent loves....

1.  Brogan's laughter when I make him "big and tall like mommy."  Which is standing him up on his crib and asking him, "What's up?"  His response is always the same...."The sky!" followed by lots and lots of giggles. :)

2.  The times Addi actually decides to sleep.  Which is rare these days. She was so tired yesterday that she fell asleep on the floor at 5:30 pm.  Yet, when we put her to bed for the night or even a nap now, she REFUSES to sleep.

3.  The ability (by the grace of God) to bite my tongue and keep my mouth shut when a certain someone felt the need to give us unsolicited advice as to why she thinks our daughter doesn't want to go to sleep. :)  For the record, those of you who read this blog are free to give advice if you like.  :)

4.  Sweet encouragement from a lady at church.  A lady who doesn't read my blog and yet felt compelled to share with me and encourage me today.  It was not a coincidence...it was a God "thing."

5.  Our church.  It is amazing.  We had great fellowship with some people on Thursday night and we just love going to our services.  We are so blessed!

6.  When Jared comes through the door each day after work.  It's like a circus event...seriously the kids and I get so excited!  Jared does too. ;)

7.  Sunny days...just because they never get old.  :)

8.  Addi sharing with her brother.  It is super sweet.  They both get fruit snacks from their teachers after church on Sunday mornings.  This is the only time they get fruit snacks so they LOVE that treat.  Brogan's class didn't get any today. I told Addi.  She said, "It's OK.  I will share with him."    We didn't even have to ask...she just volunteered. She gave him two pieces.  He asked for more.  She gave him one more.  Considering there are only like 8 - 10 in the bag, I thought that was quite generous of her.  Brogan was happy with her generosity and Jared and I were so proud of her! :)

9.  The rough days...it makes me even more thankful for the better days.

10.  Jesus.  I am so thankful for Him every day.  He puts up with so much from me and loves me just the same.  I can't comprehend how He does this and yet, He does.  So grateful!!

Too Much Pressure

I am on the brink of hyperventilating, so I thought I'd write a quick post instead. (I am positive I have already posted at least one other post like this in the past...so feel free to skip.) I have such a love / hate relationship with Pinterest, parenting blogs and Facebook. I try to stay off Pinterest most days, but after another rainy day, I succumbed to looking at it a little too long today. I have read so many great and creative ideas of activities to do with Addi and Brogan and some of the ideas have been a huge hit!  However, I ALWAYS end up feeling like a horrible mother because I feel I am not doing enough with my children.  I am not teaching enough, playing enough, singing enough, reading enough...blah, blah, blah.  Then I start to wonder if they are behind in their education and think that I have missed out on valuable opportunities to teach them life lessons in a way that will stick with them forever.  Sometimes I feel guilty that I removed them from daycare because they had more interaction with other kids when they weren't with me and maybe they would have learned more there than with me. Part-time wasn't even an option at their daycare and I desperately wanted to be home with them. I love that I am at home with them and yet I live under constant condemnation (from myself...not anyone else). So, here I am...once again in tears feeling like I'm not enough for these precious children that God entrusted in our care.  It's a tough battle...one I didn't realize was even potentially possible before I had kids.  Pre-kiddos, I was certain I would rock mommyhood.  I knew I would love my kids with all my heart and I do.  I also knew that I would care for and nurture them and I do.  I didn't realize that I would CONSTANTLY feel like I was screwing it all up.  My kids seem well-adjusted and happy.  They are learning.  They are loving to people.  It rips my heart out though if I think for a second that they are bored because I start to feel like they would be better off in someone else's care (during the day, not all the time).  I do know that boredom every now and then fosters creativity, but still I feel like I should be able to be a creative mommy every single day (multiple times a day), I should constantly have the household tasks completely under control, I should have playdates lined up multiple times a week and we should have designated school times every week day, etc.  Reality is though...while we are on a routine, sometimes we aren't. Sometimes we skip everything and just play, snuggle, read and goof-off the entire day.  Some days we don't even sing the alphabet and only count to ten because we do that when we play hide and seek.  Sometimes we watch multiple episodes of Barney because I just don't know what else to do, I need to focus on cooking / cleaning, or I just don't *feel* like playing / reading because I have been up for multiple nights in a row with a child (right now it is Addi...every.single.night...multiple times a night).  I know some of you may read those confessions and will agree that I'm screwing it up.  However, it's reality.  I just keep reminding myself...my babies, they know without a shadow of a doubt that mommy and daddy love them.  They know that at any moment of the day (when I am with them) they can run up to me and ask for a hug or a kiss and I will stop everything to grant their request.  They know that we think they are amazing, smart and funny.  They both know they are gifts from God.  They know they are royalty, too. ;)  They are at peace in our house.  Creativity and learning might be at a minimum on some days, but "I love you's" are said at least once every hour.  If I can just dwell on the positives and try not to focus on what I might be doing wrong, I think I will be OK.  At least for now...another moment of panic diverted by just typing this completely jumbled up  and unedited post.  If you read this far, you should seriously receive a reward.  So...I will gift you a token. In our house, when you receive 7 tokens you get a special surprise.  Works for the kiddos. ;)

A Letter to Brogan (Better late than never!)

*I originally started to write this on 6/27 (a month after Brogan turned 2...it is now 7/21 and I am finally finishing it. Oops.)

Dear Brogan,

This is a month late.  Today you are two years old and one month.  I can't believe how fast time is going by and it seriously makes me want to cry. It is so tough to watch you grow and yet so amazing at the same time.  You are supposed to be growing, I just wish it wasn't happening so fast.  Truth is, that is  probably why you still get to sleep with your pacifier.  Admittedly, since you will probably be our last baby, it's even a bit tougher than it was/is watching your sister grow at times.  But grow you must, and you are so good at it.

You have an amazing personality.  You love to say, "hi," "hello there," and "hey" to everyone you see. You also let people know if they look scary...seriously, you will say, "You scare me, man!" to anyone you think looks a little different. This is slightly embarrassing (actually a lot embarrassing), but we know that with everything else, you will soon grow out of doing this.  At least we hope and pray that you do. ;)  

You are laid back and yet, you are also not laid back.  Most of the time you are pretty easy to please, but when you decide you want to be doing something different,  you let us know....loudly.  You are also NOT laid back at bed time.  You typically go to sleep OK, but you scream and cry at all sorts of random times during the night.  Mommy is exhausted, by the way, so if you could stop doing this, that would be amazing! (This actually has changed since I started writing this letter almost a month ago...so, great job, little buddy!  Mommy and Daddy are so proud of you!!!)

You were born big (8 lbs, 13 oz and 22.5 inches long), but at two years of age, you are actually a little small for your size.  Much to my surprise, all of your twelve month shorts and most shirts that you wore last summer still fit. You are wearing some 18 month shirts and jon-jon's (due to lenghth), but most 18 month shorts are too big. You do not let your size stop you.  You enter most rooms with confidence and you love to strut around like you are so grown.  :)

You are mischievous and curious...just as a little boy should be. :)  I think it's adorable and exhausting.  You love to climb onto EVERYTHING. You love to hide and will not answer me when I am screaming calling for you multiple times.  However, when we play a "real" game of hide-and-seek, you get so excited when someone starts looking for you that you squeal and jump out yelling, "Here I am!" You also love to get into my make-up.  Mascara is your favorite, followed closely by lipstick.  We are working on that. ;)

You are not an easy guy to discipline.  First of all, you are cute and you know how to pull at our heartstrings.  The "mommy glare" that most moms are able to give their children, doesn't work on you  You laugh when I do it and make a face back at me.  Time-out doesn't phase you.  Sometimes, you will even ask to go to time-out.  You are going to make sure that your daddy and I come up with clever ways to discipline throughout the years.  Go easy on us...we're learning just as you are.

You LOVE your routines.  You help keep us all in line.  You know that we brush teeth, change your diaper and say our good night prayers in that order.  If we try to switch it up on you, you tell us.  You refuse to eat before we pray.  Your sister does, too.  It's a very good habit to be in.  ALWAYS make thanking God a priority.

Your favorite thing to do in all the world right now is to sing, play your guitar or shake your "happy clap."  You know the lyrics to countless songs...not just children songs, but a lot of Christian songs, too.  There are certain songs that you absolutely have to have your toy guitar to play and others that you have to have  your "job" (microphone) in order to sing.  The other day, we were at the fire station and you even used the step on the fire truck as a piano. ;)  It's adorable and we just love to hear you sing. :)

You love your sister.  She is your best friend.  You will do anything that she does.  You two make each other laugh all the time.  You guys also fight, but within seconds, you both forget about it.  I love that about you two. :) My prayer is that you will always stay best friends.

You are loving and funny.  You are feisty and clever.  You are smart and confident.  You are amazing and perfect just the way you are.

We love you so much!

Love,
Mommy

Life Lately

For the past 3 and a half years, Jared has been blessed to be able to work from home.  That all changed this week.  He now works in an office outside the home.  While he was almost always super busy when he was working at home, we still were able to pop our heads in every now and then to tell him we love him.  We can't do that anymore and the kids and I have had a bit of a hard time adjusting.  Both kids will tell me multiple times a day that they miss their daddy.  It kind-of breaks my heart, but it also thrills my soul to know that they love their daddy so much.  (Side note:  Jared and I are so incredibly grateful for the opportunity that he was offered that has caused him to work outside the home. God is good!)

A prayer request:  Please pray for Jared.  He is so incredibly busy right now between what he is now doing plus freelancing commitments he already made prior to this new opportunity.  He is working almost non-stop while he is awake.  He is tired.  We know this is temporary.  We know we are blessed.  Even so, he needs prayer, please.

Things I love recently:

1.  Splash pads.  They are so nice on super hot days (which is every single day).  I adore how Brogan will say, "There is so many waters!"  :)  

2.  Sunshine.  We've had more this week than last and we are so happy!

3.  Playdates.  The kids enjoy time with other kids.  I enjoy time with other adults.  Win-win.

4.  Addi's questions.  :)  She is quite inquisitive these days and comes up with some really funny questions.  The other day she said, "Hey, does Aunt Brandy like ants?"  In her mind since we pronounce it "ant" (thank-you west coast raising) she assumes Aunt Brandy must like ants.  

5.  Addi's definition of a miracle.  I asked her what a miracle is and she said, "It's when God blesses us."  LOVE!!!

6.  Brogan screaming out for me at 2:00 am just because he wanted me to sing, "Hush Little Baby."  A month ago, I would NOT have loved that because he was waking up every.single.night.  The other morning was the first time in quite a few nights that he woke up and that was his only request.  I happily obliged and secretly wished that my little boy would stop growing so fast. On the other hand, Addi is waking up multiple times a night.  Her doctor said this is normal behavior for a three-year-old.  Due to their active imaginations at this age, they start to be more fearful at night, have vivid dreams, etc.  WONDERFUL (ha!).

7.  Decluttering and organizing.  I am sort-of obsessed with it at the present moment.  :)

8.  Addi explaining to Brogan that it is not called, "Pinka Butter, but PEANUT Butter."  Brogan proceeded to pronounce it correctly and then changed his mind and mispronounced it again. ;)

9/.  The fact that I actually have a blog post so soon after my last one.  Progress.  :)

Some of my favorites recently...

1.  When the sun shines. In the last month or so, sunlight has been a rarity.  When it does shine, the kids and I do a happy sun dance of sorts.  :)

2.  Brogan telling Addi to "calm down."  ;)  It is so cute.  However, these days, he needs to calm down more times a day than she does.  He is two.  He is really good at being two right now.

3.  Christmas in July movies on Hallmark channel.  Need I say more? :)

4.  Sneaking healthy ingredients into dinner without Jared or the kiddos knowing.  They will all eat their vegetables (Brogan is WAY better at this than Jared and Addi), but I am having a blast adding extra nutritious ingredients to some of our favorites.  Makes my heart happy to watch them gobble up the food, too. :)

5.  My husband's ability to drive under pressure.  Since it has been raining a lot, I have been even bossier when it comes to telling him how to drive.  He takes it with a grain of salt and is still able to focus on driving.  Usually he is very gracious about my "suggestions" though he has started to say, "Thanks, Coach" when I offer some advice.  I don't think that's a compliment. ;)

6.  Cow Appreciation Day at Chick-Fil-A.  All of us dressed like cows (used materials we had on hand and got about $20.00 of free food...score!).  Addi thought it was wonderful to dress up.  Brogan was really excited about eating. ;)  I got teary-eyed while eating our dinner.  I looked around at other families in their cow costumes, my babies sweet faces and my husband (who was an awesome sport) and it hit me once again how blessed I am to have such an amazing family.  Silly that I cried?  Maybe, but anyone who has longed to be a mother and thought at one point that it might not happen, will totally understand.

Have a blessed week!