Week 26

Symptoms - Morning sickness is still about the same...3 times a week. Energy level is about the same as it has been for the last few weeks. Biggest issue - I cannot sleep! Between getting up to go to the bathroom, heartburn (hope that means Addi's hair is growing!) and just plain ol' insomnia, I have decided sleeping is something I will not do much of for the rest of the pregnancy (and for months after). Oh well. :) I've also noticed that I have a huge desire to get everything organized...not sure if I'm getting the first symptoms of "nesting" or if this is just the way I am at times. :)

Memorable Moments / Highlights - On Sunday, Jared and I celebrated Christmas for just the two of us at our new home. It will be the last time for quite some time that just the two of us will open presents alone as next year our Addi will join in on the festivities! :) After we celebrated, we got away for a few days (probably our last vacation until Addi is born). We also celebrated Christmas in Virginia with our families and a lot of snow. Addison got lots of cute presents, though I know the amount received this year will be nothing compared to the loot she will receive next year. Jared and I bought her a couple of onesies as presents. :) One says, "I love Daddy. Daddy loves me." The other says, "Mommy's Little Princess." :) Jared also cleared out the nursery yesterday. We are hoping to make a decision on bedding and such this week so that we can paint the nursery sometime soon.

Feelings/Thoughts - I have had a lot of urges to just be able to get to hold my sweet baby. I think a lot of it is because we have some friends who have been in and out of the hospital all week, just waiting on their first baby to make it's grand entrance. :) We are also getting VERY anxious to just get Addi's room ready.

Week 23

Symptoms - Morning sickness is getting MUCH better again! :)

Memorable Moments / Highlights - Addi's popularity is already global! She received her first present from some people I buy raw materials for in China. They heard I was pregnant and having a girl and sent the sweetest card and cute little stuffed bean bag things for Addi. :)

Feelings/Thoughts - Jared and I have talked a lot about Addi's character traits this week. We want so badly for her to love God with all of her heart and to have a giving spirit.

Week 22

Week 22

Symptoms - Morning sickness has remained, but at least it hasn't been every single morning. Energy level is getting better and better. I managed to make it through a whole day of shopping on Friday! :) My appetite is increasing, too.

Memorable Moments / Highlights - I felt Addison move (from the outside of my stomach)on Monday whiile listening to Christmas music. :) I haven't felt her since, but can't wait until Jared gets to feel her move! We attended a special church service on Tuesday evening and were able to take communion for the first time since I have been pregnant. It was such an overwhelming feeling and I can't even explain why. When I stop and reflect on all of God's blessings this past year, I am just completely consumed with thankfulness. We drove to Virginia this week and it took us FOREVER. Jared had to stop about every 45 minutes so that I could go to the bathroom. I think Addi is sitting right on my bladder! Celebrating Thanksgiving was amazing! I also saw Jared's grandparents for the first time since I've been pregnant...they are so excited! :)

Feelings/Thoughts - Just pure joy! :) Jared has already started thinking about baby #2. :) While driving to Virginia, I mentioned that next Thanksgiving we would have a baby in the back seat. He replied with, "And you could be pregnant again." :)

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

We hope all of you have a very blessed Thanksgiving!!! Thank you for being part of our lives (or just reading our blog if we don't know you!) :)

Week 21

I have been terrible about journaling about my pregnancy, so I am going to start keeping a weekly log. Here is this week's:

Week 21

Symptoms - Morning sickness has returned every single morning. Energy level is not so great, but not so bad either. I still feel WAY better than I did the first trimester and can't complain. I've said it before, but it's true...this is so worth it for our sweet little Addi! :)

Memorable Moments / Highlights - We went to the doctor and got to see our precious baby girl again! :) I love watching her on the screen and love the look Jared gets on his face as he watches her. She had her hand in the air waving to us again. ;) We found out that she weighs 15 ounces...one ounce shy of a pound! They are now 100% certain she is a girl, which means I can continue to eat My Little Pony and Disney Princess fruit snacks. Jared said if it was a boy, I would have to stop. The ultrasound technician said Addison's spine and heart are beautiful! Last time another technician said the same about her brain. We are so thankful that everything seems well! We also found out that Addison will have another friend to play with. One of my good friends from church is 7 weeks pregnant today! :) It's so much fun to experience pregnancy with others...I LOVE it! :)

Feelings/Thoughts - We felt a little overwhelmed this week as we started discussing baby sitters and our lack of family around the area. But, we figure we can swap babysitting services with some of our friends from time to time as needed.... and are pretty certain that our families will be here quite a bit to help out on a lot of weekends anyway. :) As we have started decorating for Christmas and listening to Christmas music pretty much all the time, I can't help but think about how different next year will be with a little one! What fun!!! :) Other than that, we're just feeling very thankful and excited! :)

Quote

"God uses your weakness, not your strength." - Pastor Loran Livingston

How Addison Hope Got Her Name

We came up with the name Addison months before we conceived. I knew I wanted to call our little girl "Addi," but only wanted that to be a shortened version of a longer name. I wracked my brain trying to come up with a name. After a couple of days, Jared suggested Addison. We both love it!

We came up with the middle name Hope because during our long journey of trying to conceive, we never lost our hope. We knew that God was going to allow us to be parents someday, somehow.

Also, one of the songs that I really loved during the most difficult months of our journey has the following words:

When my life is like a storm
Rising waters all I want is the shore
You say I'll be ok and
Make it through the rain
You are my shelter from the storm

(CHORUS)
Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

You've become my hearts desire
I will sing Your praises higher
Cause Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free

The irony, until two weeks ago, which was long after we decided on the name Addison Hope, I didn't know that the name of the group that sings this song is "Addison Road." I love how God works! :)

Wedding

On October 3rd, I had the great privilege of watching my sister, Brandy marry the man of her dreams. The wedding was outside in my parents' yard and was absolutely beautiful! :) I was filled with such joy as I observed the happiness on both Brandy and her husband, Jason's faces.

Jared and I wish you both the best as you go through life together!! We love you guys! :)

Observation

I made an interesting observation the other day. On my digital camera I have pictures from our beach trip in June, the video of me telling Jared I was pregnant, and pictures of our house the day we closed. No, the observation I made was not that I need to download my pictures, though that probably wouldn't be a bad idea. The observation was how far we had come in a few short months.

When we went to the beach in June, one of the many things that we did was have an intense discussion on what we needed to focus on in terms of financial priorities. We both agreed that the number one and two spot would be to adopt a child or pursue fertility treatments and to buy a house. Our human minds, figured it was either a give or take situation. We could either have a child or buy a house. It was tough...our hearts were screaming, "you want a child," but our heads were telling us a house would be more practical at this time.

Who knew what God had in store. It's funny how we try to write our own story and He makes it so much better! We didn't have to give up or delay either dream any longer than He chose.

A Letter for the Baby - Story One

Dear Our Precious Miracle,

By the time you are able to read this, I know you'll know just how loved you are by so many people! :) You will also know the amazing way that God allowed you to come into our lives - something I'm positive we'll tell you over and over again! Most importantly, you will know that Jesus loves you very much!!!

Just in case you forget the many stories that I'm sure your daddy and I will tell you several times, there are a a few that we really want for you to remember. For now, I'll just share one:

How I told your daddy I was pregnant with you!

I bought a bib from Target that says "I Love Daddy" and taped two of the six pregnancy tests that I took on the bib. The night I told him, we had our first House to House get together. You'll know all about House to House growing up, so I'll spare you the details here. Anyway, on the way there, your dad expressed how concerned he was because I had been sick for a while. I wanted to blurt out that I was pregnant right then, but since we were in the car and he was driving, and we were already late for our dinner, I decided to wait!

After a fun night with great people, we finally got home around 10:30. I couldn't wait to give your dad his present!!! I knew I wanted to record his reaction on our digital camera, but also knew he would think it was odd if I gave him a present and started recording him. So I came up with a lame excuse that I wanted to record him doing an impersonation (something I sadly admit has entertained us quite a bit in the past). About half way through his impersonation, I stopped the camera and told him I had a present for him. He looked at me funny as I handed him a gift bag (he later said he thought it was a candy bar!). When he opened the present and saw the bib, he looked at it for a few seconds and then said, "Are you pregnant?" I responded with, "YES!" He then said "REALLY?" at least three or four times. I have the video to prove it. :) Once I turned off the camera, he hugged me and then said, "We need to thank God!" He prayed such a sweet prayer, thanking God for you!

After the prayer, he called two of his college roommates, Scott and Jordan. They very happy for us and your daddy was beaming when he mentioned you! :)

Finally around 12:30 we went to bed. I woke up at 4:00 a.m. and could not fall back to sleep, so around 5:00 I woke up your dad! We talked a lot about you: How shocked and amazed we were to find out about you. How much we wanted you to love God. How much we wanted you to be healthy and happy. How it seemed like an eternity before we would be able to hold you in our arms. We laughed and cried until almost 7:00. We thought it was funny that you were already keeping us up at nights! ;)

We sure can't wait to meet you and we love you so much!!! :)

Our Precious Miracle!!!

I have waited to post this blog for a few reasons, but since I stink at sitting down and writing in a journal, and since I am now 14 weeks pregnant, I figured if I don't start capturing details of this pregnancy, I may never get around to doing it. Here's to hoping I will actually blog more than I recently have! :)

A bit of background...

After trying to conceive for a year, and taking a round of Clomid, I was told by a doctor last February that my chances of getting pregnant without meds were impossible and the outlook of getting pregnant and/or staying pregnant with meds didn't seem too great either. We were crushed. I'll never forget Jared's reaction to this news. As soon as I told him, he said it was like God told him to just praise Him. So he did and I did my best to follow his lead. Jared is an amazing spiritual leader of our home!!!

We learned so much about God during this time. Sure we hurt deeply, there was rarely (if any) a day that went by that we didn't think about it. I shed many tears of sorrow, but I also shed tears of joy just because God is God. How awesome and amazing He truly is. Our biggest prayer throughout this time was that God would align our desires to be exactly what His desires were for our lives. If this meant not having children - though we knew it would hurt - we were willing to accept it.

Not being able to shake the desire of wanting to have children, we decided to look into the adoption process. In June we went to a seminar to gather more information about adopting a child from Russia. We were excited about this idea...but not excited about the price. Just a side note: It's absolutely RIDICULOUS how much it costs to adopt a child. There are people longing to be parents, children longing to have parents, and yet the cost is so substantial that it can be nearly impossible for an average couple to adopt. We walked out of the seminar feeling a bit dejected, but we continued to pray and seek God.

In early July Jared finally convinced me to make another appointment with a new doctor to discuss fertility treatments - he even did the research to find out who I should go see. So sweet of him! :) Anyway, I reluctantly agreed, knowing that my insurance did not cover any treatments. I made the appt. for the first week in August just to put off the inevitable! About three weeks before the appointment, I started feeling a bit "off." I took a pregnancy test just because that is what I had grown accustomed to doing any time I felt weird. The test was negative. As the feeling continued and seemed to worsen, Jared and I were both getting a bit worried about what was wrong with me.

Finally, Thursday, July 30th, on a whim, I decided to get another pregnancy test though I truly felt like I was just wasting our money. I took the pregnancy test and it had two lines, which meant I was pregnant. I immediately took a picture of the test and sent it to my sister, Brandy who was enjoying a meal with her fiance. I'm sure that was an appetizing picture...haha! Anyway, she said they both saw two lines. I still didn't believe it and Brandy - being the voice of reason that she is - told me to wait until the morning and take another one. So at 4:30 in the morning I took another one and eventually there were two lines on that one. I STILL did not believe it. To keep a long story short, I took 4 more tests and was finally somewhat convinced that I was pregnant. I told Jared that Friday night (though I had to wait until we got back from a church dinner before I could tell him) and he was in complete shock, but very excited.

On Tuesday, August 4th, the appt. that was meant to discuss fertility options instead became an appt. to confirm our little miracle!!! We saw the baby on the screen and saw the heart beating and we were instantly in love with this amazing child who was only the size of a grain of rice. We walked out of the doctor's office, sat on a bench, and promptly called our parents to tell them the news. :)

We don't know why we had to go on the journey we did to get to where we are, but we are happy we did. It was a time that taught us a lot about God and ourselves and opened our eyes to a hurt that so many couples in the world endure - infertility. We NEVER want to forget the feelings we had during that time so that we can continue to empathize and pray for those who are still waiting for their little miracle. We also haven't felt released from adopting, and if God desires for us to adopt at some point, we will be thrilled to be able to do so. Who knows what God has in store!

We are continuing to pray for a safe and healthy pregnancy, a healthy and happy child, and most importantly that God will be glorified in all three of our lives. EVERY child is a miracle from God, but we can't wait to be able to tell our child why he/she is such an amazing miracle to us!! Our prayer is that our child will grow to love the Lord more than anything else in this world. Thank you for joining us on this journey!! :)

Focus and Remember

There are times when I am reminded of just how weak I am. Jared and I have received great news in the last couple of weeks (a blog about it all is coming soon!) and I am completely overwhelmed by what God is doing in our lives. We are so blessed!!!

Yet, with this amazing blessing has come much agony on my part. I have been an emotional wreck. Instead of dwelling on God and who He is (not even to mention what He has done), I have been worried sick that something bad is going to happen. I admit that I have been quite disappointed in myself. Why now, of all times, am I in such distress and how unfair am I being to God? The only conclusion that I can come to is that it's an attack. I was talking to a friend yesterday about how easy it seems to get so caught up in life's situations that we forget what God has already done. I am going to try really hard not to do that. In Psalms, David oftened referred to how he remembered what God had done in the past. In Philippians 4: 19 we are reminded to think on the things that are true, noble, just, pure, lovely of good report - and what's more wonderful to think about than God. When I remember what God has brought me through and I focus on God and who He is, an overwhelming peace and joy come over me. It's in these times that I can look up and say, "God, I KNOW that You are in control!"

A Blog by Jared

I am amazed by God - by both who He is and what He does. Almost every day I find myself more and more motivated to do something to help build His Kingdom. One of the things God has shown me recently is that you don't have to be a pastor, or any kind of clergyman for that matter, to share the love of Christ to the world. The sense of reward and satisfaction I feel by simply helping someone find a seat at church (I'm an usher) and taking up the offering has exceeded my wildest imaginations. Yet it is such a small, small sacrifice of time and energy compared to what Jesus did for us when he died for the redemption of our sins. I have come to the place in my life that I realize I don't need to try to always understand God. Sure, I want to know Him more, and I strive to do just that through prayer, scripture reading, church attendance, listening to Christian music in the car, etc. But God operates on a level that we cannot always (ever?) wrap our minds around. Who am I to question God because I don't have as much money as the guy down the street? Who am I to doubt God because I don't always get everything I want right when I want it? Who am I to bargain with God and say, "If You do this for me, then I'll do that for You." I am nothing but a sinner saved by grace - promising God I will do much of anything is just setting myself up for failure. Our pastor recently told the congregation he was thinking of putting fortune cookies on the communion table so people could learn something good about their future, because it seems that all we want as Christians is to be able so snap our fingers and BAM, the Lord just beams down whatever we want whenever we want it. So many people are looking for a word, a sign, a miracle so they can go back and say, "Look at what God did" (actually sometimes it's probably more like, "Look at what we did" but I won't go there right now). Do we not realize that God already did the miracle of all miracles when He raised Jesus from the dead and saved us from our filthy unrighteousness? Seriously. What else do we need to be convinced that God has the power to do great and supernatural things - even if He chooses not to. Here's the crux of the matter: God doesn't operate on our timetable; He operates on His. We don't know what we need to live happy, complete lives; He does. Just because God doesn't always grant our every desire at the moment we desire it doesn't mean He loves us any less. It simply means He is sovereign and we aren't. I think sometimes God must wonder how many times he must prove Himself for us to finally TRUST Him with everything - jobs, health, children, future, etc. I know what you're thinking: "Well, that's easier said than done for you, Jared." I'll admit I have lived a charmed life compared to a lot of people. But the thing to remember is that everyone endures trials, heartaches and emotions that only God can understand. The next time one comes your way, (and I'm preaching to myself here), why not just stop and thank God for being who He is and for what He's already done in your life. We are put on this earth for one purpose and one purpose only: To serve God. And if you're like me and all you're doing for Him at the moment is handing out bulletins and helping lead a Bible study for senior citizens once a month, it counts more toward eternity than all the trophies and riches in the world. All this being said, I leave you with the words of one of my favorite songs, one that we often sing at church near the end of services.Think about His loveThink about His goodnessThink about His graceThat has brought us throughFor as high as the Heavens aboveSo great is the measure of the Father's loveSo great is the measure of our Father's love

Always Present

Events that have transpired this week:
1. My stepdad, Bill's father was hospitalized - and we learned he would never come home
2. PRAYED HARD....multiple times!!! God sustained a great man while family from hundreds of miles came to see him.
3. We discovered water had saturated our living room carpet for the second time in less than a year
4. Prayed that I wouldn't lose it; I managed not to!
5. Met with our apartment manager after the water remained on our floor, virtually untouched for over 24 hours
6. Prayed that my mouth wouldn't get us thrown out of our usually wonderful apartment complex...it didn't; I was calm
7. "Jose" (some of you know who I am talking about!) ;)
8. Prayed that God will reveal everything in His time; I know that He will!
9. Jared's car broke down in a not so safe area
10. Prayed that this would be the last straw for Jared...it was!
11. Haggled with car dealers for 3 1/2 hours...to no avail
12. Prayed for patience...haha...I know...even so, we managed to maintain our clarity of mind.
13. Wised up and went to a better car dealership the next night...then another...finally, after 4 hours found a car
14. Prayed a prayer of THANKSGIVING! We have a new car!
15. Got lost going back to the dealership the next day to pick up the car, almost wrecked my car because of the rainstorm on the way...finally got there and signed on the dotted line.
16. Prayed Jared would drive our new car safely home; made it safe and sound!
17. Got a call at 1:00 A.M. this morning that Bill's father had passed away... :(
18. Prayed for my family; thanked God for Dee's amazing life -- God has been and will be glorified by the legacy he leaves.
19. Decided to take a half day off today...came home and discovered that maintenance had broken a lamp in our living room...and had not cleaned it up
20. Prayed I wouldn't cut myself cleaning up the mess; I didn't!
21. Cried as I watched "Birth Day" and scared myself by watching "Mystery Diagnosis" this afternoon
22. Prayed that I will be a great mother some day; prayed that I wouldn't contract an undiagnosable disease --Regardless...my steps will be guided by the Lord.

And it's only Fridayafternoon...those are just some of the events...and that's just a small list of the prayers. I can't imagine not having God to turn to when life is chaotic. God - on those weeks that I turn to You multiple times a day - and on those days where I go about practically failing to pay attention to You...THANK YOU for caring and for ALWAYS being there!!!!

Live for Today

When I moved to Blacksburg over 4 years ago, I remember sulking because I missed my friends and family so much.  In fact, I sulked so much that I believe I missed out on developing some really great friendships.  When we moved to Charlotte, I missed my job a lot!  I realized today that I actually have been yearning for that part of my life back and am missing out on what I do have - albeit a job that I'm not particularly fond of all of the time.  Lately I've been worried about the economy and what we would do if Jared or I lost our jobs, worried about friends and family and have agonized over a delayed dream.  It seems that there is always something to miss in the past and something to worry about in the future.  That's not how we're supposed to live!  Matthew 6: 34 says, "Therefore do now worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things.  Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."  That's not a very encouraging verse - unless you like thinking about how today has a lot of troubles - unless you read the verse before it, "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you."  Instead of thinking about the past, or worrying about the future, we should be focusing on seeking God and becoming more like Him now.  So I challenge you to look around and ask God to show you how to live today to the fullest. While it's nice to have memories and important to plan for the future, it's even better to live in the moment with your steps being directed by God.

Beach Bound

So excited to be headed to the beach for the week! :) Happy days ensue!! :)

Been awhile....

I didn't realize it had been so long since I last blogged...guess life is a bit crazy these days!

Things here are great, though I must say that tonight I'm a bit frustrated. Since I only know of 2 semi-faithful readers, I feel that I can go ahead and step right up onto my soap box.

Sometimes I DETEST ignorance. Granted, I know that I have had my fair share of times of making ignorant comments...and can only pray if my comments hurt anyone, that they have since been able to get past it and forgive (and hopefully forget!) about it.

Today I read a comment on Facebook that infuriated me. It shouldn't have. It wasn't a comment directed towards me, though it wouldn't surprise me if there wasn't an underlying hint for me to take from it, but I digress. Anyway, the comment hurt deeply. Poor Jared has listened to me complain about it and held me while I cried about it. The thing that bothered me so much about this comment was that it suggested if someone isn't in a certain phase of life, they haven't reached the pinacle of greatness that other people in this certain phase have. I'm sorry, but that's just stupid. To suggest this is to basically say that God doesn't seem to care as much for those who aren't in this phase of life. Well...you know what, God did not design robots! Who is to say that we're all supposed to graduate from college at 22, get a job in the career field of our dreams, get married, buy a house, have children, buy a larger house, become empty-nesters, become grandparents, retire and vacation for the rest of our lives (all in that order)? What about the people who gave up the American dream to become missionaries? What about the people who are having a tough time finding that special someone? What about the people who were in a certain field of work and then lost their job and had to go into another field? I believe each of us have a certain area (or areas) of life that things have not gone exactly as planned...some of us can make changes in those areas right away, others of us cannot. Regardless, God does not esteem the people who are in one phase of life higher than those who are not.

At least this comment made me realize again the complete importance of thinking of how my haphazard statements may make other people feel.

OK...I'm stepping down from my soapbox.

Hope everyone has a great week (all two of you!) ;)

Spring is in the air

I LOVE Spring!!! :)

I love the longer, warmer days. I love the way the trees bud and the flowers bloom. I love to hear the birds chirping and the lawn mowers roaring. It's a joy to watch people walking or biking and children running around outside. It's like everything is awakening from a deep sleep and all is well with the world. :)

For the second Spring, we also have a bird who has made her home in a nest outside of our back door. Judging by the hours she is spending sitting on her eggs, it won't be long until her babies are born! :)

Anyway...HAPPY SPRING! Enjoy it!! :)

Wikipedia Definition of Patience

Patience: is the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without becoming annoyed or upset; or exhibiting forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties

No matter what definition I read for patience, they all say something to elude to not becoming annoyed or upset, but seriously, I'm ready to be done with my lesson on patience!! I know...not a very patient way to put it.

Regardless, God is amazing and as my pastor told the congregation yesterday, we should all be "swimming in great joy" because of what God has done for us. :) I am indeed swimming. :)

Delight in the Lord

A friend of mine had Psalm 37:4 on his Facebook page this week. This verse states, "Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart." This friend then posed the question, "How do you delight yourself in the Lord?"

As I pondered this question, I thought about how odd it is that the majority of Christians know the second part of this verse all too well, "He shall give you the desires of your heart" but how often do we forget the first part of the verse. We must delight ourselves in the Lord. How do we do this? Delight means to experience great pleasure and joy in His presence. When we delight ourselves in the Lord by praising and thanking Him, our attitudes begin to change. Our focus shifts from ourselves to our Creator. When we focus on Him, suddenly our desire is to please Him by doing His will, not ours. We start to focus on the amazing blessings God has given us, not on what we don't have.

Verse 5 of Psalm 37 says, "Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and he shall bring it to pass." When we start to delight in the Lord, we want to commit our ways to Him and to trust Him in every area of our life. To commit and trust in Him, we must entrust Him with everything we have in our lives. When we do this, the things that seemed too hard for us to handle will suddenly not be so difficult. God will take the burden from us and bring it to pass.

For the past few weeks, my prayer has consistently been that my desires will align directly with God's desire. I don't want to long for something that isn't God's will. I'll admit it's not easy coming to grips with the fact that what I want for my life may not be what God wants for my life. But, I am learning to delight in Him, to commit to Him and to trust in Him more each day.

WHY?!?!

I can't help but wonder...

Why does a 14-year-old and 6-year-old have to watch their mother's body be buried tomorrow?
Why does a 2-year-old have to suffer with a brain tumor?
Why did a hard-working man have to be laid off of his job after closing on his house the week before?

My list of why's are long these days...perhaps because the world we're living in just seems to be so chaotic. Right now I am wrestling with one really big WHY? I don't think it's wrong to ask God, "Why?"...it's probably wrong to get stuck on having to know the answer right away, or even ever. Some things will never be explained and will never make sense. What's important is knowing that regardless of the reasons, ultimately God has a better plan for our lives than we do.

Random Hugs

I can't stop thinking about Luke tonight. Luke is a beautiful, blonde-haired boy at our church. I have the privilege to interact with him on Sunday nights. Every Sunday, at random times, Luke will come up to me and smile and give me a huge hug. He was doing it so much one night, that the lady who was in class with me asked me if he was mine. I don't know why he has taken such a "liking to me" (that's such a southern term...haha) but he has. One of the cool things about Luke is that he is adopted from Russia. In fact, I don't think his parents have even had him for a year. On my way home from church tonight I began to think of what Luke's like could have been if he wasn't chosen to be adopted by loving parents. Would the joy that he exhibits now be non-existent? Would he feel safe? Would he even have the opportunity to grow up or would he have died prematurely as a result of not receiving adequate care? I can't imagine the sad state that child may have been in, if not for the mercy and love that two people from the United States showed to him...and most of all for the grace of God.

It's the same for me...were it not for the mercy and grace of God I would lack all joy. I would not feel safe. I would not have hope. I would die as a miserable soul. It's scary to think what my life would be like.

I've cried a river of tears in the last couple of weeks: my emotions have been all over the map, and at other times I have felt like a zombie just going through the motions. I've been uneasy, restless, anxious, upset, etc. Yet, when I turn my focus on God, it's amazing how much peace and strength I find. I've probably learned more about God's character in the last two weeks than I have in months. The amazing thing is, at other times - in my frenzied state of mind - I can feel God smiling at me and giving me random, undeserved hugs.

A Hurting World

I was thinking today about how many people in the world are hurting...we all have something we're dealing with or are feeling burdened about. I truly hope that as I seek the Lord, He will show me ways to help people around me who are hurting. I don't want to miss an opportunity to mutter a prayer between God and myself for the person in her car crying, the stressed cashier, a lonely friend, or a hurting soul. It's not comforting to know that there are people who are hurting more than me...and I know there are so many who are. I LONG to help however God will use me. And, ultimately, if I can help one person by walking this road (even if it's not someone going through the same thing I'm dealing with), if I can learn more about God's amazing characteristics (and I am!), if I can recognize the beauty in the "small" blessings (and I do!), and if I can allow God to shape me into someone who is more like Him (which He will if I allow it!), then I shouldn't wish this pain away.

I came across this quote last week and I love it:

"Faith in something greater than ourselves enables us to do what we have said we'll do, to press forward when we are tired or hurt or afraid, to keep going when the challenge seems overwhelming and the course is entirely uncertain." - Gordon B. Hinckley

That statement is so fitting for what Jared and I are facing right now. Though it hurts, we're going through it together and with God (who is giving us an abundance of strength), and for that we are truly blessed. :)

My Plan

Jared and I were discussing a plan that I have and he asked me what I was going to do about something.  The rest of the conversation went like this:

Me: I'm not sure, yet.  Right now this is all just a thought in my head. 

Jared:  Yeah, I know...that's what scares me.  

Haha...thanks for the vote of confidence, Baby! ;)

Developing Patience

I am not a patient person by nature. I am always the first person to hit the gas pedal when a light turns from red to green, I tap my foot and sometimes even sigh rather loudly when I'm in waiting in line, I always tell Jared he's too laid back, etc. I've also never really prayed for patience. I use to shudder at the very thought. I NEVER wanted my trials to be trials that would make me more patient because the wait would hurt too much in the process. And here I sit, having to learn first hand the importance of patience.

The other day - in the very beginning stages of a huge trial - I came across this definition of patience:

to handle pain or difficult times calmly and without complaining

That definition of patience makes total sense to me. Think about it: if you are dealing with a physical pain - for example a horrible headache - would you throw a literal fit? For anyone who has dealt with migraines, the answer would be an emphatic NO! If you kick and scream, the pain intensity is going to multiply ten times and you will lose every single bit of energy you had. Instead, you move cautiously, careful not to agitate your already aching head. Chances are you also don't walk around moaning and groaning...instead you take some medicine, find a place where you can escape from the noise and the chaos of the world, and just relax. Well, we should approach "difficult times" the same way. In this trial, I can kick, scream, have a hissy fit and complain about how unfair life is, but what good will it do? It will intensify my pain, make my problem seem larger than life itself, and cause me to become ineffective. Instead, I want to move cautiously through this trial...realizing that my actions and reactions need to be guided by my Heavenly Father. I want to allow God to be my "medicine" - my comforter, my strength and my hope. And though it's helpful to talk to other people about the pain at times, I don't want to become someone who is throwing myself a grand ol' pity party. My prayer is that through this trial I can allow God to shine through me more than ever.

So, yes, I've finally prayed for patience. I don't fear it, I need it.

I Need You Once Again - awesome song!!

Decisions must be made

and now I have a choice,

I need your wisdom, Lord

I need to hear your voice

I'm facing challenges

and the walls are closing in

I'm crying out to You,

my one true, faithful friend.

Hear my prayer, oh Lord,

I need You in my life

I cry to You, oh Lord
Please lead me to the light.

Show me the way, oh Lord

and cleanse me from my sin,

Jesus, I need You

I need You once again

Jesus, I need You

I need You once again

I know You are the one

that guides me day by day.

The answer's found in You,

your the truth, the life, the way.

When others seem to fail,

and trouble's all around

Lord, you're always standing there,

the one true hope I found.

Hear my prayer, oh Lord,
I need you in my life
I cry to you, oh Lord
Please lead me to the light.
Show me the way, oh Lord
and cleanse me from my sin,
Jesus, I need You
I need You once again
Jesus, I need You
I need You once again

I need You, beside me

I need You, to guide me

I need You, please hear me

I need You, be near me.

I need You, beside me

I need You, to guide me

I need You, please hear me

I need You, be near me!

Hear my prayer, oh Lord,
I need you in my life
I cry to you, oh Lord
Please lead me to the light.
Show me the way, oh Lord
and cleanse me from my sin,
Jesus, I need You
I need You once again
Jesus, I need You
I need You once again

Go Away, Jose!

I know a person who is never content...just for the fun of it, let's call the guy, "Jose." I don't know any Jose's so this is a safe name. :) Anyway, Jose is not necessarily a complainer, he's just so discontent in his life that he has to brag about anything and everything that he feels might make him sound important. I do mean EVERYTHING. I even know how much money he saved in car insurance by switching to Geico. I'm not kidding...I really know the actual dollar amount. I also know how much he is getting back in taxes, how much he paid for his house, his car, and the list goes on and on. And no, I'm not married to Jose or even related to him...the guy just lacks all discretion. Anyway, at times I want to shout, "Shut up, Jose!" but I know that's not the nice thing to do. Instead I either pretend I don't hear him, or pray for strength to refrain from rolling my eyes and just politely nod at whatever he says.

I have started feeling kind-of bad for Jose. Jared and I don't have as many material possessions as this guy, we haven't traveled as much of the world, and we certainly can't speak two languages (yep, Jose can) and yet we're happier. Jose is married to a very nice person and he's still not happy. I guess the lesson I've learned, and in fact am reminded of every single day that I'm around Jose, is that my contenment cannot be found in material things, it can't be found in relationships with my family and friends, and it can't even be found in my wonderful relationship with my husband. It is found in Christ. This world may see me as one person, but God totally sees me as His child. Psalm 16:5 says that God is our portion. How comforting to know that whatever needs I have for the day (even the patience to deal with Jose), God will give to me.

A Lesson from a 2-year-old

One of our pastor's grandsons was in the class I was helping with last night. The service was drawing to a close, so we turned on the TV in order to keep track of time and let the children hear the music. I couldn't help but notice the little boy watching his grandpa speak while the music played...yet never saying a word. He was obviously very intent on seeing someone else. Suddenly, the camera spanned to the choir and he saw the person he was looking for. As his eyes lit up, he yelled, "My daddy's singing! There's my daddy!" He was so interested in seeing his dad...nothing, including his grandpa, could distract him. I want to be that way with my Heavenly Father...so intent on hearing and seeing him that I don't let anything - not even the most appealing things - distract me.

**On a side note, life is great! I started helping in the preschool area last night at church! 18 2-year-olds and only 2 adults...eek! But it was a lot of fun, and went surprisingly smooth. The adults I met are wonderful and the children are adorable!

Nascar is now back in full gear, so Jared is keeping super busy. He works so hard and is so amazing. I thought it was so sweet yesterday. We are taking a membership class at church and while I was standing in line in the ladies bathroom (why is there NEVER a line in the men's bathrooms?), he went to the class to grab our seats. Not only did he get our seats, he also signed me in, picked up the worksheet I needed and wrote out my nametag. It completely touched me...he's such a caring man! It meant more to me than the money he spent on Valentine's Day...(though I am enjoying those presents, too!) :)

We hope all of you are doing well! Please keep Maria in your prayers. She is a fomer co-worker who is in her 20's and has been diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. She has recently started chemo and will be having treatments off and on for 6 months. Thanks, in advance, for the prayers for her!

Have a great week! :)

Carnations

I received a flower arrangement from a lady at work today who decided to bring all the women in our office flowers for Valentine's. It was such a sweet gesture and made my already happy Friday even happier. :) The arrangement has one rose, a couple other flowers and had one carnation. I HATE carnations. I am pretty sure that I have grown to hate carnations because my mom doesn't like them, and I don't think her mom liked them either. For all I know, this dislike for carnations may have plagued my family for generations. Why the disdain for carnations? They're used for funerals; they make us think of death...blech. Anyway, so as not to cause a scene by yanking the carnation out of the boquet and throwing it quickly into the trash, I left it where it was. Every time I looked at the flowers sitting on my desk, I couldn't help but see the wretched flower glaring at me...by the end of the day it seemed so much larger than all of the other flowers.

Just as I have grown to hate a flower because of my mom's dislike for them, I want to grow to hate all the sin in my life because God hates it. It's easy to hate some sins, but others I tend to justify as being small, perhaps even insignificant sins. These sins are just as big as the others, and God hates them all. They can often ruin my witness without me even realizing it.

I took the carnation out of the boquet when I got home tonight and now the arrangement is beautiful. My prayer is that, once I become more aware of the "small" sins in my life and begin to pluck them out, God's beauty and the light that is within my soul will shine brighter to those lost in this dark world.

Peace

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:6 & 7

Tonight I was going through some old church notes from a decade ago and came across this scripture.  It amazes me how I can read a scripture quite a few times, and even memorize it, and when I least expect it, something else is revealed in that scripture.  This is one of those scriptures that I always think about when I am going through a time of bereavement and have received a peace that I can't explain.  Tonight I realized though that this scripture can also be used in a time of waiting for God to answer a prayer.  (I know, it's probably the way most of you interpreted all along...not sure why I never have before!)  It's comforting to know that as Jared and I are waiting for God to answer a prayer of ours, that we can have peace, knowing that 1) we asked appropriately and 2.) regardless of why we're having to wait to get the answer, God is protecting our somewhat frustrated hearts and somewhat confused minds and all we have to do to receive peace is focus on Jesus.  Amazing how God's peace, which is so great that we can't even understand why we have it, can be so simple to receive.  

Fun Saturday, Lame Night...:)

Today Jared and I spent the whole day together. Well, at least after he got up around 10:30. :) Unlike me, Jared LOVES to sleep in on Saturdays. But that's OK...he works really hard and deserves it. Me, on the other hand, well, I just think life's too short to sleep in. Jared still loves me. :)

We had a wonderful day, though, as we had lunch in Charlotte, went and saw "Bride Wars" (more for me than Jared...hehe), went to the mall and Lowe's and got ice cream before coming home just in time to watch the Hokies lose to Boston College (bummer...more for Jared than me). So, now, we're probably going to go to bed soon since we get up early to get a seat for the 8:30 service at our AMAZING church.

Until next time...enjoy the Super Bowl!

Ciao!

(This blog was dictated by Jared and typed by Jennifer)...haha. :) And yes, we need to find more productive ways to spend our time on a Saturday night than creating a lame blog post. ;)

Mr. Wonderful's Birthday!!! :)

Today is my amazing husband's birthday! He is truly the most incredible, caring, genuine, wonderful man I know! I could write a book about how sweet he is, but I have to finish getting ready for work....if I lost my job I guess it wouldn't be such a great birthday for him. :)

I love you so much, Jared! I am so blessed to have you in my life!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!! :)

Happy Friday to everyone! :)

Random Post from the Turner Duo

Greetings all our blogstalkers far and wide. :)

It's Friday night at 11:09 p.m. and we are completely ready to go to sleep. Can you say, "OLD?!?!"

That's pretty much all we have to say...we have lots more we could blog about, but we're not really sure how to make it sound clever and creative. :)

Have a great weekend! :)

Happy New Year!

Wow...I cannot believe it is 2009 already! Jared and I had a truly blessed 2008. We saw God work in ways that were far better than what we could have ever planned out on our own. Yesterday we were discussing how very different we brought in the new year last year verses this year. Last year, Jared was working on the copy desk in Roanoke and I was sitting in a hotel room waiting for him to get finished...this year, we got to ring in the year at our amazing church in Charlotte! :)

We are excited to see what God has in store for us in 2009. This year, more than ever, we desire to be used by God in any capacity He so chooses. Our prayer is that in everything we say and do, people will see Christ in us. I found this quote by Beth Moore today that I thought was quite inspiring: "If we are to have any level of authenticity in our world, we must be filled with God-given character. Often the reason others aren't buying what we have to say is that they are unconvinced, based on our huge inconsistencies, that we have bought it ourselves." Everything that is happening in our world shows how desperate people are for fulfillment. Now is the time for all Christians to proclaim with boldness (and yet in a friendly, non-pushy way) that the only fulfillment to be found is in Christ. This is our prayer for 2009.

God bless all of you and we pray that 2009 be the best year you've had yet. :)