This time last year...

I didn't plan on writing about this, but here I am.   A year ago today, I took a pregnancy test and was shocked and excited to see that it was positive.  I was also very scared.  The month had been crazy.  I had the flu and a sinus infection and then a stomach bug.  I was so worried something would be wrong with the baby.  Fast forward to getting towards the end of the first trimester and I FINALLY started feeling a bit better about things.  Then, BAM.  We miscarried.  Tonight, I feel another sweet baby moving inside of me while I type this.  A baby who will be joining our family in April (Lord willing).  What a difference a year makes.

As excited and thankful that I am that we are getting ready to meet this sweet baby, I still miss the little one that is in Heaven.  I miss him/her terribly.   He/she will always have a place in our family.  The kids speak openly (not frequently, thankfully) about the baby in Heaven.  They know they'll get to meet him/her one day.  I love that. I love that we will all get to meet him/her one day.

And that's all I have to say about that.

I should be sleeping...

I should be sleeping, but instead I'm going to blog about random things that are on my mind.  This, my friends, is what is on the mind of this 30 something year old, third trimester mama who is getting ready to have a child turn 5 in less than two weeks.

In no particular order:

1.  I need to finish my to do list.  As in finish actually writing out everything that I need to do before: a.) Addi's birthday party b.) the baby's grand debut.  Then, I need to finish everything on said to do lists.

2.  I need to get more sleep.  I am exhausted all the time.  The problem is that when I try to sleep, I can't get comfortable or I wake up multiple times a night.  So, I delay the process which really doesn't do me any good.

3.  I've decided I want to home school my daughter...again (this is a major flip-flop of an issue for me).   Only problem...her crazy daddy ;) doesn't agree.  He thinks it will be great for her.  I agree, but not right now.  Probably because she will be 5 in 12 days and I am very emotional about it.  FIVE.  I can't even begin to process how we got to this age already. Time stinks.  It either goes too fast or too slow...never exactly the way I want it to. ;)  As to the home schooling thing...not going to happen.  I know it's actually not ideal...still this mama wants to hang on to her little girl a little longer.  Admittedly, there are days that I wish she was in school now.  Not going to lie.

4.  We should be getting around 6" of snow tomorrow night into Thursday morning.  I DO NOT want that.  It's cold here.  It's been dreary.  I'm ready for Spring.  Considering everyone who reads this....(yes, all maybe 2 of you) gets more snow than me, I KNOW I shouldn't complain.  Oh well, I am. ;)  The only advantage is that the kids may actually get to build a snow man.  They want to so bad.  It will be worth it to see their faces...I think. ;)

5.  I use the wink ;) way too often.

6.  Thank God for Tums.  This baby better have a head full of hair with all the Tums I've had to take.  Truth:  If it doesn't have a head full of hair, I will forget I ever had heartburn as soon as I see him/her.

7.  I think we have names picked out.  Actually, maybe we don't really.  We're kind-of up in the air on a first and middle name for a girl and a middle name for the boy...so I guess we really don't have names picked out.  Ha!

There are a lot more thoughts spinning around my head, but alas, I'm tired and I think I'm going to attempt to sleep.  Here's to hoping I can get in a nice sound sleep BEFORE one of the kids wake me up. ;) (There's that wink again...I'm addicted.)

What If??

What if?

What if I actually make quiet time with God a priority?

What if I give the kids a day of nothing but playing with Mommy the entire day (excluding:  time to prepare meals and their "quiet" time...which is usually not so "quiet")?

What if I don't even look at my phone or computer screen on that day?  (Except if Jared calls, because I can't ignore my husband and if my sister calls because I talk to her every day)?

What if I silently - or maybe not silently - say a quick prayer for God to be in my response when one of the kids misbehave or when my husband says something that I perceive to be rude (which, usually isn't even rude, but I'm emotional and quick to react)?

What if I ignore my to-do list and focus only on my kids for the day (making sure to at least tidy up and cook dinner before Jared gets home)?

What if I don't rush through bedtime?

What if I make sure my husband knows that he is more important than crossing off items on my to-do list once the kids go to sleep?

I think for the next few days I am going to work hard at finding out the answers to these questions. :)

Why am I doing this?

For about a year now, life has been crazy.  It all started with the entire family getting the flu and other illnesses last February and it sort-of spiraled out of control from there.  I feel like I need a few days of refocusing on what matters.  What matters most at this very moment is reconnecting.  I pray quite a bit, but I don't devote the time I should to growing my relationship with Christ.  I often give my time half-heartedly to my children...I am present, but not fully present.  Same goes with Jared.

I will be back to report my results.  (As if anyone will actually see this). ;)