A Christmas Gift

It's been a sad week.  A man from our church passed away unexpectedly last Saturday leaving behind his wife and 6-year-old son.  A girl that used to be one of the regular cashiers I used while shopping at Wal-Mart was found dead in her car (2 months after she went missing).  She leaves behind a loving family and a three-year-old son.  A little boy that we know (same age as Addi) was diagnosed with Leukemia.  And, of course, the horrible tragedy in Sandy Hook.  It seems like sad news is more prevalent at Christmas time.  Maybe it's just that we are more aware.

I challenge you to look around at the faces of the people you come in contact with this week and really look into their eyes.  Will a smile make a difference?  Will God lead you to do more for an individual?  Will you grow keenly aware of the sadness that so many feel in this joyous season?  I don't know.  I don't know what difference I can make by looking at strangers with compassion. However, that's my prayer this week. That I see the hurt in others eyes and that I react the way God would have me to.  Maybe that's just a smile.  Maybe it's reacting with a whispered prayer. Maybe it's giving of my time, energy or finances.  I'm excited to see what's in store.

In closing, hug your family this week.  Keep them close.  Call those you love.  Tell them you care. Smile at strangers.  Help a friend.  Give the gift of compassion this season.  It might be the best gift we can give.

Santa or no Santa?

Jared and I have officially decided not to do Santa at our house.  It was actually a very tough decision for me as my family did Santa for several years (even years after we all knew the truth) and honestly, I loved it.  I loved the magic of it all and I was not devastated when I figured out that Santa wasn't real.  Jared said his family celebrated off and on, but that it was sort of a mixed bag.  There was no disappointment for him either.

Our decision to not celebrate Santa is not because we are worried about our kids finding out there isn't a Santa and being crushed.  We aren't even really concerned about them not being able to differentiate between Santa and God.  However, we do always want our children to know that everything we tell them is the truth.  We don't want them to think that Santa is watching them all year, and "sees you when you're sleeping."  Which honestly would freak Addi out right now, because she is already scared that there is a man outside her window when she sleeps sometimes.  Totally don't know where she came up with that one, but we are working through it. :)  She knows that Jesus protects her while she sleeps, but she got a little nervous the one time I told her she didn't need to be scared because Jesus was watching her.  So, for now, we are good with just saying our night time prayers and telling her how much Jesus loves her.

This is the first year that Addi has really even been curious about Santa, mainly due to the fact that she sees him in stores.  We let her wave to him, I have asked her if she wants to go sit on his lap and talk to him (she looked at me like I was crazy when I asked), and we let her watch movies and listen to songs about Santa.  However, she knows that Santa doesn't bring her presents and she is fine with that.  She knows she's getting presents at Christmas.  She is very excited about that. She also knows that Jesus is providing the money for the presents that she will get.  As her and Brogan get older, we will teach them about St. Nick and who he was, but for now we are focusing on Christmas being the day we celebrate Jesus' birth (though we also believe we should celebrate and be thankful for Jesus every single day).  We will make a birthday cake for Jesus this season. We have already and will continue to read the story of Jesus' birth to the kids. (Funny side note...we saw a woman wearing a head wrap the other day and Addi got so excited!  She said, "Look Mommy, it's Mary!"  Haha.)  We will do our best to focus on Christ as much as possible.  However, if they want to watch a Daddy and Mommy approved Christmas movie that includes Santa, we will let them.  If they have questions, we will answer them honestly.  However, just as they like Elmo even though he isn't real, we're not going to tell them they can't like Santa or that they can't enjoy seeing him in a parade.  So far, it's not an issue.

Christmas will always be a magical time for them.  We will do our best to ensure that.  We have already seen the wonder in their eyes when they have watched a parade, viewed a tree lighting, looked at Christmas decorations, played with our Christmas tree, made Christmas crafts and listened to Christmas music.  Addi gets excited when she sees Santa...and people dressed up like Mary ;).  She has chapstick that has a picture of Rudolph on it and she adores it.  Brogan will say, "Ho-ho-ho, Merry Christmas!" People ask them if Santa is coming to see them and usually Addi says yes.  She also decided quite a while ago that Mitt Romney will be coming to her birthday party in March and will tell us that our pastor is coming to our house. The probability of Mitt Romney or our pastor (who pastors a church of 10,000 members) coming to our house is as slim as Santa coming, but we don't tell her she can't say that.  So, we let her respond to people and we don't tell her different.  If she asks when Santa is coming to her house, we will tell her he isn't, but that she can see him in the mall.  So, that's that.

By the way, as far as presents are concerned, both kids will be getting four presents this year (and probably for years to come).  One present will always be something that will encourage their Spiritual growth.  This year that is a toddler Bible for Addi and a book about the heroes of the Bible for Brogan.  One present will be something they really want (Addi actually really wanted a Princess Castle this year...or so she has been swayed that this is what she wants...she still isn't big on deciding those kind of things yet).  One present will be educational or promote creativity.  The other present will be pajamas to be opened on Christmas Eve. They will also receive a stocking with some fun items in it.  Limiting the amount of presents is not only great for the budget, but also a great way for the kids to realize that Christmas is not just about receiving.  As they get older, we want to involve them in service projects throughout each year that teaches them the importance of giving.  For now, we teach them about giving by donating to food banks and placing change in Salvation Army buckets.  Addi's catching on. Whenever she sees any sort of coin she says, "We need to give this to people who need to get food."  Brogan's not quite there yet.  He sees a coin and tries to eat it. ;)

We are also excited that this year we will be teaching Addi the importance of tithing on the money she receives for Christmas as well as putting money aside for savings.  She doesn't get an allowance yet and they don't collect offerings in her class at church (that doesn't happen until they are four or five), so she really hasn't been taught anything about giving money to the church.

Anyway, for those of you who are wondering why I am talking way more about Addi in this post than Brogan (or actually why I do in quite a few of my posts), it's because Brogan is 18 months.  He is super fun and an amazing little boy who has such a sweet and lovable personality. However, he is oblivious to most Christmas stuff this year.  He recognizes Santa, loves Christmas lights and dances to Christmas music.  He thinks it's great fun to terrorize our nativity set and yank ornaments off the tree. That's about it though. :)  Once he is talking more, I am sure I will have plenty of stories about things that he says that makes us laugh.  He already makes us laugh all the time...usually though it's through actions that you can actually see and are hard to explain on a post. :)

Anyway, sorry for the long and slightly disjointed post.  Most of mine are though, so oh well. ;)

Enjoy your week!!!

Answered Prayers

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.  I could go into the reasons why, but don't really feel like it.  It has nothing to do with Jared and the kids though. :)

Anyway, later this morning, I read a blog from a friend.  She is dealing with something right now that I've never dealt with and her emotions are raw (for good reason!).  Anyway, I sent her a quick message on Facebook and she replied back with some amazing news!  It totally turned my morning around because I have been so burdened for her and she has really needed this news!

I love how that works.  I love that God has given us all compassion to look beyond our circumstances and feel so grateful and happy for other's when answers to prayers are revealed.  God is awesome and that's all. :)

November Thanks - Signs of Children

I've missed a few days, but today I am so thankful for ornaments that somehow magically jump off the tree and are found laying on the ground, for pen marks on the couch, crayon marks on the walls, random toys strewn around the house and having to move all breakable items to higher ground.  I am thankful for the ability to hear Addi plan a picnic with her daddy while I type this.  I am thankful for the laughs...so much laughter dwells in this house and it is amazing! I know I say it often, but I am blessed!!!!!

November Thanks - Day 7-10

Day 7 - Thankful for my friends.  The ones I get to see often, and the ones that I haven't seen in years.

Day 8 - Thankful to live in an area that has so many great parks!  Seriously, we have an abundance to choose from and the kids love it!

Day 9 - Thankful for God's provision. We are so blessed!

Day 10 - Thankful that my brother and his girlfriend are visiting this weekend!

Have a blessed day!

Election / November Thanks - Days 4-6

We are watching the results come in regarding who will be president for the next four years.  It is no secret that our family wants Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan to be the ones in control.  Probably won't happen, trying to keep the optimism, but I'm just not feeling it. So, moving on....

Day 4 - I am thankful for my family.  They are amazing.  I am so blessed to have them in my life.

Day 5 - I am thankful for music.  Music just makes everything feel better (if we receive the results I assume we'll receive tonight, I will be listening to A LOT of music tomorrow). ;)  Addi and Brogan love music as much as Jared and I do.  Right now, my absolute favorite thing is to hear Brogan sing, "Haway-wewa!  Haway-wewa!  Oh, Lord we praise your name.  All the goppy (glory), all the onnor (honor)..."  So, cute!!! I love it! Oh, and I love to hear Addi sing her prayer before we eat.  She does it with such passion and reverence (usually).  Sometimes she claps and yells the prayer...that's not so reverent.  We're working on that. :)

Day 6 - The right to vote.  Our family voted bright and early this morning (6:45 am).  We all went together.  While we were in line, Addi asked us if Romney was in the building.  Haha.  She took a piece of paper and a pen when I voted and sat down right beside me and wrote her vote.  She told the man taking the ballots that she voted.  He gave her an "I voted" sticker.  She was so proud!  She told us that she had fun voting! Brogan was tired and quiet the entire time, but he seemed to enjoy himself, too. :)  Regardless of what happens, I know that God is in control regardless and am SO thankful for that.  Reality is, His will is going to be done.

November Thanks - Day 3

I am thankful for my two miracle children.  I still catch myself looking at them and thinking, "Wow!  I cannot believe these beautiful babies are mine.  On loan from God, of course, but mine for now."  They bring such joy to our lives.  Addison Hope is 2 1/2 and very good at it. ;)  She is beautiful, smart, witty and loves church, "Jesus songs," and praying for others.  Brogan Michael is 17 months and is seriously the most easy going and happiest child I have ever seen.  He loves to make us laugh, is content playing alone (usually) and is very determined.  He wreaks havoc at night though...still waking us up at least once a night (most nights more than once). Some nights it's annoying, other nights I welcome the interruption while I gladly hold him close listening to his sweet breathing as he settles into a deep sleep.  Right now, As I listen to their laughter as they play basketball in the other room with their daddy, I can't help but feel overwhelmed with emotion.  Our babies - the babies we never thought we would have - are the perfect fit for our family.  We are so blessed!

November Thanks - Day 1 & 2

Day 1 - I am thankful my personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Without Him I am nothing.  He is ever constant, even when I'm not.  He is patient with me.  He is loving.  He is my rock.

Day 2 - I am thankful for my husband.  He leads by example.  He loves me unconditionally.  He makes me laugh every day.  He works so incredibly hard for our family.  He is amazing.  He is my best friend.

I know that a lot of people are doing these on Facebook, but I thought I'd do them here instead. So, we'll see if I can actually keep up with this. :)

Have a great weekend!!!

A different view

It's 2:30 am and I cannot sleep.  It might be because my sweet husband is snoring rather loudly (something that only happens when he is REALLY tired). He works so hard and was up until 1:45 working on a project, so I can't be mad, but nonetheless, sleep is not happening right now.

I was shopping with Addi yesterday when out of the blue she looked at me and said, "I have the best mommy ever!"  When her sweet little voice said that, I completely teared up.  I looked at her and told her that I had the best daughter ever.  She beamed the same way she beams every time I tell her I am proud of her or that she is pretty, smart, amazing, incredible, funny, silly, cute, a precious princess, a gift from God, fearfully and wonderfully made and that I love her so much and she is my most favorite girl. :)  Anyway, I don't know what I did to warrant the best mommy ever comment, but I'll gladly take it. (Note that I do not feel like the best mommy ever...but it sure was nice to hear!)

October has been a fun month.  The nice weather has allowed for several trips to various parks in our area. We are blessed to have several nice parks within a few minutes of our home plus a small play area in our neighborhood.  The kids LOVE to go the park and we usually have at least one play date a week at a park.  Great way for the kids to get exercise and to wear themselves out for nap time. :)  We made a trip to Virginia to visit family and see my sweet nephew dedicated a couple weeks ago. It was a great time!  This past Sunday, we journeyed to the mountains (about an hour and a half away) and had some great family fun (and found a park there, too).  We visited the pumpkin patch a couple days ago.  Addi was interested in it last year (not so much the first year we took her), but this year both kids were really interested in it.  They loved it and it was so cute to watch Brogan walk around saying, "Punkins!"  He wanted to eat them.  Addi wanted to kiss them.  :)  Addi loved the maze, climbing on the hay, and riding this tricycle type toy they had...oh and having daddy chase after her.  :) Brogan loved the fake cows, playing with a plastic wheelbarrow and the slide.  :)

It is so much fun to see the world through their eyes! They love such simple things and can see beauty where the average person cannot.  We passed a cemetery a couple weeks ago and Addi said, "Oh, look how prettiful!"  Of course she does not have an understanding of what a cemetery is, but all her eyes could see were flowers on all the plots.  She was right, it was pretty.  Something that is usually associated with sadness, was instead seen as joyful when looked through her eyes. It is so easy to take things for granted and to only see things a certain way.  I am praying that God helps me to view more things like my children.  I think most adults tend to look at certain circumstances, places, and even people with pity at times.  We'll see a run down place and think, "What a shame."  Kids see it and say, "This is neat!"  We we will be running errands or scurrying to get somewhere on time and will be frustrated.  Our children will be laughing and enjoying the moment...not worrying about the dozens of things that still need to marked off the to do list.  We see people with a disability or people who look different and want to pity them, thinking how sorrowful it must be in their shoes.  Kids Addi and Brogan's age just see people equally.  They look past the disability and keep going.  It scares me to think that there will be a day where my sweet babies will start viewing people and circumstances differently. My prayer is that Jared and I can teach them to look through God's eyes, not human eyes.  My prayer is that we can see more through God's eyes.

Anyway, it is now close to 3:00 am and once again I have a post that is a rambling mess, so I am ending it. :)  Until next time, God bless!

Lighten Up

Being a parent is hard work.  It is even worse when you almost hyperventilate because your 2 and a half year old cannot yet spell her name without assistance or say a complete bible verse without a little help. Or when your 16 month old does not know that frogs say, "ribbit" and that cows are the only animals that say, "moo." Yes, I am the mother who compares her children's development to others and yes, I TOTALLY understand that I should not do this.  For the first several months of their lives, I compared their development to others their ages because I wanted to make sure that there wasn't any issues I needed to discuss with their doctors.  Now that they are out of daycare, I mainly compare them to others to determine if I am teaching our children quick enough (or if I am teaching them the right things at the right times).  This has caused an incredible amount of unecessary stress in my life and as a result of my paranoia, in my poor husband's life, too.  At least once a week (more like four or five times a week), I tell Jared that I am afraid that I am not teaching Addi and Brogan enough or that I am failing as a mother. Jared reassures me everytime, but lately has requested (OK, he's begged me) to STOP the insanity. 

I've been thinking a lot today about what is truly important right now (in regards to my family)...these are in no particular order as they are all just about equally important:

1.  I want my children to love God.  They both know the song, "Jesus Loves Me" as well as other Christian songs.  Addi knows that Jonah went to time-out in the belly of a whale because he didn't listen to God. ;)  She will tell me on our walks that God made grass, trees, mommy, daddy, etc.  I can start to say a couple Bible verses and they will both finish them for me.  They know we pray before we eat, that we randomly think God throughout the day and that we pray for others.  They love to listen to "Jesus" songs with daddy and they both love church.  Addi pretends to talk on the phone to our pastor and will tell us she's going to Bible Study.  I think we're on the right track.  The complete memorization of Bible verses will come in time...for now, we just need to tell our children about the love of God and display the love of God to them.

2.  I want my kids to be ready for kindergarten.  Addi can sing the alphabet, recognize the letters A-D, count to 15 (20 with help), recognizes shapes (mainly hearts, stars, and triangles) and knows a couple colors.  Brogan can count to ten with assistance, says a large part of the alphabet and can tell you most of his body parts.  Addi talks in complete sentences; Brogan has been saying four word sentences some, but mostly sticks to two or three word phrases.  They have a lot to learn, but my goodness, they are 2 and a half and 16 months...not 5.  They already know so much and are learning every day! The freaking out about this really needs to stop. 

3.  I want my children to feel safe, secure and loved in a nurturing environment.  Recently, I've let the stress of feeling like a failure get to me. (OK...really, I've felt like a failure the large part of their lives for one reason or another).  I haven't been on my game.  I've been quick-tempered, grown frustrated when Addi would rather throw toys than sort blocks into appropriate colors or when Brogan would rather dive off the couch than listen to a Bible story, and have not enjoyed spending time with my kids the way I should. I know they feel safe, secure and loved, but I need to stop beating myself up.  It's not good for any one in the Turner home when I do this.  As the saying goes, "If mommy's not happy, nobodies happy." ;)

4.  I want to soak in EVERY single moment with my children and husband.  I don't want to look back at this time and say, "Boy, maybe I should have joined in when the kids were crawling around the floor pretending they were lions instead of wondering if I should be making them practice their letter recognition."  And for now, if Brogan wants that lion to "moo" than that is OK with me.  Soon the lion will "roar," Addi will spell her name, and Jared will be handing me a tissue as I cry watching them graduate from college. 

2 and a half years

Dear Addi,

You turned 2 1/2 a few weeks ago.  As always, I cannot believe how fast the time flies!

You are becoming more independent everyday.  I am so proud watching you "let me help myself" as you say, but it hurts a little bit.  Before I had a child, I had NO clue how bittersweet it would be to watch my children grow.  Grow you must, though...and you are doing a great job at it!

Sometimes (actually more like ALL the time) I worry that I am not the example I should be for you.  I realize that your beautiful eyes are watching me.  You will do something that I do and say, "Look, like Mommy does!"  So far it's been about good things, but it scares me to think I may do something that isn't so great and that you will copy me. Every day I strive to be better than the day before.  You have no idea now, but you make me want to be a better person.  In case I forget to tell you this when you're thirty, please let me take the time now to tell you, THANK YOU!!! Thank you for making me a better person!

Thank you for being the loving, sweet, silly, funny, adorable, amazing, smart, caring, beautiful, incredible little girl that you are!  Mommy loves you so much and you are my most favorite girl!!! :)

Oh, and thank  you for making potty training so easy!  Your daddy and I are loving the money we are saving on diapers! :)

A kiss and a hug and a lot of love from your adoring mommy!

Been Awhile

Wow...I can't believe I'm starting on week four as a Stay-At-Home Mome and haven't blogged once.  Truth is, I'm LOVING being home with my babies...as if there was ever a doubt.   I am keeping us busy with play dates and bible study groups, etc.  It is great!  Best part of all...being able to cuddle with my babies in the mornings, taking more walks with them around the neighborhood, soaking up every second possible with them and the list goes on.

I have so many things to say and so many lessons learned in the last few weeks, and yet, words escape me at the moment.  So at the risk of boring anyone who chooses to read this, I will end here. :)

Have a great week! :)

Where are your morals??

I am so sick of politicians who, when referring to abortion, say that women should have a choice of what to do with their own bodies.  OK, fine.  However, abortion is murder.  You go to jail for murder.  Come on, people, quit passing it off as a woman's right.  It is a woman's right to abstain from sex or to use protection - it is not a woman's right to kill a child (in utero or not).  It makes me sick.  It makes me wonder how anyone who is a Christian can support a politician who supports abortion.  If this offended you, I'm sorry.  However, perhaps you should look at your heart.  Do you really want innocent blood on your hands?  Why don't you try to be bold instead and stand up for the children who aren't having a chance to live out their lives?  Don't cover up murder by using the lame excuse that it's a woman's right to do whatever she wants to her body.

That's just my two cents.  Probably the first and last political commentary you'll see on this blog this year, but I just had to get that off my chest.

Shadows

Dear Addi,

One day in the future, I promise you this...your dad, you and me will all laugh about the night you were eating dinner and got freaked out by mommy's shadow.  You were so scared that you refused to continue to eat.  Before we realized what was making you scared, your daddy and I thought you were hallucinating.  That really scared us. We were glad it was only a shadow.  Even though it didn't seem to comfort you much, it did comfort us.  We love you, baby girl!!

Love,
Mommy

PS...I REALLY love how everything is "prettiful" to you right now.  Not pretty, not beautiful...prettiful.  You are prettiful and I hope you always know it!!!

What If????

It never fails.  Right before or after any big change in my life, I start to freak out...even if it is something I REALLY want.  When we decided to move from Blacksburg, VA to Charlotte, I freaked out (even though I had wanted to get out of Blacksburg before I even moved there.)  Right after we had Addi and brought her home, I freaked out (even though I REALLY wanted her!)  Same thing happened with Brogan (even though I REALLY wanted him!)  Knowing my history, it should not surprise me that I have started freaking out about staying home. 

What if I am not really cut out for being a stay-at-home mom and wife? 
What if the kids hate being around me all the time and miss daycare? 
What if Jared is disappointed with my daily routine? 
What if he loses his job? 
What if we have a financial crisis? 
What if I realize that I made a big mistake? 

What if...what if...what if?  Ugh...the "what if's" are killing me!!! 

So instead....

What if I love staying at home even more than I thought? 
What if the kids think being home with mommy is way better than daycare?
What if we look back at this time and are amazed at how God provided far more than we imagined?
What if the kids only have to go to the doctor for sick visits less than three times each a year?
What if this just happens to be some of the best times of our lives?
What if we love almost every single second of it?

Those "what if's" aren't scary.  They are so wonderful to think about it.  Now if I could just train my mind to think this way all the time.  I am so glad God is patient with me. :) 

Two Weeks!!

I did it. I gave my two-week notice at work today. I still can’t believe this is happening. Not everyone gets this opportunity. I will never take it for granted. I will cherish it. I will take it seriously. I will enjoy every single minute of it. I am so thankful.


Two years, four months and one day ago Addi started daycare. One year and 27 days ago Brogan started daycare. Countless tears were shed during this time (not by them, by me). Leaving them never really became easier. My heart hurt. I missed them. I didn’t want to be at work. And now, here I am…finally about to bear the title I’ve longed to have for so long, I will be a Stay-At-Home-Mom!!!

God, You are good. You were good through the pain. You were good through the stress and chaos. You were good when I wasn’t good to You. I was mad at You. You listened to my frustrations and then You would comfort me. How I must have pained You. Yet, You were faithful when I was unfaithful. Faithful you will stay.

Jared, You are an incredible husband. Aside from God, you bore the brunt of my frustrations. I hurt you. I was mean – horribly mean. I was so angry. You didn’t deserve it. You persevered. You remained steady. You worked even harder. You didn’t give up…on me or on my dream. God made this possible, but He used you to help make this possible. Now, I get to help make your life a little easier (no more dishes and vacuuming for you!) I am forever grateful.

Two weeks to go. In some ways it’s felt like an eternity getting here, in some ways it still feels like an eternity to get there. Two weeks until the next journey in our lives begin. I cannot wait!

Bones, Beach, Blechs...

Since this is a blog that I hope will serve as somewhat of a journal for our children, I feel I need to mention that Brogan fractured his leg last month.  How?  We have no idea.  In fact, he didn't start showing signs of limping until it had already started healing.  I felt like the worst mommy ever when we took him in for an x-ray and they said, "He has a fracture.  It appears to be about two weeks old and is already healing."  Anyway, no cast was needed and on August 8th, he received a clear bill of health.  I am now paranoid that he is going to fracture it again, or fracture something else.  Every time he falls (which is a lot...he likes to dive off of furniture, run into things, etc), I cringe. 

We had a phenomenal time on our beach vacation!   Addi and Brogan LOVED the ocean!! A few memories, I hope to always remember:

1.  The first time the children saw the ocean.  I was trying to keep my expectations low because I thought it might scare them a little bit at first.  It did not.  They ran right in.  Brogan had the water hit his face at least three times and just laughed.  When the water hit Addi's face, she would throw her head back and look at the sky and yell, "Eww, yucky!!" All while giggling, of course.  I had NO idea I would be so overcome with emotion.  I stepped back for a minute and watched Jared play with both kids and I cried.  I thanked God right there for the opportunity to experience something so wonderful with our children.  When we were at the beach a little over three years ago, we didn't even think I'd be able to have children and to see our two babies playing and laughing completely blessed my soul.

2. The first morning we were at the beach, Addi and I went for a walk.  It was early and no one was really in the water yet.  Addi picked up on this and decided she didn't want to be in the water either.  When it came near her, she looked at the ocean, pointed her finger and said, "No ma'am, Ocean!"  This amused everyone around us.  I politely told her that I was glad she had such confidence, but that only God could command the ocean. ;)

3.  Boats - We took a boat ride on the Cape Fear river as well as a Ferry ride to Southport.  I'm not sure if the kids were as excited as I was, but they definitely enjoyed them. :)

4.  We went to the Christmas Shop in Southport.  Love it there!  Addi loved the candy shop and suckered daddy into getting her more than he originally had planned to.

5.  We allowed the kids to have way more ice cream than we normally allow.  In fact, they've never had their own bowl of ice cream before this trip.  One day when we were headed to get some, the following conversation occurred:

Addi: I want ice cream.
Me:  I know you do.  We will get some shortly.
Addi: I don't want shortly, I want ice cream.

6.  The kids were so social.  I knew they were both pretty social any way, but I was amazed at how both of them told so many people, "Hi!"  I felt sorry for the people who had dogs...they didn't just get greeted by hello's.  Brogan would run straight up to them yelling, "dog, dog!"

7.  The car ride to and from the beach was four hours.  The kids did great!!

8.  Since we had not taken a week vacation since before Addi was born, Jared and I had to adjust to how vacations will be for the next couple decades.  We didn't mind this at all...it was just weird not being on our own time table.  We truly enjoyed the time we got to spend on our deck at night looking at the ocean and talking while our babies slept.  Though it was a crazy, hectic vacation at times, I wouldn't trade it for the world.  We love our new normal. :)

Anyway, we came back to reality last Saturday.  We were all sad.  So sad that the kids and I went outside and played in the water for an hour.  This past week was crazy as always.  Brogan got a stomach bug on Tuesday, Addi followed suit on Thursday, I succombed to it on Friday night, and now Jared is feeling achy.  Blech.  Oh well, at least we didn't get sick while we were on vacation.

Here's to another week...it's going to be a VERY exciting one!  More details to come on Monday evening!!! :)  Until that time, have a great week! :)

The Journey of A Thousand Miles...

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. I don’t know who said that. I googled it and apparently there is some conflicting opinions on the originator of this quote. This much I know…it was someone in China…at least that seems to be the general consensus.

Anyway, I have been thinking of this quote a lot lately. I know you are dying to know the reason (haha). I can’t say yet. It’s a secret (and no, not a baby secret). Speaking of babies…after you have one, or two and they are only 14.5 months apart, the following conversations happen a lot:


Me: I’m really tired today.
Person B: Do you think you’re pregnant?


Me: I’m not feeling very well.
Person B: Do you think you’re pregnant?


Me: I have great news!
Person B: Are you pregnant?


Me: My daughter is 2, my son is 1.
Person B: So, are you planning on having another one soon?


One thing I learned during my infertility journey is that people are absolutely crazy and insensitive when it comes to the topic of having children. You don’t just go up to someone and say, “So, when are you getting out of debt?” Yet it’s OK to ask a couple about something as private as the decision to have children? Not cool….even if the couple is just married and you know without a shadow of a doubt that they do not want children…NEVER ask that question!



It’s also not OK to ask someone if they planned to have their children so close together in age. I get asked this question quite a bit from people who I don’t even know. They’ll see me in the store with one toddler hanging out of the cart and the other toddler screaming because he is hungry and this will happen:



Person B: They are so cute!
Me: Thank you (while trying to smile sweetly, stick a paci in Brogan’s mouth and prevent Addi from jumping out of the cart).



Person B: How old are they?
Me: 1 and 2.



Person B: Wow, you have your hands full! (As if they really needed to tell me that at the present moment) Did you plan it that way?
Me: No, but I didn’t plan to deal with infertility before my daughter was born and after she was born someone forgot to tell my ovaries that it was time to close up shop for a little while.



OK…I don’t really say that last line, but seriously?!? Is it really your business when you don’t even know me???

Usually, I just look at them, ignore their stupid question and say, “Yeah, it’s a bit crazy, but we are so blessed!”

And blessed we are. So, to bring this post full circle…we are blessed because….Well, I have to make you wait, but just remember:


The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Keeping It Real

Dear Addi and Brogan, This weekend was tough. I have a sinus infection and am feeling crummy. Your daddy had to work pretty much the whole weekend. We are tired...not just tired, weary. Life is just plain tough right now. So I apologize for the times I got frustrated and raised my voice. I did it a few times this weekend. I'm sorry I yelled at your dad in front of you - something I told myself I'd never do. I'm sorry I fed you chicken nuggets for dinner last night (and not the healthy, baked kind I make from chicken breasts...the crappy, processed kind that are really not good for you at all.) I rocked dinner tonight at least. ;) I'm sorry I let you entertain yourselves far too much and kept the TV on in hopes that it would entertain you. I'm sorry the laundry isn't done, the living room is a mess and preparations for this coming week have not happened. I'm just so sorry for it all. I'm not sorry though that I have these moments that show you that I am human. I am helpless. I have NOTHING to offer without Christ. It's because of Him that I strive to do better every day. So, while the two of you sleep sweetly tonight, I have prayed and will continue to pray that God will be glorified in every thing I do - especially in being your mom and your amazing dad's wife. I pray you never doubt my love for Christ, my love for your daddy or my love for you. I pray even when I mess up royally - which I know I will do again - that you will see a work in progress. As tears flow down my face as I type this, please know that I promise to be the best I possibly can be as a nurturer. You two are such a blessing! My hope is that you don't even remember the rough times we had this weekend. Instead I hope you remember the times I hugged you (which were lots), the several dozen times I read to you (Brogan is seriously going through a phase of wanting to be read to...all.the.time), the songs we sing together over and over again, the way you, Addi got to stay up late to watch the Olympic Opening Ceremony (even though you fell asleep before 9:30) :), the times we chased each other all over the house, our family dinner times where we laughed and played together as a family, getting to play in the water outside, watching daddy mow the lawn and all the "I love yous" that we all told each other. When I think of it like that - this weekend was really not bad! I love you both so much...Addi, you are my Babycakes...and Brogan, you are my Handsome Boy! And, though I know those nicknames will one day embarrass you...I pray my love for you never does. Thank you both for being amazing!! Love, Mommy

Two Christmases!

The Summer Olympics are almost here!!! I am so excited! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE them! My passion for them began when I was 3 or 4 years old and has only grown since. It's like having a second Christmas this year! Anyway, tonight is the Opening Ceremony and I have already confirmed with my sister that we will call each other promptly at 7:00 to watch the ceremony together. :) Enjoy your weekend...watch something to do with The Olympics, hug lots, relax and go to church! :)

Phone Update

Quick phone update...it was found by a sweet couple that contacted us on Monday. We were able to pick it up at their house. ALL my pictures and videos were still on the phone. So VERY thankful!!!! :) Have a blessed week!

Lies Straight from the Pit of Hell

At least once a day, I tell Addi the following:

You are beautiful!

You are sweet!

You are amazing!

You are silly! (She LOVES it when I say this.)

You are kind.

You are good.

You are funny! (She LOVES this one, too)

You are amazing!

You are pretty!

And, Mommy loves you sooooo MUCH! (She chimes in on the “much”)

And, you are my most favorite girl! (She chimes in on the “favorite girl”)

I tell her these things because they are so true.  I tell her these things because I want her to know them deep down in her soul.  I tell her these things because I want her to never, ever forget how incredible she is. 
Somewhere along life’s way, I started telling myself the exact opposite of these things. If it was considered a “gift,” I would be gifted in being critical of myself. I have been for years and mommy-hood has made it WAY worse. I need to stop. If I were to look in the mirror and tell myself the lies the devil tries to tell me it would sound something like this:

You are ugly.

You will always be fat.

You are a failure.

You are an awful wife.

You have already ruined your children.

You are a terrible mother.

You are a disgrace to the kingdom of God.

You are unlovable.

You are unlikeable.

You are a loser.

You will never amount to anything.

You don’t deserve happiness.

You are a poor excuse for a (fill in the blank)…Christian, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, employee and on and on.

God doesn’t love you: How can He?

Truth is, NONE of it is true. Yet, I feed into at least a few of these lies every single day. So here is my response to these horrid lies.

You are ugly. – Not true. I am a beautiful child of the King, created just the way that He wanted me to be.

You will always be fat. – A big FAT lie that I started believing when I was a size 4 thanks to words spoken by my own father - who was dealing with a failed marriage that was his fault - (Parents…be careful what you say to your children!!). Truth is, I need to lose some weight. Truth is, I’m not as fat as I think I am.

You are a failure. – Really??? I don’t even need to start with an argument here. Truth is, I’m an overcomer.

You are an awful wife. – Jared says different and he doesn’t lie. I could be better (who couldn’t be better to their spouse), but we have a happy marriage and I adore that man of mine.

You have already ruined your children. – I have ruined my children by working to help provide for their needs? I think not. They are in a safe, Christian daycare that they love being taught by people who love them. Ideal? Nope. Ruined? Nope.

You are a terrible mother. – I have to laugh at this lie. I totally know this is not true. I am a great mommy. Sure I have my blunders and I certainly don’t have all the answers, but I LOVE my children fiercely. They absolutely know that their mommy loves them.

You are a disgrace to the kingdom of God. – I’ve made my mistakes. I don’t pray enough. I don’t read enough. I’m not a disgrace; I’m a human. A human created by a loving God who leads me along life’s way.

You are unlovable. – Not to God. Not to my husband. Not to my kids. Not to my family.

You are unlikeable. – I know this isn’t true unless the people who like to spend time with me are just doing it to feel sorry for me.

You are a loser. – Not at all. I am determined. I don’t give up on the important things.

You will never amount to anything. – While I’m not in the career field of my dreams, I’ve done well for myself.

You don’t deserve happiness. – Do any of us really deserve happiness? We expect it because we are spoiled, but we don’t deserve it any more than the person who is laying in a hospital bed fighting for their life. Truth is, we don’t deserve happiness, but God will willingly fill us with His joy. Joy is far better than happiness.

You are a poor excuse for a (fill in the blank)…Christian, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, employee and on and on. - Not so. I care deeply. I love deeply. I do the best I can.

God doesn’t love you: How can He? - So not true. All I need to do is read the word to combat this lie.

I contemplated even posting this post because it’s not a la-da-dee, la-dee-da type of post. It’s harsh. It's a bit embarrassing to post. Unfortunately, it’s been my reality and I'm ready to get rid of this part of my life. These awful lies have held me back on so many levels and I REFUSE to let them keep holding me back. It sickens my stomach to think of what I have not done, the opportunities I have missed out on, the countless hours I have spent in misery because of these stupid lies. I need to change for myself,for Jared and so that I can be the role model I so desparately want to be for our beautiful kids. So now that I’ve put this out here, I feel like I can start moving on.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a very important meeting with two precious children. We’re going to rock the house down with, “If You’re Happy and You Know It.” :)

Goodbye, Cellphone

For those of you who read this and have seen my Facebook status, you will know that last night I lost my phone. Thankfully, it’s not an expensive phone, but the memories that are contained within that phone are priceless. I have countless pictures and videos of the kids going as far back as June of last year – most of which were on a memory card, so I had not downloaded. I am crushed. So many memories gone, just like that. Reality is that I probably won’t get the phone back: I hate to be a pessimist, but I lost it in a very public place and it could be anywhere.

As upset as I am, this morning it hit me that the pictures and videos are just memories that I would like to look back on throughout my life, but right now, I am blessed to have more memories to make with my sweet family. I am keenly aware that there are so many people who ONLY have their past memories because they had to bury their children or their spouse. Some people don’t have memories because they are still eagerly anticipating getting married or becoming a parent. So, I am choosing not to dwell on this more. Today I have my precious babies and my amazing husband and that’s enough for me.

Two side notes pertaining to this ordeal:

Jared was so caring and so wonderful when I told him I lost my phone. He held me while I cried and then drove over to the store and retraced my steps, hoping to find it for me. He never once complained about the money that it will take to replace the phone. That is a sweet husband!!

While I was crying, Addi grabbed a baby wipe and said, “Here, Mommy!” and started to wipe my face. She let me hug her for as long as I wanted to because she could tell her mommy was sad. She also emptied out the entire contents of my purse saying that she was looking for “my mommy’s phone.” She got a little distracted by the lipstick, but I can understand that. :)

PS…I was feeling bad that I prayed and asked for prayer over a lost phone. I know God has WAY more important things to worry about than giving me back my phone. I also know that He cares about the stuff that matters to us. This matters to me. While He hasn’t answered my prayer exactly the way I want, He has given me peace, which is actually EXACTLY what I need. That’s what I love about God…He knows me far better than I know myself.

To My Baby Boy

Dear Brogan,

Monday morning, you threw your first “real” fit…over a banana. This included rolling all over the ground, kicking your legs wildly and screaming, no shrieking, as loudly as you possibly could. You wanted the world to know you were mad. Daddy and I were shocked. You are somewhat mild-mannered and usually leave the fit throwing to your sister. I guess you had enough yesterday though. You had inhaled your banana and you were so upset that you couldn’t eat your sister’s banana, too. This is just another sign that you are part monkey. I must say, I am quite impressed your first fit was thrown on a Monday morning. If you’re going to throw a fit, that’s the time to do it. Mommy has trained you well.

You are doing great in your new class at daycare! After the first two initial weeks of adjusting – which included getting bronchitis, a sinus infection, roseola and a HUGE scrape on your head from falling (not once, but twice on the same day) – you’ve done great! You are the smallest child in this class, but probably the loudest (at least when it comes to wanting to eat). You don’t let anyone mess with you, not even your teachers if you don’t want them to. I think this is a survival skill you’ve learned as a result of having Addi as a sister. The girl loves to knock you down at random times. We told her today that if she wants to be a princess and a big girl, she must stop. We’ll see if that works.

At your one year check-up, you were in the 30th – 40th percentile for weight and 90th for height. This will be great for you as you grow older, but it makes it tough to dress you right now! Nine month pants are too short, but 12 month pants are too big in the waist and fall off you. As a result, you wear a lot of jumpers. This works well for me. I like to dress you preppy and that’s my perfect excuse. I wonder how many years I can get away with doing this?

You are a funny boy. You love to do silly stuff to make all of us laugh. If you do something that makes us smile, you do it over and over again. Your newest thing…you walk around saying, “Burp!” You think this is hilarious. Your sister does, too. You also love to say, “Quaaaaaack!” All.the.time. I guess it’s safe to say, you quack me up. (Lame joke, I know). :)

You have lots of nicknames. Your sister still calls you, “Buddy.” Your daddy and I do, too. So does everyone at your daycare (well the kids, not the teacher. Except for Lynn…she’s your teacher and your babysitter so she has special privileges). Of course, you’re also referred to as “Squeaky” by your daddy. He calls you that because sometimes when you’re excited, you squeal and it sounds like a squeak. Sometimes your whining sounds like that, too. So now, you’re “Squeaky” to daddy and Addi. That’s right, she says it all the time. :) You’re also called, “Sir,” “Brogie,” “Mr. Malogie,” and “Bro.” Sorry about the Mr. Malogie name…that’s courtesy of yours truly. I wonder what you’ll respond with when people start asking you your name.

You have a piece of my heart that is meant only for you. You are my sweet baby boy. Words cannot express what you mean to me. So I try to tell you in hugs, kisses, tickles and giggles every day. I love you so much!!!

Love, Mommy

Bubbles and Applesauce

Today Addi asked to blow bubbles. I rarely do this because usually it turns it to a session of me telling her, "No, you can't hold the bubble bottle" and, "You have to blow on the wand, not try to put it in your mouth." Addi's temper tantrums usually accompany these statements. In an effort to live life to its fullest as much as possible, I decided to let her hold the bottle full of bubbles today. I mean really, it's a bottle of bubbles, not expensive or toxic if she spills or eats it. Yes, she spilled some of the bubbles and yes, she tasted it and thankfully, decided it was gross. However, had I not let her do these two things, I would have missed out on one of the greatest moments of the weekend. Addi learned how to blow bubbles properly and LOVED it!! She was so proud of herself and the more I cheered her on, the more her face would light up. Brogan joined in on the fun - puckering his lips and blowing, and yelling, "POP!" as he clapped his hands together whenever a bubble would come near him. (Sidenote: He seriously the cutest little blonde haired boy I've ever seen!) At one point, Addi blew a huge bubble and I started laughing, which turned into fits of giggles between all three of us. Being a little dramatic, I laughed once and slapped my knee as if it was hysterical. Addi started doing the same thing and Brogan followed suit. :) Unfortunately, Jared had to miss out on the fun due to work, but Addi made sure to include him by randomly yelling, "Jared's funny!" Not sure what made her say that, or call him Jared, but it was super cute. :) Anyway, after 45 minutes of bubble blowing fun, we moved on to snack time. I gave the kids their applesauce and started to clean (which is what I typically do when the kids are contained at the table eating). Before I picked up the first item, I decided that instead of cleaning, I was going to enjoy some applesauce with the kiddos. Addi's lit up once again as she saw me sit down to join them. More fun ensued as we ate our applesauce and talked and played at the table. At one point, I got teary-eyed thinking about how blessed I am to be able to spend such priceless moments with these beautiful gifts from God. I promised myself to allow the kids have more opportunities to make messes in an effort to learn something new and to enjoy more snack times with my sweet babies while I can. Bubbles and Applesauce...who knew the memories they could make. :)

Living Life

I love to spend time with God, my husband and my kids. No denying that. Somehow in the midst of the daily tasks of working, cleaning, feeding, bathing, I’ve allowed the praying, playing, talking and living in the moment to take a back seat. Today, I’m changing that. For at least a week, perhaps longer, I’m limiting my computer use to work and work alone. Phones will only be used when I’m by myself. I am going to do my best to not think about the future, except of course our August vacation we have to plan this week, and I’m not going to think about missed opportunities that have long been gone. I am not going to do work at night, or think about my job when I don’t absolutely have to do so. I am going to focus on God, my husband, my kids, and myself. I am excited - no, I’m thrilled about this little adventure. It’s been much needed for a while. So, hello life! Happy Weekend! 

Picnic Time...No, Ma'am!

Tonight I had a picnic with Addi. It was in our fake park (the living room), with fake food, a fake blanket and a fake picnic basket...but it was so real! Addi laid out the blanket and sometimes it would crumple up while she was putting the food and cups on it, so she'd ask me to fix it and laugh every time I fixed it and patted it and told it to "stay right there!" :) The sweetest thing ever...after she laid all the food out, she cupped her little hands and said, "blessing" and we said the blessing. After we said it, she said, "Let's eat!!" She gets it. She knows that we pray before we eat our food. She may not understand that the blessings completely come from God, but she will one day. :) Such a sweet memory that we made tonight and I pray I NEVER forget it. Of course, the picnic was soon interrupted by a cute, blonde-hair, blue-eyed, rambunctious little boy who wanted to destroy Addi's set-up. He didn't know what he was doing, but boy did he upset his sister! My sweet little pray-er turned into a mean little yeller and kept telling her baby brother, "No, Ma'am!!" Haha. She thinks she's the boss and yes, she thinks her brother is a ma'am and anyone else she wants to tell no. We hope to quickly break her from that habit. But for now, I can't help but grin every time she looks at her daddy and says, "No, Ma'am!" to him. ;)

Hospital Stay

What a crazy last few days! I picked up Addi from daycare on Wednesday night only to find out that the bug bite that she had on her leg had grown since that morning and she was slightly limping. Within a couple hours of being home, she had a fever, was crying constantly because of the pain and would not eat. We called her doctor and long story short, brought her into the doctor's office as early as we could on Thursday. The doctor took one look at it and said we had to check her into the hospital as she was going to need to have the abscess surgically removed. Friday morning she had the surgery and she is now almost 100% back to her old self. I am hoping tomorrow that we will get a clear bill of health and we can resume life as normal (not that we really know what that is around here). :) I must say, my girl was a complete trooper throughout the whole process. Everyone was commenting on how adorable and sweet she was. She melted one nurse's heart by saying she was a nice lady and another nurse's heart by just being an overall jewell of a patient. She was a complete rockstar (which she likes to call herself now). :) We were so proud of her!!! I sure did miss my amazing little boy while I stayed overnight at the hospital with Addi. He missed me, too. When I finally did see him on Friday, he pressed his face to my face and just left it there for a few minutes. I love that boy to pieces. He is a rockstar, too! :) Oh, and I am so incredibly thankful for my family. My sweet sister, who is expecting her first baby, postponed her baby shower (which I know was a huge letdown) so that my mom could come help us during the whole ordeal. Thank you, Brandy and thank you, Mom for coming!!

Decisions

So Jared and I have a decision to make. We could use some prayers. I know to leave it like this is vague, but it's late, I'm tired and I am REALLY tired of thinking about this decision. Funny things Addi has done recently: She walks around saying, "I'm a goof!" Truer words have never been spoken...she is a goofball! The other night at dinner, she stuck the end of her banana in her cup of water and said, "Ewww...'nana pee-peed." Like I said, complete goofball! Yesterday when we got home after work / daycare, she said, "Daddy!" I asked her if she wanted to go see my daddy. She looked at me very seriously and said, "No. I want to see Addi's daddy!" :) In other news: She loves to help me cook dinner. I'm creating a cooking monster. Brogan is going to be a walker very soon. He has taken a couple steps by himself!! :) He loves to sing. Anytime I start to sing, he smiles and starts singing, "la, la, la!" The other day he told me he was "all done" after lunch. He is growing too fast! That's it for now. Have a great rest of the week!! :)

Where did the last month go?

I can't believe it's been a month since my last post. Crazy how time flies!!! Life is great! The kids are growing and learning every day. They are both so smart!

Addi's vocabulary, which was already great, has really developed in the last month. She is saying 5 word sentences quite a bit. Tonight she looked at Jared and me and said, "Jesus saves!" We then asked her where Jesus lives and she pointed to her heart. :) Such a sweet girl...and paying attention in Sunday School. She does still have a listening issue (as in she rarely wants to do as she tolds). I was in tears the other night because I just don't know what to do about her behavior. I know she's only two, but still, I wish she'd listen a little more. I know that she will eventually, but one thing is for sure, Jared and I totally don't have this parenting thing by the tail...but I guess that's common and we probably never will. :)

Brogan has added to his vocabulary and, in addition to mama and dada, now says, "Dat" (that), "Bye-Bye" and "No." He stands on his own quite a bit and will use the furniture to cruise around. I'm sure he will be walking before we know it. He has started hitting a little bit and we are hoping it's just a phase that he will soon outgrow. Surprisingly, when he hits his sister, she doesn't hit back. Maybe we should let her deck him one time so he'll learn his lesson. ;) Kidding. :)

We are all enjoying the beautiful weather and being able to spend lots of time outdoors!! It's so nice! We love our family time and just wish we had more of it together.

Anyway, after a WONDERFUL three day weekend, it's back to the grind tomorrow. Unfortunately, my outlook on my job still hasn't changed. It's a job and I'm blessed to have it, but I REALLY want to be at home with my children. Sometimes I completely feel out of God's will, but Jared and I both don't feel like it's God's will for me to quit or cut my hours right now either (thanks to the stupid health insurance aspect). So, we wait and pray that we are hearing God correctly and I am just praying and hoping that my babies aren't completely grown-up before I can spend more time with them. Enough of the woe is me, though.

We are looking forward to the rest of April...including attending a shower for my sweet nephew that is due in a few weeks! :) Can't wait to celebrate!!! :)

Have a blessed week!!

Two Years Old!

She is Two.

She is funny; hilarious actually. She dances at random commercials. She uses a perfect English accent to say, “Oh No!” She tells Jesus not to bite when we pray. She loves to laugh and to make people laugh.

She is always on the go. She loves to go for walks. She loves to go “bye-bye.” She loves to climb, dance and flip. She loves to wrestle with her daddy. She loves to have crawling races with her brother.

She is smart. She sings her ABC’s. She can count to 10. She knows every word to the Barney theme song. She loves to read her books. She speaks more words than any other child in her class.

She is creative. She loves to draw. She loves to color. She loves to write. She loves to paint. She has even been known to “tattoo” her brother on more than one occasion.

She is friendly. She rarely meets a stranger. She will say, “Hey!” “Hi!” or “I miss you!” to random people in Wal-Mart. She gives high-fives. She says “See you later” to big trucks and airplanes. She was even given the unofficial title of “Class Greeter” by one of the parents at her daycare.

She is affectionate. She tells her parents that she loves them multiple times a day. She loves to give hugs. She will tell mommy that she missed her every time she gets picked up at daycare. She loves to kiss her brother on his head.

She is compassionate. She doesn’t like to see her brother cry and will tell him that “it’s OK”. She will share with her friends at school, especially the quiet ones who aren’t playing with others. She even says, “Oh, No! Be careful!” to a boy that is in a tree (and it’s just a picture in her book).

She is musical. She loves to sing, “Baby Bumble Bee,” “The Wheels on the Bus,” and “Jesus loves me.” She loves to sit on her daddy’s lap and listen to music. She has watched so many Central Church of God songs on YouTube that when she sees the choir members in their robes at church, she gets excited and shouts, “Jesus!”

She is passionate. She is passionate about all things mentioned above. She is passionate about Elmo. She is passionate about Dora. She is passionate about animals. She is passionate about life.

She is beautiful. She knows it. She says, “I beautiful” and “I pretty” all the time. She doesn’t realize that her beauty on the inside is

She is God’s creation. She is fearfully and wonderfully made. She has steps that are ordered by God. She is a miracle. She is her parents’ constant reminder that God answers prayers in the most amazing way.

She is Addison Hope Turner.

We love you so much, Addi! Thank you for being YOU! Happy 2nd Birthday, sweet girl!!
Love - Daddy, Mommy and Brogan

Misunderstanding

Addi: "Buddy (her brother) pretty!"
Me: "No, you are pretty. Buddy is handsome."
Addi: (looks down at her legs and then at me) "I got pants on, too!"

I later told her that Daddy was handsome. She looked confused and said, "Daddy wear shorts." She was right, he was wearing shorts. :)

An old post

I was looking back at old posts that I never actually posted, and came across the below written on 5/26/09, right as I was in the trenches of dealing with infertility. It is applicable for me now, when I'm in the trenches of some other trials. Trials not quite as painful as infertility, but still weighing heavily on me. Trials that make me feel inadequate, frustrated, glum at times, annoyed, sad, etc. I hate these feelings and am trying hard to change them, and reading this post was a blessing. So here goes...

5/26/09
I have been pretty quiet on this blog for a while. While time does seem to have a way of getting away from me and there is often not enough time in the day to just get everything done that I need to or want to, I think I've also been slightly more introspective lately, wishing to keep my thoughts to myself. Unfortunately in doing this, I have failed to tell my thoughts to God. I know that He knows my thoughts before I even think them, but I also know that He longs for me to voice my thoughts to Him. Yes, I've been praying, but they've been surface prayers lately. Nothing too deep, nothing too personal. Admittedly a lot of the reason it's been this way is not because of laziness or because I am angry at God but because of fear. It seems that the closer Jared and I grow to God, the harder life gets. Our marriage is still wonderful and firmly in tact, but we've had some crazy, non-relationship things we've had to deal with. So, I've drawn back...afraid to move forward because I don't want anything bad to happen.


With our upcoming vacation to the ocean quickly approaching, I can't help but think about what I'm doing in terms of the way I approach the ocean. I am not much of a "shallow" ocean person. I love to have the waves gently glide over my feet, but I love even more to have a huge wave hit me and practically take my breath away. I get a thrill out of this. Jared thinks this is a sick thrill. But the farther I can get into the thick of the waves, the happier I am. Yet there is always this point in the ocean where I get past the waves to a calmer, gentler, yet deeper, part of the ocean, I can relax and quit working so hard, and actually see the people who are in a more shallow part of the ocean getting pounded by the waves a lot worse than I am. Right now, in my relationship with God, I've stepped back into the part of the ocean where the waves gently glide over my feet...I'm still in the "ocean", just not really doing much. I'm in a safe zone. As I move deeper, allowing God to work in every area of my life, trials are ultimately going to come that may take my breath away for a brief time. But if I can just get through these, I will get into an area where I can rest and relax knowing that I am completely consumed by God's love and right where He wants me to be. Sure there will be trials that will come, trials that might seem to slap me across my face, but how much better will it be knowing that I'm enjoying a relationship with an all-consuming God. So, no more holding back...it's time to get back in the trenches. :)

"Hey, where did you go?"

After a long day of work, I went to get the kiddos at daycare and was greeted by a huge hug from my sweet girl. Followed by her looking at me and saying, "Hey...where did you go?" :)

Love.that.girl.to.pieces!

Just Being Candid...

This was a tough week. Actually, it's been a tough 2012. Since January 1st, it seems like someone in our house has been sick or in pain almost every day. Just in the last two weeks, Addi had strep and a sinus infection, Brogan had two ear infections and congestion from teething Jared was sick, and now it seems Addi is getting sick again. We cannot catch a break in this area. It is frustrating. I know that in the midst of it all that God is here. I know that He is watching over us. I know that He is readily available to be my strength on the days when I break down and cry because I hate to see my family members sick and hate even more having to leave them to go to work when they are sick. Anyway, I KNOW all of this...it's a head knowledge. Yet sometimes, my heart doesn't feel the way my head thinks. Sometimes I feel like God is punishing me for working outside of the home (even though I am doing it for health insurance purposes), sometimes I feel like maybe we are out of His will - though everything seems to be pointing to the fact that we are not, sometimes I feel like He probably gets annoyed with me for asking for prayer for strength when what I am enduring pales in comparison to what others endure every day. Somehow though, I KNOW I am wrong. I KNOW that God loves me, I KNOW that He cares...and even in all my distress and agony of feeling like a sub-par Christian, wife, mother, daughter/sister, friend, employee, etc, I not only KNOW, but can feel that my Abba Father, my daddy is holding me in His arms. So, until I am strong enough to stand on my own again, here I am, a little weak, a little battle-torned, a little weary, but A LOT loved by my Amazing God who is comforting me and encouraging me to get back on my two feet and keep going.

Sick Day

Addi has been sick this week...very sick...as in sinus infection and strep throat kind of sick. After watching her slowly start to fade from perky and playful to weak and tired on Sunday, I determined that Monday was going to be a sick day for both of us. Usually, when the kids are sick, Jared and I split the responsiblities, but this time he was not able to and I was more than willing to take care of my sick baby. I decided that I wasn't just going to work from home, instead I took a personal day so that I could spend the ENTIRE day nursing my sick patient. I took her to the doctor, I let her pick out toys while we were in Walgreens waiting for her prescription, I gave her a picnic in the living room that consisted of milk and applesauce because that is what she wanted, and most of all I let her sit on my lap with her head rested on me as much as she desired. I hated that she was sick, but oh how I loved that day, and oh how I NEEDED that day. It's hard when you work outside of the home to not be the one to always be there when your baby needs you to be, for once I was able to be and it did my heart so good.

Our adorable daughter is on the mend...today was proof enough when I caught her standing on her brother, while he laughed. Thank God he wasn't hurt, and I'm not sure how he wasn't, but even so, at that moment I realized two things: 1. Addi is getting back to her feisty self and 2. Addi and Brogan are so amazing together. :)

Time to sleep!

Dear Brogan,

You are almost 8 months old! You can crawl, you can speak (a couple of words), you have a new-found joy in pestering your sister, you have a sweet, carefree personality...you are amazing! Since you are such a big boy now, I think its time for your to start sleeping consistently through the night. Your daddy and I are on to you...you cry, we go in to comfort you, you stop crying as soon as we pick you up. You are not hurting, you are not scared, you are not hungry...you are S-P-O-I-L-E-D. So, it is after 11:00 pm and I think NOW would be such a great time for you to discover all the happiness that comes your way when you sleep through the night. Seriously, try it, you will not be disappointed.

With all of my love and affection,
A VERY tired Mommy

Biting Woes

So one of our not so proud moments of last week included Addi biting a child at her daycare. Although she has been bit several times and was the recipient of a lovely bite mark on her side just that morning that has still not gone away, I was quite mortified that our non-biter became a biter. Thankfully this has been an isolated incident and I'm hoping beyond all hope that this will remain the case. Anyway, since the jaws incident, every morning on the way to daycare, my prayers have gone something like this: "Dear Jesus, Thank you for this beautiful day and for all of your many blessings." Etc,etc. and have ended with "Please help Addi not to bite today, because we do not bite. No biting, it's not nice." Granted, I have stressed the biting part intentionally so that Miss Addi will know that Mommy does not approve of biting and hoping she would realize that Jesus doesn't either. So the other day when we went to pray, I started out with, "Dear Jesus" and she quickly replied with, "No bite, Jesus, No, No!" I almost wrecked the car as I realized my baby girl now thinks Jesus bites his friends too. I was hoping it was a one time thing, but no, tonight when we said her bedtime prayers, she pointed her little index finger in the air and said, "No bite, Jesus!"

This week's fun and not so fun moments...

Moments from this week:

- Brogan got a nasty stomach virus on Tuesday and today is the first day that he has not thrown up since that time (keeping my fingers crossed that I won't regret typing this just now considering this is still a couple hours left in our day). As a result, he was out of daycare for four days and went to the doctor twice.

- We had people come over to watch the national championship college football game on Monday night and had a good time. Unfortunately, the team Jared wanted to win didn't win, but oh well. :)

- Brogan is CRAWLING!!!! And while I know that in a few weeks we may wish he wasn't crawling quite yet, we are still so proud!! :) Keeping in line with our families philosophy of always having something funny to tell with our big milestones...as soon as Brogan started crawling, I started crying happy tears as he crawled right to me...I picked him up and hugged him and he threw up all over me. Even so, it was a great moment. :)

- Funny Addi saying:
- Mommy: Addi, don't hit your brother.
Addi: Please?

- I saw a colleague who I haven't seen since he experienced an absolute tragic event in December and I was so glad to see him smile. While I know there is an insurmountable amount of pain behind the smile, it is nice to know the smile is still there.

- Addi and Brogan are interacting even more than they were last week...and it is so much fun to watch. Today, Addi would say she was going bye-bye and then would walk back to Brogan and hug him and say, "Hi Buddy! I missed you!" He thought this was great and would laugh every time she hugged him. It was such a precious moment. :)

- Another Addi/Brogan interaction that was not quite so precious also happened today. Brogan was sitting and playing and minding his own business and Addi had some water in a cup. She walked over to him and proceeded to pour the water all over his lap, on purpose.

- While at Wal-Mart yesterday, Addi tried to stand up in the cart and of course was saying that she was "stuck" because I had the seat belt clipped around her. I told her she wasn't stuck and some woman looked at me and told me to not let her stand up because someone might snatch her. I sort-of nodded at the woman, and then I pushed the cart with my baby girl and walked as fast as I could in the opposite direction. Who would tell someone something like that???

- Also while at Wal-Mart yesterday, Addi saw a man at the end of an aisle with gray hair. Of course, she thought this was Grandpa and started yelling, "Hi Grandpa!!" She was so excited. The man and his wife thought it was hilarious. I did too, until she started crying for "Grandpa" when he walked down a different aisle. It made me sad that all of her grandparents are a few hours away because she really enjoys spending time with them.

- And one more Wal-Mart story...Addi saw a white-haired woman and thought this was her "Gigi" which is Jared's Grandmother. She yelled for her Gigi and when the lady didn't look at her, Addi covered her eyes to play peek-a-boo. Crazy girl.

- We thoroughly enjoyed song time with our sweet babies tonight. Addi requested that we sing, "Baby Bumble Bee" half a dozen times though. Every time we would sing it, Addi would light up and say, "Ouch...it stung me!!"

- While reading "Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do you See?" Addi was finishing the sentences. We have obviously read that book a lot. She also loves "God Gave us You" and calls it her "Night-Night Baby Bear" book. :) I love reading to her and Brogan. :)

- Brogan has taken a huge interest in sitting in his bouncy seat and seeing how fast he can bounce. It is so cute to watch and it's so much fun to watch him crawl out of the seat, too. ADORABLE. :)

I guess that's it. While these moments may not sound that interesting, they are moments I'm so afraid I'll forget if I don't write them down, so if you read to the end of this, I hope I didn't bore you!! :)

Have a blessed week!!

Last Week

Favorite and/or crazy moments of this past week (in no particular order):

- Date day with Mr. Wonderful :)

- Going back to work - while not exactly the most exciting event, the fact that I have a job that helps provide for our family is such a blessing!

- Addi climbing on the table while her brother was sitting in his bumbo on top of it (and yes, I know babies shouldn’t sit in bumbos on top of furniture, but I assure you he was absolutely safe). Of course we told Addi not to climb on the table anymore, butI had to secretly take a picture first. ;)

- Addi saying, "Hi Daddy!" to a stranger in a parking lot. He told her he wasn't daddy...I assured him that she knows her daddy and that he lives at home with us. :)

- Brogan rolling all over the floor while happily yelling, "dada, dada, dada....baa, baa, baa." He talks non-stop and I love it. :)

- Addi getting on the floor and saying, "Crawl, Crawl!" to her brother and demonstrating for Jared and I how Brogan gets on his knees and rocks back and forth. :)

- Taking a family nap on Sunday afternoon. :)

- Spending time with sweet friends from out of town on Friday night.

- Listening to an amazing sermon from our awesome pastor!

- Laughing hysterically with the kiddos while throwing a sheet over the three of us. We are so building a fort soon!! :)

- Brogan discovering that he could look at the glass door in the hutch and see our reflections in it. This made him very happy!

- Watching Jared and Addi sit outside and talk and sing together. It melts my heart to watch my sweet husband interact with our kids on such a personal level. He is such a great daddy!

- Waking up to Addi singing, “Old McDonald Had a Farm.” :)

- Getting an unexpected note from a friend.

- Watching Brogan hold his bottle. This is a big accomplishment as he has shown no interest in holding his own bottle for months.

- Hooking up and playing with the amazing printer Jared got for me for Christmas!! I LOVE it!!

Welcome 2012 and Terrible Two's!

Aww the joy of a New Year...with it comes so much excitement and hope of what the year will bring. It's a time to reflect on what you would like to change (besides two babies diapers multiple times a day) and what adventures you'd like to take (adventures that don't include Wal-Mart or Target as the main source of entertainment). This is the first time in two years that I have not entered the year pregnant. That kind-of makes me sad...mainly because I would like another maternity leave and because as Jared says, I live for the big moments...but reality is, I'm happy to not be pregnant with our third child, yet (and no, we do not have plans to have a third child any time in the near future...if ever). So this will be the year to really live for the "small" moments. The moments that, when all is said and done, collectively take your breath away. :) Like watching your 7 month-old sit himself up after he was laying on his stomach, or listening to your 21 month old sing, "Oh Christmas Tree" for the twentieth time in one day, or feeling pride when your husband tells you about the joy he finds in volunteering his time in our church, or the excitement that shines in your sister's eyes as she anticipates holding her baby boy or girl in just a few short months, or the love you feel when family is gathered together and are enjoying just being together. And with these somewhat simple moments, come the sad moments, too, that though tough to endure are a necessary part of life, and if given the opportunity, are moments that can teach you and remind you of what is truly important. And while I don't want to dwell on the difficult moments of 2011, the disappointments, the fears, the failures...I know that this year will bring both happy and sad times, fun and hard times, and yes, even scary times.

Scary, you say? Yes, scary...as in our daughter has officially entered the terrible two's. Before you think you may have missed something, no, she is not even two yet. We have 2 months and 9 days before that happens, yet here we are, in terrible twoville and Jared and I are S-C-A-R-E-D. We started seeing signs a couple months ago, but it's almost as if Addi decided to make her own New Year resolutions that include the following:

1. I will throw temper-tantrums, complete with head-banging, arm-flailing, ear-piercing screams that last for upwards of 30 mintues.

2. I will hit anything that is around me when I don't get my way - even if this means batting at Daddy, Mommy or my baby brother. I will then proceed with the above mentioned temper tantrum show when I get punished for my actions.

3. I will ware my Daddy and Mommy out. When they scold me, I will act like I don't care, or of course, throw a temper-tantrum. When they are trying to sleep in the middle of the night, I will wake up multiple times shreaking, for no reason...and when they come into my room thinking that I am scared, I will reply with a joyful, "Hi Daddy!" or "Buddy sleeping!" or "Me hungry!" When they lay me back down, I will throw a temper-tantrum.

4. I will not play with my toys, color, or read books. Instead, I will pull drawers completely out of my dresser, try to open cabinet doors, jump on the furniture, climb on the top of the dining room table and annoy my little brother. When someone trys to divert my attentino to a toy, craft or book, I think I will throw a temper-tantrum instead.

5. I will receive lots of hugs and love from Daddy and Mommy. They know that I am growing and learning and though they don't understand why I am doing what I am doing, they know that I don't either. So, they will be patient with me, they will get on their knees in prayer each day for me, they will let me know that I am loved and appreciated and an important member of our family. When I come out of this stage, I will be more confident, more secure of my position in life, and understand my boundaries a lot better.

So here we go...as we watch our sweet little girl turn into a screaming banshee over and over again, we will do our best to not forget that this is all part of growing up. And we hope, beyond all hope, that her terrible two's will be LONG gone before her brother gets into his.

We wish you all a very Happy New Year!!!