Date Night and Other Ramblings

Last night we had a date night!  A "real" date night (where we actually go out) only happens once every couple of months or so, so this was a treat.  A very special treat because we didn't have to pay $10.00/hour for a babysitter...our church provided the babysitting for 2.5 hours.  They did it right too...provided pizza for the older kids and Chick-Fil-A for the younger kids (which Addi and Brogan were THRILLED about).  All the volunteers were so sweet, the kids had a great time and I tear up now thinking about what a blessing our church is to us and to so many others.

It was so funny when we got home though because it was late...like 9:30 late and Brogan decided that was the time to tell me all about his night.  I learned that he had chicken nuggets, but not french fries.  He watched Veggie Tales while he ate his nuggets.  He played a lot.  His "teacher" was a new teacher (not his regular Sunday teacher) and she made monkey faces which Brogan thought was so silly. He didn't even "cry a little."  (Sometimes he cries for like 5 seconds when we drop him off.)  He spun around the room while singing, "Oh, Happy Day."  (I'm sure the volunteers LOVED that.) :)  While listening to him, I thought about how much he is growing.  The whole time he was talking, he would laugh about everything he did.  It was so cute.  I just LOVE having conversations with my little man.  Oh, and he teacher also said that he had an internal alarm clock and every 30 minutes he would ask about me and say, "I miss my mommy."  So sweet!!

In comparison, Addi (who usually talks WAY more than Brogan) said she played and had fun.  She had chicken nuggets, chips and water.  She laid on the floor in the bathroom because she was tired.  I am REALLY hoping that last part was not true because that's just gross and weird. ;)  That was all she said about the whole thing.  When we picked her up the only other little girl in the class (there were like 6 or 7 boys so they were outnumbered) cried when it was time for Addi to leave. It was sad, but sweet too.  Addi is loved by everyone she comes in contact with. :)

Anyway, I know that all of the above is probably boring to read, but I want to remember it. :)

In other news (probably just as boring to you all)...

1.  We put our tree up on Sunday night after the kids went to bed. Brogan promptly knocked it down by 10:00 am Monday.  We no longer have any ornaments on the bottom half of the tree. That is also attributed to Brogan.  Oh, and we had this super cute little turtle ornament that we purchased at the beach the year we had our first family vacation.  He had these dangling little legs.  Brogan decided it would be fun to break the legs off, which I discovered after I sucked up the legs with the vacuum cleaner.  My son is ALL boy for sure.

2.  We bought a new plastic nativity set for the kids to play with and gave it to them on Monday.  Brogan had a vendetta against Joseph and kept throwing him. I had to threaten to remove Joseph from the scene. Now, baby Jesus is missing.  Nowhere to be found.  Had the same issue last year.  Don't know why our family keeps losing the Son of God, but Jared keeps saying, "We're the only family in America who has a nativity set without a baby Jesus."

3.  Jared has to work today, but has the next THREE Saturdays off.  That is HUGE!  We are thankful!  I have already started making plans for each Saturday.  Poor guy. ;)

There's more news, but I've hit a writing block and can't think of anything else. So, have a great weekend!! :)

Floating to Independence

Dear Addi,

Yesterday was a big day…your first time riding in a parade!  You rode with several students who take ballet lessons with your teacher, Mrs. Beth.  You LOVED being on the float and were so excited.  You thought that everyone had come to the parade to see you and you made sure not to disappoint “your” adoring fans. ;)  You waved and smiled and wanted to get up and dance (while the float was moving).   You loved being able to see the animals especially and wanted to stand by the electric snowmen on the float. 

 Life is so much fun with you.  Your enthusiasm for life is contagious! I heard so many people talk about how cute and sweet you were yesterday.  You are beautiful on the outside…absolutely adorable, but that’s not why you people notice you. They notice how beautiful you are on the inside, and it radiates all over you…you exude energy and passion for life.  You are sweet, caring, happy, loving and silly.  You are incredible!

I can’t believe that in just over 3 months you will be four-years-old!  While we were on the float, you didn’t want to sit on my lap.  You wanted to be independent.  I wanted to hold you, but I knew that you were just spreading you wings a little more.  I get that.  I want you to do that.  It stung for a second, but then I saw the joy that you had by being able to exercise just a little more independence and it was so worth it.  Even so, I was so grateful that you wanted to cuddle with me later last night when we got home.

So, spread your wings, baby girl.  Spread them as far and as wide as you must.  Your daddy and I will always be cheering you on and always watching in admiration.  And, when you are ready, we will be standing with open arms to give you hugs, encouragement, love and comfort. 

We love you and are so proud of you!  

Love, 

Mommy

Throughout the week, I will think of things that I want to write on this blog, but when I actually take the time to do it, I have nothing.  I'm pretty sure tonight's lack of topics to write about is attributed to being tired because it's almost 10:00 pm.

We are enjoying November.  Loving that we are connecting with some new friends down the street (a little girl who is 4 and her brother who is 3).  That works out great for Addi and Brogan. :)  Addi loves having a little friend so close to home, but we've had to watch her because she tries to run to her house sometimes (there are only two houses between ours). Which is one of the reasons we had to put a lock on the very top of the front door.

The Virginia Thanksgiving countdown is in full force and the kids are getting so excited to see all of our family.  I love that they love our family so much.  It's tough because when we say goodbye the kids (especially Addi) now comprehend that saying goodbye means we are driving home "far, far away."  Breaks my heart to see her get so upset.  It's tough on me too, so I get it.

 Ballet is still going great!  It was cancelled this week and I'm not going to lie, I was sort-of glad.  I am really enjoying spending time with my sweet boy during Addi's class.  It's great one on one time. :)  I can't watch Addi because when I do, she shows herself.  When I don't, she listens so well.  Crazy girl. ;)

Guess that's all I have because Jared and I are going to watch My Hope America with Billy Graham now.

Blessings to all of you for a great weekend!

Amazing Sermon. Amazing Testimony.

I don't know if any of you heard about the Lusko family in Montana losing their beautiful daughter due to an asthma attack five days before Christmas last year (she was only 5).  My heart ached for this family when Jared told me about it at that time.  It still does because I cannot even allow myself to go down the road of thinking about losing one of our children.  I can't imagine the deep, fierce, harsh pain that they must face every single day.  Even so, they are remaining faithful and have an amazing testimony.  Levi Lusko is a pastor and he recently visited a church in Charlotte (not our church).  I encourage you to listen to it.  Yes, there are few details about his daughter's death that he includes, but that is not why I want you to listen.  I want you to hear his message about faith, hope and coping in life no matter what you are facing.  This is one of the most amazing sermons I think I've ever heard.  Please, if you can, take the time to watch it.  You will not be sorry. 

http://elevationchurch.org/sermons/turn-off-the-dark?autoplay=sermon

Brogan Sings

Brogan is such a sweet boy.  He loves, loves, LOVES to sing.  He sings ALL the time.  Usually it's contemporary Christian songs and church songs that he listens to our choir sing at night with daddy.  It's their ritual.  They listen to multiple songs on Youtube before he goes to bed.  Addi listens too...just usually she's dancing. ;)  Recently he has started acting more like a praise and worship leader.  Before he sings, he'll say, "We're going to sing...."  and he'll also tell people after the song to "Clap your hands, everybody."  He will say, "We love you, Lord!"  and "Hallelujah!"  Cutest.thing.ever.  At times, I can't help but wonder if he realizes Who he is singing to.  Based on the way he acts, I think he can...in his own special way.  Do I think he's saved?  Of course not...he's two.  True story:  He walks around singing so much that sometimes I wonder if he's OK and wish that he will play with toys.  Other times, I get worried if my little guy isn't singing.  Truth is, I wouldn't trade the crazy, loud (VERY loud) singing going on in our house for anything.  It fits us and the amazing chaos that is our lives and we never have to turn on the radio. ;)  My prayer is that one day he will come to know Christ on a personal level.  When he does, I pray that he is still singing, because if he has this much passion now, how much more will he have when he starts to comprehend the greatness of God?

Brogan - Keep singing, my sweet boy.  Mommy will always cheer you on!

Oh, and Brogan's absolutely favorite songs to sing right now include these songs from our church choir and he knows every single word to every song (as well as a few others).  I especially think it's cute that our two year old sings, "I was cold and lonely.  I had no peace in my soul.  Had no one to turn to, had no place to go.  I was ashamed of the way I was living.  I couldn't find my way out.  Then Jesus came, praise His name, He taught me what life was all about."  Just super cute that he would sing about how he was "ashamed of the way he was living."  So many regrets in his two short years. ;)  Oh, and it ALWAYS blesses my heart to hear him sing "Come thou fount."  That is probably one of my favorite songs of all times. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gSLto5gCPbo

*As I finished typing this, he started kicking and hitting his sister for no reason. So, no, I don't think he's a saint.  :)

Sweet Statement from Addi

"I'm glad that Jesus gave us you for a mommy."  My heart almost burst inside my chest.  I'm glad too, baby girl...so glad.

Ballet Class Update

We have been to four ballet classes now.  Addi did amazingly well for the first three classes.  Things sort of fell apart at yesterday's class though.  OK, they didn't really fall apart, but Addi was NOT in the mood to listen.  She listened some, but not nearly as well as she had been.  She was twirling when she was supposed to be standing still, turning around when she was supposed to be facing the teacher, etc.  She was just not into it that much.  Of course, the entire class had an off day.  One child (who  has been in classes for two years) decided she wanted to sit in a corner the entire class.  The others were just rambunctious and not really listening.  It wasn't just Addi, but I was mortified anyway.  I made her tell her teacher she would listen next time.  She did tell her that but when we got into the car she about broke my heart..."Mommy, it's tough being in ballet class and learning difficult things."  I was ready to pull her out of the class for good.  I want to shield her from the difficulties and instead Jared and I are paying for her to have them.  I almost cried, but I stopped myself and just told her, "Addi, I know that it is tough to try to learn new things.  That's why you practice though.  So you can master the new things.  You will get it soon.  You just can't give up."  She listened halfheartedly while looking at the car window and mentioned a couple more times throughout the afternoon that ballet class was hard.  I told Jared when he got home and told him that maybe we should take her out of class.  He talked to her about class and she never mentioned anything about it being difficult.  She told him she had fun.  He also told me that we can't pull her out of something just because she said it's hard because that's not teaching her to persevere. He is right and I know that.  

This morning, after I had to correct her for something, she started sulking and told me that ballet class was hard.  Then it hit me...she was playing her mommy...and playing me well.  I asked her why she said it was hard and (with some prompting from me) she finally admitted that she didn't like having to tell her teacher that she was sorry for not listening.  So there you have it.  I was stressing over her little heart hurting because ballet was tough when in reality she was just annoyed about having to say she was sorry.  I have no idea how we are going to get through the teenage years with this one.  She is already too smart for her (and mine) own good.  

Addi's First Ballet Class

It was a day we had both been waiting for and when I awoke yesterday morning to Addi laying right beside me, I took a second to hold her close before whispering, "Addi, do you know what today is?"  She whispered back, "Mommy, I become a ballerina today!"  It took exactly 2.2 seconds after that declaration for her to roll out of the bed and start jumping up and down.  About every 5-10 minutes throughout the morning she would ask me, "Is it 1:00 yet?  When are we leaving?"  

Preparing for her class was chaotic, but fun (chaotic because I lost my cell phone and spent too much time looking for it and was rushed trying to prepare an early lunch and get Brogan down for an early nap so that we could leave at 12:30ish).  Addi wanted "princess" hair.  This is when I blow dry it and "make it longer."  It does actually make it a little longer because if we don't blow dry it it curls up even more than it does when we do.  I had tears in my eyes as I started putting on her ballerina outfit.  My little girl looks sweet in any color, but she is so precious in pink and she was absolutely glowing.  As soon as the entire outfit was on, she beamed and started doing ballet moves.  She was so proud!

I was a little nervous about how she would do in this first class. Addi is a social butterfly, but is also a bit reserved until she is comfortable.  When we walked into the class, she walked right up to the teacher and gave her a sweet hello.  No hesitation whatsoever.  She knew she was there to do and she was so confident.  I slipped her into her little ballerina slippers and she was eager to show them off.  :)  She was told to find a number to sit on and she did.  The music started and the teacher began to give directions....and the tears started to flow.  Not from my beautiful, ballerina princess...but from  me, whose breath was taken away when I saw how well she was listening and trying every.single.move.  My heart was captured (once again) when a couple minutes into the class she turned around and said, "Mommy, look!  I'm a ballerina!" She studied the teacher, studied the other girls (most of who are a year older, were in this class last year, and in her eyes are probably so much wiser) and she was keeping up with them.  Sure she was wobbly (as were they all) and got distracted every few minutes because she was looking back to me and blowing kisses (heart melting!) or flashing me her million dollar smile, but in my eyes, she was amazing.  She was determined, but not stressed out when she made a mistake. She was serious, yet she let herself have fun.  She was happy, so incredibly excited.  She was fulfilling a dream of hers and she rocked it.  During the tap dance portion, she initially fell a few times because the floor was slippery.  The first time she looked at me and said, "I'm OK, Mommy!" and she got right back up. After that, with each fall it was like she learned how to be a little more careful, and by the end of the very brief tap portion (five minutes because of the floor), she was not falling anymore.

After class, she ran to me and said, "Mommy, I want to come back next time!"  So we will. :)  We both learned a lot yesterday.  I learned that my girl knows what she wants and knows how to go after it.  I learned that God has blessed my little girl with an incredible confidence that Jared and I are working hard to nurture and grow.  I learned that she listens really well to other people (now to work on listening to us a bit more). ;) I learned that even though she was the smallest in her class (and one of the youngest), she didn't let that intimidate her for even a second.  I learned that it only takes me one time of me telling her that she was awesome before it is implanted on her heart and she tells others about how awesome she is. :)  And Addi...she learned a little bit of ballet, a little bit of tap, and a lot of patience with herself.  She learned that practice is important.  She learned that even when she is by herself and pursuing her goals, she will always have a cheering section. She knows her biggest cheerleader is God, who will always be with her, who will never fail her, and who graciously provided the means for this class. In this class, it was Mommy and Brogan (who by the way kept saying, "Addi is doing a good job!"). From a small distance it was Daddy (while at work).  From afar, it was her extended family.  All of us excited for her...all of us proud of her...all of us hoping for the best...and all of us so blessed and so thankful to have her in our lives. 

Sidenote:  Brogan was so well-behaved while we were there! He sat on my lap and watched his sister the entire time.  He was cheering her on (quietly, thankfully). ;)  After class, Addi's teacher told me that she was amazed at how well he did while waiting.  She said she had never seen a child that young do so well and gave him a sucker. ;)  He did awesome and not because I had to coax him...I never once had to tell him to behave.  He just did it on his own.  He, too, is growing up and showing us his character and it is incredible.  Jared and I are so proud of him!  *Oh, and his moment is coming...he LOVES music more than any child I have ever met and gets to start music classes on Sept. 10th.*

***Oh, and Addi sleeping with us...yeah, that's another story for another time. ;)

Life is full of so many blessings!

Current Favorites:

1.  Addi telling us that we gave her the best surprise ever when we took her to a park that had a carousel, petting zoo (very, very small petting zoo), train ride, playground, splash pad, aquarium (very, very small aquarium) and a lake where she was able to feed ducks.  Brogan had fun, too...but Addi was OVER THE MOON thrilled.

2.  Addi's excitement when she put on tap shoes for the very first time and heard the noise they make.  She starts ballet/tap lessons this week and is very happy that she is going to be a ballerina.

3.  Brogan's ability to transition to his "big boy bed" almost flawlessly.  So super proud of him and he is very proud too!  Every morning he tells me, "I love my big boy bed!"

4. Brogan's class at church didn't have a teacher today and he sat in the service with us and did AMAZINGLY well...then he fell asleep on me and this mama's heart melted.  Two year olds don't fall asleep on their mama's often and I cherished the moment. :)

5.  The kids compassion towards each other.  Which is so much nicer to observe than when they fight.  They are two peas in a pod though and always make up quickly. 

6.  Jared's schedule will soon be slowing down.  We caught a glimpse of that today when we were able to spend time together as a family (see #1).  We were all relaxed (minus the meltdown from Brogan on the way there and the meltdown from Addi on the way back).  It was great!  I love having extra time with the man I love!!

7.  Addi calls sunscreen "sunscream" (LOVE!)...Brogan will say, "Ladies and gentlemitt, boys and grills" (LOVE too!)  Of course, I almost always give them the correct pronunciation, but I sure do think it's cute when they say those things.

8.  Phone calls with my sister.  The other day (after I only had 20 minutes of sleep for the entire night...thank you, Addi and Brogan) she listened to me vent and was very encouraging.  We talk every morning during the week and at other times too and it is so nice and I am so grateful. :)

9.  Hummus.  Don't ask.  I'm addicted these days.  It is seriously disturbing.

10.  Knowing God understands me and knows exactly what I need when I don't understand myself.  He is so good!!

More recent favorites...

1.  Addi is finally starting to sleep better.  I think the angels are even singing on this one. ;)  Her sleep schedule is not great, but we're making strides.  We even had TWO nights in a row that she slept the entire night.  Last night was not so great, but it was definitely better than it could have been.  It was enough sleep that we were able to go to church today.  That made all of us happy!

I have more, but I think I'm just going to let this one sink in awhile.  :) Well, that and my creative juices just are not flowing anymore.  When I sit down to write, I almost put myself to sleep. 

My three-year-old will not sleep

There have really only been a handful of times that I have felt so completely helpless as a parent that all I can do is cry out to God and pray that He moves swiftly.  I'm not talking about the frustration that comes because of too many tantrums, disobedience or dealing with the normal behaviors that come from parenting.  I am talking about the helplessness that comes from times like when your child was just diagnosed with MRSA and you have to immediately drop everything and get her to the hospital. 

What we are dealing with right now is not a diagnosis of a health issue.  We are dealing with a three year, five month old little girl who cannot sleep.  This is not the normal, "The baby was up most of the night" or "She won't take a nap" type of thing.  This is a child who, for the most part, has always been a great sleeper.  Her sleep issues began right after Jared and I returned from our little getaway the first week of July.  Initially, we thought she was just a little unsettled because we had been away.  As it continued, we realized we were dealing with a bigger issue.

Her doctor has assured me that this is a phase.  I have researched that a lot of three-year-olds go through this, however, after being up almost the entire night (for the 2nd time in  4 nights), I must say that I am confused and scared.  Why won't she sleep?  What are we doing wrong?? 

Facts:

1.  She only drinks water and the occasional glass of milk (milk about once a week). No tea, no soda, and no juice. 

2.  She is an active child and is constantly on the go.  She does not lead a sedentary lifestyle.

3.  Sugar consumption is kept to a minimum. 

4.  She seems happy and content during the day.

5.  She has a nightly routine that we always stick to and we put her to bed at the same time (most nights).

6.  She has slept in her own bed on a regular basis since before she was a year old.

7.  We always let her sleep with the light on in her closet.

All of these things tell me that she should be able to sleep, but she can't.  It breaks my heart because I know she needs her sleep and I feel like I am failing her by not being able to figure out how to best achieve that.

We have tried EVERYTHING that we can possibly think of to get her to sleep.  Encouragement, prayers, extra hugs and kisses, laying with her, singing to her, bribery, punishment, constantly putting her back to bed and not engaging in any conversations (the other night I did this 42 times before she finally stayed in her bed), leaving extra lights on, leaving her door open while she falls asleep, etc.  In my exhaustion, I have said some things to her that I'm not proud of....nothing major, but probably to her have sounded pretty mean.  That certainly hasn't helped, I'm sure.

Tonight...she FINALLY fell asleep at midnight (with her door open. closet light and light in the hallway on).  She slept for less than two hours and did not go back to sleep until after 5:00 this morning. Unfortunately, I probably slept for about an hour during that time because it took awhile for me to get to sleep after spending four hours dealing with trying to get her to sleep. I have not slept since she went back to sleep because I am worried about her and have a long list of questions running through my mind.  I'm afraid that she is going to get sick if she doesn't start sleeping.  I am wondering if she is dealing with something internally that I'm not aware of yet.  Does she just not feel secure in her house anymore?  Am I doing something wrong during the day?  Do we need to change her bedtime routine?  Does she not like her room?  Does she not feel safe?  Does she just reach a point of exhaustion that makes it difficult for her to go sleep?  Should she nap more; nap less?  The questions won't stop.

Anyway...I don't even know what the point of blogging about this issue is.  Maybe it's because I'm at my wits end and don't know what else to do.  Maybe it's because I want to remember this in the future so that if I deal with Brogan doing the same thing at her age, I can read this and tell myself this is perfectly normal.  Maybe it's because I'm hoping someone will read this and have a "been there, done that" story to share with me.  Maybe it's because I want advice.  Maybe it's because I need prayer.  Maybe it's because it is 6:30 am and I have not had a decent night's sleep.  Who knows. 

If you do think about it, please do pray for her.  I want my baby girl to be able to rest...and, yes, I want to be able to rest as well.

Recent Loves

Recent loves....

1.  Brogan's laughter when I make him "big and tall like mommy."  Which is standing him up on his crib and asking him, "What's up?"  His response is always the same...."The sky!" followed by lots and lots of giggles. :)

2.  The times Addi actually decides to sleep.  Which is rare these days. She was so tired yesterday that she fell asleep on the floor at 5:30 pm.  Yet, when we put her to bed for the night or even a nap now, she REFUSES to sleep.

3.  The ability (by the grace of God) to bite my tongue and keep my mouth shut when a certain someone felt the need to give us unsolicited advice as to why she thinks our daughter doesn't want to go to sleep. :)  For the record, those of you who read this blog are free to give advice if you like.  :)

4.  Sweet encouragement from a lady at church.  A lady who doesn't read my blog and yet felt compelled to share with me and encourage me today.  It was not a coincidence...it was a God "thing."

5.  Our church.  It is amazing.  We had great fellowship with some people on Thursday night and we just love going to our services.  We are so blessed!

6.  When Jared comes through the door each day after work.  It's like a circus event...seriously the kids and I get so excited!  Jared does too. ;)

7.  Sunny days...just because they never get old.  :)

8.  Addi sharing with her brother.  It is super sweet.  They both get fruit snacks from their teachers after church on Sunday mornings.  This is the only time they get fruit snacks so they LOVE that treat.  Brogan's class didn't get any today. I told Addi.  She said, "It's OK.  I will share with him."    We didn't even have to ask...she just volunteered. She gave him two pieces.  He asked for more.  She gave him one more.  Considering there are only like 8 - 10 in the bag, I thought that was quite generous of her.  Brogan was happy with her generosity and Jared and I were so proud of her! :)

9.  The rough days...it makes me even more thankful for the better days.

10.  Jesus.  I am so thankful for Him every day.  He puts up with so much from me and loves me just the same.  I can't comprehend how He does this and yet, He does.  So grateful!!

Too Much Pressure

I am on the brink of hyperventilating, so I thought I'd write a quick post instead. (I am positive I have already posted at least one other post like this in the past...so feel free to skip.) I have such a love / hate relationship with Pinterest, parenting blogs and Facebook. I try to stay off Pinterest most days, but after another rainy day, I succumbed to looking at it a little too long today. I have read so many great and creative ideas of activities to do with Addi and Brogan and some of the ideas have been a huge hit!  However, I ALWAYS end up feeling like a horrible mother because I feel I am not doing enough with my children.  I am not teaching enough, playing enough, singing enough, reading enough...blah, blah, blah.  Then I start to wonder if they are behind in their education and think that I have missed out on valuable opportunities to teach them life lessons in a way that will stick with them forever.  Sometimes I feel guilty that I removed them from daycare because they had more interaction with other kids when they weren't with me and maybe they would have learned more there than with me. Part-time wasn't even an option at their daycare and I desperately wanted to be home with them. I love that I am at home with them and yet I live under constant condemnation (from myself...not anyone else). So, here I am...once again in tears feeling like I'm not enough for these precious children that God entrusted in our care.  It's a tough battle...one I didn't realize was even potentially possible before I had kids.  Pre-kiddos, I was certain I would rock mommyhood.  I knew I would love my kids with all my heart and I do.  I also knew that I would care for and nurture them and I do.  I didn't realize that I would CONSTANTLY feel like I was screwing it all up.  My kids seem well-adjusted and happy.  They are learning.  They are loving to people.  It rips my heart out though if I think for a second that they are bored because I start to feel like they would be better off in someone else's care (during the day, not all the time).  I do know that boredom every now and then fosters creativity, but still I feel like I should be able to be a creative mommy every single day (multiple times a day), I should constantly have the household tasks completely under control, I should have playdates lined up multiple times a week and we should have designated school times every week day, etc.  Reality is though...while we are on a routine, sometimes we aren't. Sometimes we skip everything and just play, snuggle, read and goof-off the entire day.  Some days we don't even sing the alphabet and only count to ten because we do that when we play hide and seek.  Sometimes we watch multiple episodes of Barney because I just don't know what else to do, I need to focus on cooking / cleaning, or I just don't *feel* like playing / reading because I have been up for multiple nights in a row with a child (right now it is Addi...every.single.night...multiple times a night).  I know some of you may read those confessions and will agree that I'm screwing it up.  However, it's reality.  I just keep reminding myself...my babies, they know without a shadow of a doubt that mommy and daddy love them.  They know that at any moment of the day (when I am with them) they can run up to me and ask for a hug or a kiss and I will stop everything to grant their request.  They know that we think they are amazing, smart and funny.  They both know they are gifts from God.  They know they are royalty, too. ;)  They are at peace in our house.  Creativity and learning might be at a minimum on some days, but "I love you's" are said at least once every hour.  If I can just dwell on the positives and try not to focus on what I might be doing wrong, I think I will be OK.  At least for now...another moment of panic diverted by just typing this completely jumbled up  and unedited post.  If you read this far, you should seriously receive a reward.  So...I will gift you a token. In our house, when you receive 7 tokens you get a special surprise.  Works for the kiddos. ;)

A Letter to Brogan (Better late than never!)

*I originally started to write this on 6/27 (a month after Brogan turned 2...it is now 7/21 and I am finally finishing it. Oops.)

Dear Brogan,

This is a month late.  Today you are two years old and one month.  I can't believe how fast time is going by and it seriously makes me want to cry. It is so tough to watch you grow and yet so amazing at the same time.  You are supposed to be growing, I just wish it wasn't happening so fast.  Truth is, that is  probably why you still get to sleep with your pacifier.  Admittedly, since you will probably be our last baby, it's even a bit tougher than it was/is watching your sister grow at times.  But grow you must, and you are so good at it.

You have an amazing personality.  You love to say, "hi," "hello there," and "hey" to everyone you see. You also let people know if they look scary...seriously, you will say, "You scare me, man!" to anyone you think looks a little different. This is slightly embarrassing (actually a lot embarrassing), but we know that with everything else, you will soon grow out of doing this.  At least we hope and pray that you do. ;)  

You are laid back and yet, you are also not laid back.  Most of the time you are pretty easy to please, but when you decide you want to be doing something different,  you let us know....loudly.  You are also NOT laid back at bed time.  You typically go to sleep OK, but you scream and cry at all sorts of random times during the night.  Mommy is exhausted, by the way, so if you could stop doing this, that would be amazing! (This actually has changed since I started writing this letter almost a month ago...so, great job, little buddy!  Mommy and Daddy are so proud of you!!!)

You were born big (8 lbs, 13 oz and 22.5 inches long), but at two years of age, you are actually a little small for your size.  Much to my surprise, all of your twelve month shorts and most shirts that you wore last summer still fit. You are wearing some 18 month shirts and jon-jon's (due to lenghth), but most 18 month shorts are too big. You do not let your size stop you.  You enter most rooms with confidence and you love to strut around like you are so grown.  :)

You are mischievous and curious...just as a little boy should be. :)  I think it's adorable and exhausting.  You love to climb onto EVERYTHING. You love to hide and will not answer me when I am screaming calling for you multiple times.  However, when we play a "real" game of hide-and-seek, you get so excited when someone starts looking for you that you squeal and jump out yelling, "Here I am!" You also love to get into my make-up.  Mascara is your favorite, followed closely by lipstick.  We are working on that. ;)

You are not an easy guy to discipline.  First of all, you are cute and you know how to pull at our heartstrings.  The "mommy glare" that most moms are able to give their children, doesn't work on you  You laugh when I do it and make a face back at me.  Time-out doesn't phase you.  Sometimes, you will even ask to go to time-out.  You are going to make sure that your daddy and I come up with clever ways to discipline throughout the years.  Go easy on us...we're learning just as you are.

You LOVE your routines.  You help keep us all in line.  You know that we brush teeth, change your diaper and say our good night prayers in that order.  If we try to switch it up on you, you tell us.  You refuse to eat before we pray.  Your sister does, too.  It's a very good habit to be in.  ALWAYS make thanking God a priority.

Your favorite thing to do in all the world right now is to sing, play your guitar or shake your "happy clap."  You know the lyrics to countless songs...not just children songs, but a lot of Christian songs, too.  There are certain songs that you absolutely have to have your toy guitar to play and others that you have to have  your "job" (microphone) in order to sing.  The other day, we were at the fire station and you even used the step on the fire truck as a piano. ;)  It's adorable and we just love to hear you sing. :)

You love your sister.  She is your best friend.  You will do anything that she does.  You two make each other laugh all the time.  You guys also fight, but within seconds, you both forget about it.  I love that about you two. :) My prayer is that you will always stay best friends.

You are loving and funny.  You are feisty and clever.  You are smart and confident.  You are amazing and perfect just the way you are.

We love you so much!

Love,
Mommy

Life Lately

For the past 3 and a half years, Jared has been blessed to be able to work from home.  That all changed this week.  He now works in an office outside the home.  While he was almost always super busy when he was working at home, we still were able to pop our heads in every now and then to tell him we love him.  We can't do that anymore and the kids and I have had a bit of a hard time adjusting.  Both kids will tell me multiple times a day that they miss their daddy.  It kind-of breaks my heart, but it also thrills my soul to know that they love their daddy so much.  (Side note:  Jared and I are so incredibly grateful for the opportunity that he was offered that has caused him to work outside the home. God is good!)

A prayer request:  Please pray for Jared.  He is so incredibly busy right now between what he is now doing plus freelancing commitments he already made prior to this new opportunity.  He is working almost non-stop while he is awake.  He is tired.  We know this is temporary.  We know we are blessed.  Even so, he needs prayer, please.

Things I love recently:

1.  Splash pads.  They are so nice on super hot days (which is every single day).  I adore how Brogan will say, "There is so many waters!"  :)  

2.  Sunshine.  We've had more this week than last and we are so happy!

3.  Playdates.  The kids enjoy time with other kids.  I enjoy time with other adults.  Win-win.

4.  Addi's questions.  :)  She is quite inquisitive these days and comes up with some really funny questions.  The other day she said, "Hey, does Aunt Brandy like ants?"  In her mind since we pronounce it "ant" (thank-you west coast raising) she assumes Aunt Brandy must like ants.  

5.  Addi's definition of a miracle.  I asked her what a miracle is and she said, "It's when God blesses us."  LOVE!!!

6.  Brogan screaming out for me at 2:00 am just because he wanted me to sing, "Hush Little Baby."  A month ago, I would NOT have loved that because he was waking up every.single.night.  The other morning was the first time in quite a few nights that he woke up and that was his only request.  I happily obliged and secretly wished that my little boy would stop growing so fast. On the other hand, Addi is waking up multiple times a night.  Her doctor said this is normal behavior for a three-year-old.  Due to their active imaginations at this age, they start to be more fearful at night, have vivid dreams, etc.  WONDERFUL (ha!).

7.  Decluttering and organizing.  I am sort-of obsessed with it at the present moment.  :)

8.  Addi explaining to Brogan that it is not called, "Pinka Butter, but PEANUT Butter."  Brogan proceeded to pronounce it correctly and then changed his mind and mispronounced it again. ;)

9/.  The fact that I actually have a blog post so soon after my last one.  Progress.  :)

Some of my favorites recently...

1.  When the sun shines. In the last month or so, sunlight has been a rarity.  When it does shine, the kids and I do a happy sun dance of sorts.  :)

2.  Brogan telling Addi to "calm down."  ;)  It is so cute.  However, these days, he needs to calm down more times a day than she does.  He is two.  He is really good at being two right now.

3.  Christmas in July movies on Hallmark channel.  Need I say more? :)

4.  Sneaking healthy ingredients into dinner without Jared or the kiddos knowing.  They will all eat their vegetables (Brogan is WAY better at this than Jared and Addi), but I am having a blast adding extra nutritious ingredients to some of our favorites.  Makes my heart happy to watch them gobble up the food, too. :)

5.  My husband's ability to drive under pressure.  Since it has been raining a lot, I have been even bossier when it comes to telling him how to drive.  He takes it with a grain of salt and is still able to focus on driving.  Usually he is very gracious about my "suggestions" though he has started to say, "Thanks, Coach" when I offer some advice.  I don't think that's a compliment. ;)

6.  Cow Appreciation Day at Chick-Fil-A.  All of us dressed like cows (used materials we had on hand and got about $20.00 of free food...score!).  Addi thought it was wonderful to dress up.  Brogan was really excited about eating. ;)  I got teary-eyed while eating our dinner.  I looked around at other families in their cow costumes, my babies sweet faces and my husband (who was an awesome sport) and it hit me once again how blessed I am to have such an amazing family.  Silly that I cried?  Maybe, but anyone who has longed to be a mother and thought at one point that it might not happen, will totally understand.

Have a blessed week!

Words Matter

Addi recently went through a phase where she was asking Jared and me quite a bit if we liked her.  We are not sure where she got this question from because we have NEVER said we like or don't like people to her and we always tell her we love her (multiple times a day).  We would reassure her each time she asked that we did like her and she would be satisfied.  After Brogan's birthday party (June 1st), she asked us if several of her relatives liked her.  I told her (and Jared agreed with me) that everyone likes her because she is sweet, kind, funny, loving, etc and that as long as she always acts like the wonderful Addi God made her to be and is herself that people will like her.  We didn't get too in depth in the conversation because she is three and she doesn't need to know that there will be people throughout her life who just won't like her for who knows what reason, etc.  Anyway, we went on our way and I did notice that after our conversation she asked us less often if we liked her.

Fast forward to last night...3 weeks later.  We were eating dinner and she asked me if I liked her.  I told her of course I liked her and she said, "After Brogan's birthday party I asked if you liked me and you said that everyone likes me because I'm Addi."  Jared and I were floored that what was a simple, brief conversation had obviously stuck with her the past three months.  It was such a great reminder that the words we speak to our children - even at very young ages - matter so much (It was a great reminder because it was a positive conversation she remembered). My children are taking my words to heart and are remembering them weeks later.  What an awesome experience and yet it's scary at the same time.  I know that there have been and will be times that I fail...that I say words that don't build them up or react the wrong way and have to apologize/admit that Mommy was wrong.  While I don't want that happen any more than it already has, I'm OK with knowing that it might.  We are all imperfect and if Addi and Brogan can see their parents fail and apologize, they will learn that that's what humans do...we make mistakes, we apologize, we learn from the mistakes, we keep moving forward.

My prayer though is that most of my words and actions edify and encourage my children.  I love this verse that our pastor often has the church body recite after his sermons.  Such truth and so important to remember:

"Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer." - Psalm 19:14

Rain, Rain....

I wish the rain would go away.  It is getting annoying.  I am running out of creative indoor activities (and outdoor activities...think umbrellas, puddles, etc) to do with the kiddos. It is 9:00 am and they have been up for over 3 hours.  The idea of having to find stuff to entertain them until nap time and then after is just plain daunting today.  Guess that's the way some days go.  No, staying at home is not all peaches and cream every day, but it sure beats only seeing my babies a total of two to two and a half hours a day during the week.  I wouldn't trade these days for the world...even the long, exhausting, "I think I may pull my hair out" days that happen every now and then.  I am blessed and am totally aware that God has rained showers of blessings on me.  While I look at the rain fall out the window and listen to my sweet boy scream, "Nobody greater, nobody greater than You...Praise the Lord!", I will thank God for the "rain showers" in my own life...both good and bad. I will also quickly browse Pinterest before the kids realize that I am on the computer...I am sure there are some creative rainy day activities that I have yet to find. :)

Have a blessed day...hope it's sunny where you are...even if it's raining outside. ;)

Mother's Day

Today was a fun day!  Jared had to work from home the first part of the day so we went to our church's Saturday night service yesterday.  So he *attempted* to let me sleep in while he handled the kids, but a persistent little girl refused to do anything but sit outside our bedroom door crying and saying, "Mommy, I want to see you!" over and over.  She won, but not in time for me to give a quick prayer of thanksgiving for allowing me to be a mom - something I will never take for granted and to pray for those who desire to be moms and are not at this time.  Seriously, this day is bittersweet.  I cried many tears on this day when we were trying to conceive and really just wanted to crawl into a hole for the whole day.  I detested this day (other than honoring my mom) and for those of you reading this who detest it still, I get it.

Anyway, I didn't mind Addi wanting me early this morning...her and Brogan are the reasons I celebrate this day as a mommy. :) The least I could do was hug and kiss on them this morning. ;) I did get to take a nice, brisk early morning walk (sans kiddos) and it was so beautiful and refreshing!  Throughout the day, Jared had Addi and Brogan give me little gifts (so sweet!) and he also ordered pizza in for lunch.  While the kids napped I finished reading a parenting book that I highly recommend...more on that later this week (or next week, because we know how it goes around here). After Jared finished working, we went to the airport overlook and watched the planes take off and then went to a Japanese restaurant and had dinner outside (because who really wants to attempt eating inside with two kids under the age of three if it can be helped?).  We had tons of fun eating outside and Addi kept saying, "I like eating at this restaurant!"  It was truly a great, fun-filled, relaxing day.  Hearing both kids tell me "Happy Mother's Day!" unprompted multiple times was by far the best part of my day (sorry Jared...you could have saved some money, huh?) ;)

Have a blessed week!

Sunshine!

After a rainy morning, we had sunshine this afternoon!  This is the first time we've enjoyed sun in a few days.  The kiddos and I went for a walk this afternoon and after dinner all of us went outside to let Addi practice riding her bike and then we took another walk.

That's all I wanted to share.  Just so happy to soak in the sunshine! :)

Expectations

This morning is our last morning at the beach.  Last night was the last night we were able to fall asleep listening to the crash of the ocean waves...well,  until we have another beach vacation.  I am so grateful for the time we have had to spend time together as a family.  While the kids and I spend every day together, Jared doesn't get to and it blessed my heart to watch him spend so much time with our babies and with me. :)  He works so hard and I was thankful to see him relax.  We had a great time even though the weather was cold, windy and rainy most of the week.  Which is what we would have dealt with at home, too...so it's better we were at the beach. ;)  I feel guilty because until recently, I didn't think a beach vacation would be possible for at least three to four years.

When I quit my job to stay at home I was so nervous.  I knew that there would be sacrifices.  A week before I gave my notice, we took a family vacation to this very area.  It was great.  I remember thinking so often during that time that maybe I was making the wrong decision (even though God had clearly orchestrated everything for me to quit.)  I thought that another family vacation on the same scale we took before was going to be out of the question until I returned to work in a few years.  However, God is faithful and I should never doubt Him.  He has blessed us beyond measure.  I know that there are people who would love to take a vacation and cannot for several reasons and no, I don't think that God gave us a vacation because we are more deserving than others.  I don't know why He provides for us so well at times...especially when I live my life worrying about one thing or another instead of trusting Him the way I should.  Even while writing this I am thinking, "Be careful what you write because the bottom could fall out from under you at any moment."  Which is true for all of us.  But God is faithful, gracious and merciful.  Reality is the "bottom" could fall out from any one who reads this at any time.  Not necessarily financially but in other areas as well.   It is good to recognize that without Christ and His blessings we have nothing and are nothing.  Unfortunately, I have lived a large portion of my life being far too aware that bad things can happen.  It's not even that I have had a lot of "bad things" happen compared to most...it's just when life is going really good, I start to get nervous that it's going to be really bad later.  There is hope though.  I don't have to live this way.  I read James 1 this week and saw that chapter in a whole different light.  The whole chapter spoke to me, but for the sake of time and to keep this post slightly shorter, I am going to highlight the following verses:

² Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ⁵ If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. ⁶ But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. ⁷ That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. ⁸ Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

The verses that popped out the most were verses 5-8.  During trials (and really anytime), wisdom is ours for the taking...we just need to ask God.  I am guilty of asking God for wisdom, but not doing so with an actual expectation that He is going to provide that wisdom or help right away.  The verses above say I shouldn't be that way.  Why doubt Him?  Why doubt that He isn't going to provide the help at the very moment I ask?  Why doubt that He isn't going to show Jared and I His will right away?  Why do I think that with every issue I have that God is either chastising me for something or trying to teach me something that is going to take a long time for me to get a handle on?  Why not believe that maybe, just maybe, all He really wants is for me to pray with expectation.  

Please know I do not mean that I should give God a wish list of material items and expect that He is going to give me what I want.  I also know that there are times that He does have me go through tests and trials for a lengthy amount of time for reasons that I only realize later and  even though I may pray with expectation of something happening, it's not necessarily going to happen because it's not God's will at that time.  I am also not at all saying that we don't need to seek God's will or garner strength by just praying and not reading His word.  Reading His word is essential to knowing the character of God (I stink at doing so most days).  However, when I am up to my eyeballs in a never ending laundry pile and household tasks, am dealing with a non-sleeping toddler who apparently is going deaf because he will not listen to a word I say and a growing preschooler who is testing her limits all.the.time, am stressed about possible future events, and am weary and sick (for weeks at a time) on top of it all...I can go to God with an expectation that He is going to restore and refresh me sooner rather than later.  I can expect that He is going to love me and provide me with the strength I need to get through this time.  I can expect that if I ask Him, I will have the wisdom I need to give godly and loving discipline to my children instead of trying fifteen different methods without any of them working.  I can expect that if I tell God about my fears and worries about possible future events, that He will comfort me. I can expect that if I lean on Him, He will give me the rest I need, that He will restore my soul and my body and that I will come out of this time with more knowledge of who He is and who I am in Him.  

I need to attend to some wild kiddos and finish packing, so I am not going to read over this to make sure it makes sense...even if I did, I don't know if it will make sense to others...but I hope it does.  

Goodbye ocean...it's been great once again.  As my sweet girl said though, "I'm ready to go to my 'real' house."  I love that she loves home.  Makes my heart happy for sure!

PS...sorry this is in two different fonts and sizes.  For some reason, I cannot access my toolbar to change this.  

"I didn't mean to do that." - "That wasn't supposed to happen."

Today while we were throwing a balloon around the house, Addi kept throwing it in the opposite direction that I thought she would and then would say, "Oops.  That wasn't supposed to happen."  It was so cute. :)

When she does something by accident (spill a drink, hit her daddy on the head, etc) she will say, "I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to do that."  We know when she says that it is really an accident because she NEVER says it when she does something on purpose.  Well, Brogan has picked up on this saying.  So, he will do something he knows he shouldn't be doing (tell daddy or mommy "no, no!", climb on the same piece of furniture he knows he isn't supposed to climb on 45 times a day, hit his sister, etc.) and thinks that he will not be punished if he follows the act with a quick, "I sorry.  I didn't mean to do that."  Of course, the term "punishment" is used lightly.  Punishments around here are pretty weak - we are working on being a bit more firm with these two.  Tough to do when they're just so cute. :)

Sweet Memory - Concert for Two

This post probably won't really appeal to anyone...just a memory I never want to forget.

Tonight Jared and I were able to sit on the couch and hold hands while we watched the best show ever...our children singing, dancing and acting silly to entertain us.  It was hilarious!  Brogan was playing the guitar (his sister's Dora guitar), but was holding it like a piano of sorts and also had a shaker thing in his other hand.  He would push the button on the guitar so it would play a song and would dance all around while Addi danced and hopped as well.  It was the sweetest, cutest and silliest show we've ever viewed.  Jared mentioned that they didn't have a care in the world and we agreed that's exactly how their childhood should be.  We are so thankful that they are carefree, happy and amazing little children.  I hope the shows continue for many years to come. :)  

Laundry Dream

Between Jared and I, our dirty laundry piles are usually pretty small.  Yes, I have a wonderful husband who helps me with the towels and his clothes at times (I won't let him do mine or the kids). ;)  Anyway, he has been super busy and I have been sick, and our laundry piles are fairly large at the present moment.  Apparently, this has stressed me out because last night I dreamed that I was standing on a mountain of dirty laundry.  Seriously, it was HUGE!  When I went to climb down from it, I realized that there were two mountains of dirty laundry.  Good news is, I am starting to feel much better and the first load of laundry is already in the washer. :)

When Life Hands You Lemons...

Jared has been very busy basically since before Christmas (as in working up to 80 hours or more a week).  He is a great father and spends quality time with our children every day, but due to his work schedule the quantity of time has been sorely lacking.  We've dealt with a few sicknesses in the last few weeks (both kids got pneumonia at different times, Brogan also had a sinus infection and then croup and now I have bronchitis a sinus infection and a stomach bug).  We've also received a few "minor" pieces of irritating news recently (nothing major at all, but all together is a lot).  So, the other day, when we realized that some of Jared's work obligations should be lighter in the next couple weeks, we decided that it is time for a vacation.  We are beach bound on April 27th for a week! :)  Cannot wait! Addi is already talking every day about riding a boat. :)  She seems to remember some of our vacation in August, so that just adds to her excitement.  We cannot wait to have some awesome family time and just soak in the sun.

You are a Gem

Dear Addi,

You are beautiful.  PLEASE don't ever let anyone make you believe different.  You were formed by God...created in HIS image. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.  You are smart and kind, silly and funny.  You are loving and amazing.  You are incredible.

It breaks my heart to think one day you may question any of these things that I just told you.  As tears fall down my face as I type this, I pray that you will always believe what Mommy and Daddy tell you about yourself.  More importantly, I pray that you will believe what the Bible says about you.  Read Psalm 139 every single day if you must, but please, sweet one, don't EVER question your worth.

I love you so much!  Thank you for being you...YOU are wonderful!!

Love,
Mommy

Bad Dream

This morning I woke up with probably extremely high blood pressure...my head is still pounding, but at least now my breathing has normalized.  Right before I woke up, I dreamed that Addi had drowned in the bathtub.  It was just a terrible, terrible dream that literally made me feel ill upon waking.  When I woke up, I almost ran to Addi's room, but thought twice about it because I didn't want to wake her up by startling her. I was so thankful when she and Brogan woke up and I knew that my kids were OK.  I am sitting here now, watching my sweet babies as they have their morning Dora "fix" and am just so thankful for them.

Why am I typing this out?  Well, I was hoping by doing so that it would help me finally calm down 3 hours after the dream.  Between thanking God out loud for some of my blessings, typing this, and having my cute little man come up while I was typing and ask me to sing with him (which of course, I did), I am feeling better now and can resume normal activities.  I have a feeling I will be thanking God for the amazing blessings of my sweet kiddos even more today...and they may get tired of all the hugs.

HORRIBLE dream, but a good reminder to not take life for granted.

Microphones and Umbrellas

Brogan loves to pretend random toys / items around our house are microphones (even though he has more than one microphone to choose from).  When he finds something that is particularly microphone worthy he will carry it around with him for hours.  Currently it is a plastic spoon that I let the kids use to pretend they were cooking.  It is no longer allowed to be used for that because it is his microphone.  He will scream if Addi tries to take it. (We are working on sharing!) What I love...instead of saying "microphone" he will refer to it as his "My God is Awesome." ;)

He is also going through this phase instead of saying, "I want more, please" he just says, "I love more, please."  So if he wants more water, he'll say, "I love more water, please."  :)  Too cute! And I sort-of lied, he doesn't always say "please" with the statement.  That is what I would LOVE him to do, but he is getting better...probably because we CONSTANTLY remind him that he needs to say it. :)

A little story to show that God cares even about our little one's desires.  Sunday it rained like crazy here.  Addi saw a ton of umbrellas at church (yep, we don't have one...well, we have multiple I'm sure, but who knows where).  Anyway, she decided that she wanted an umbrella...in fact, she tried to swipe one. I think it was an innocent act...I mean, would she really try to steal at church?  Anyway, I told her that we would get her one soon.  So Monday we went to Target for some things and as we were walking in she asked for an umbrella.  I told her if I could find one we would get it for her.  Truth: It was not in the budget that I am trying to stick to for the month, so I figured I would be able to distract her from an umbrella by buying her something from the Dollar Spot there and avoiding the umbrella section altogether.  Wouldn't you know that they happened to have an umbrella for $3.00 in that section?  Only one and it was pink...her favorite color.  Now, I'm not saying that it was definitely a God thing - and I know that there are MUCH more important and urgent issues for Him to care about - but seriously, what are the chances that she would want something so badly and I just happen to find a cheap one in her favorite color at the first area we stopped in at the store? Coincidence or not, I whispered a prayer of thanks as I handed the umbrella to my sweet girl.  She was so excited!  She was telling everyone in the store that she was getting an umbrella.  They probably thought, "That poor, deprived child. She must never get anything new." ;)  She loves it...plays with it inside and cannot wait for it to rain!  Note to anyone who may want to try this: Before her bath on Monday night, I let her stand in the tub with her umbrella and turned on the shower.  Water went EVERYWHERE as it bounced off the umbrella and Addi freaked out.  Not my finest mommy moment, but my intentions were good. :)  Oh...and also (mainly for any family that may read this)...money is not so tight that we can't afford to buy things...we are just being frugal and have a strict budget this month since we paid for a certain little girl's birthday party earlier this month. :)

Of course, I was going to be a miser and not buy my little girl an umbrella and yet tonight Jared and I have date night. :)   Priorities...aside from God, our marriage is our biggest priority.  Date night is important.  We don't do it enough, mainly because of time.  That and the fact that we don't like to leave the kids multiple nights a month and we don't have any family in the area, so it costs us $10.00 an hour for a babysitter.  We personally think people should pay us to watch our kids since they are so great and all. ;)  So for now, we only go about once a month...which usually turns out to be once every six weeks or so.  Tonight's the night though and the kids get to spend time with their favorite (and only) babysitter, "L".  She is a blessing and the kids adore her!  She also is struggling with asthma and allergies at this time of year, so if you think about it, please say a prayer for her...I know she can use some tonight. ;)

Polka Dotted Day

This morning I took the kiddos to an Easter event.  On the way, I was a bit bummed because it was cold and rainy and I wanted it to be a sunny Spring day.  Addi put it all into perspective.  She had commented that it was raining, but suddenly she saw the rain in a different light.  She looked at our car windows and exclaimed, "Mommy, there are polka dots on our windows!"  She was so excited...the girl LOVES polka dots.  It was so sweet and at that moment I prayed that she would always be able to see the "polka dots" in the midst of any storms that may come her way.  

Thank you, Addi for an innocent, but beautiful reminder to look for the beauty in all situations.  You are certainly one of my brightest "polka dots" and mommy loves you so much!!  

In other news...

Addi and Brogan got to pet real lambs today...they were in heaven.  Both of them loved it!! :)

Brogan finally has a new favorite song.  For months, it has been "My God is Awesome."  All members of the family loved that song, but I must admit that after hearing it probably well over 100 times, we all got a little tired of it and would sort-of groan when he would ask for that song. So, his new favorite song is "10,000 Reasons."  He made a good choice. :)

The relationship between Addi and Brogan is growing even more.  They really and truly are becoming the best of friends.  Hearing them laugh together is amazing. I know I've said that before, but I just had to say it again. :)

I took about an hour to relax tonight after the kids went to bed...like bubble bath, good book and pampering myself relax.  It was wonderful and I truly feel like a new woman.  Random, I know, but just a friendly reminder to all of you to make sure you take a little time to yourself every now and then.

We are in the midst of March Madness.  I don't really care about it, but Jared does.  His watching the game is the reason I found no guilt in taking a bubble bath instead of spending time with him tonight. So it was a win-win for both of us.  Technically, it wasn't since the team he had chosen to win, lost.

I guess that is enough random musings for now.  Enjoy your week!  May it be filled with lots of polka dots! :)

Some Prayer Requests

I have so much on my mind to post.  Many lessons that I have been taught recently...funny kids the things do,...etc.  I start to write a post and words just sort of fail me.  So, for now, this is what is on my mind.

Addi's party this weekend was a huge success!  She loved the bike Jared and I got her, but she fell and skinned her knee that night.  We felt terrible.  We thought she wouldn't want to ride it again for quite some time and would need coaxing the next time we wanted to get on it.  This morning she woke up, put on her helmet and said, "Can I have my bike, please?"  Music to my ears and the sweet girl rode/sat on it in the living room while we got ready for church.

We took the kids to their first concert tonight...Third Day.  Ten days before we started dating officially in 2003, Jared and I went to their concert together.  It was fitting that Third Day was their first concert.  Addi LOVED it.  She got tired, then got a second wind and pretty much rocked out the entire time. :)  Brogan enjoyed it, but was tired.  He fell asleep in his daddy's arms early on.

Please pray for Addi.  She is having a rough time being three.  I think it's just a growing phase...she's gaining a little more independence, she is growing and her brain is developing even more.  She is usually an excellent sleeper (unlike our little guy) and lately has been waking up throughout the night crying.  Pretty sure last night she had a night terror...it took her a while to wake up enough to even realize that we were with her.  She is sassing a bit more, refusing to nap, etc.  She is really a great child, one of the best there has ever been. She is just struggling a little bit right now.  It hurts my heart to see her this way though...especially not sleeping.  I don't know what to do for her.  I keep praying for guidance and patience.  Seems like I have been praying  A LOT for those things recently.  I am weary and worried.  I HATE not knowing what to do to make everything completely better in my children's lives. Good news...she is listening very well when it comes to her behavior in public.  This makes me so happy!  She is also SO lovable.  She loves for me to hold her and sit with her, etc. She is a delight...a pure joy, but sweet pea has a double dose of stubborn and just like her mama, desires to do things her own way all.the.time.

Please also pray for Brogan.  He has been sick so much recently.  It seems like when he gets sick, he stays sick for quite awhile.  Croup, then sinus infection, then pneumonia and now his teeth are super sensitive...he is getting four in at once.  I just want him to feel great.  Again, just bothers me, some.

Also, please pray that I can find a mentor.  I need one.  Parenting is so tough.  Much tougher than I thought. NOT because my children are horrible (because they are not), it just comes with so many more emotions than I ever imagined.  I feel like I am failing way too often.  I know I'm a good mom on most days, but I want to be a GREAT mom every day.  I put too much pressure on myself.  Most nights I go to bed feeling like I a failure.  Jared says I'm crazy and my kids sure do love their mommy, but still, I feel lost. I question so much of what I do.  I feel so unworthy and unqualified.  It keeps me on my knees, which is great, but a little guidance and encouragement from a Christian woman would be wonderful.  Thankfully, my mom is a great role model, but I need to talk to someone sometimes who didn't raise me...someone who isn't so closely involved in my children's lives.  I've already decided that one day I am going to mentor a mom with young children.  I NEVER realized the need until I experienced it...it's vital.  If you're a mom with small kiddos, get a mentor.  If you're a mom who has raised your children, be a mentor - maybe even my mentor? ;)

Anyway, prayers appreciated!

Dandelion Blessing

While on our walk today, Addi saw dandelions and just had to pick one. She was so proud and so excited about that little yellow flower.  A little while later, we stopped walking and found a white dandelion and I showed her and Brogan how to blow the "petals" off.  They thought this was great.  Somehow during the excitement Addi lost the flower she had picked early on into our walk.  She realized this a few minutes after the fact.  I tried to get her to pick another one, but it wasn't the same.  We were almost home, it was almost lunch time and then nap time.  I did not want to turn around to find the flower.  However, when I saw the dejected look on her face, I couldn't help it.  We turned around.  We FINALLY found the flower.  Addi was happy...ecstatic even...she thanked me for helping her find it. For a few brief moments, I felt like such a great mom (something that I don't feel like often).  I am so glad that I did not miss the opportunity to show Addi that I care about what she cares about.  It only took a few extra minutes, but it showed her that her feelings are important to me.  About a minute after finding the flower, Addi decided that she didn't want it anymore.  I had picked one for her as an alternative to the lost one.  She had not been interested in t at first...however, once she had the option between the two, she decided she wanted the one mommy gave to her instead.  I felt double blessed and will probably never look at dandelions the same. :)

Stranger Danger - A little loss of innocence

Addi is a social butterfly.  She LOVES to talk to anyone and everyone she sees.  We encourage her to be friendly, however, perhaps we have encouraged it a bit much.  A couple weeks ago, she let someone hold her...someone we had never seen before.  The lady seemed very nice and was with her husband and two children, but I couldn't believe that she would just pick her up and I couldn't believe that Addi would allow her to do so.  I immediately took Addi and politely excused ourselves.  Last week at the park she saw a little girl about her age who was with her grandpa.  Addi asked us if she could just stay with them for a little while.  Of course, we told her no. These people were complete strangers.  This past Saturday at the park, her and her just-as-social three-year-old friend, met two girls who were probably around 9 or 10.  They were having a picnic and offered the girls food.  Both girls were excited and wanted to stay with them.  The other mom and I declined the food, but again, we had didn't even know them. Yesterday while walking in our neighborhood, a high school student got off the bus and Addi ran up and hugged her.  Of course, we had never seen her before either.

Since she is now three, Jared and I think it's time to start teaching her about "stranger danger."  It hurts my heart to have to introduce her to something in this world that could cause her to fear.  We have been able to shield her and Brogan from so much...I think they totally believe this world is a completely innocent place to be in.  We are struggling with how to do introduce this information to her, and still keep her friendliness and innocence in tact.

I'll tell you...parenting doesn't seem to get any easier as our children grow.  I am so thankful for a God that we can call upon any time of the day or night for strength and guidance.

On a lighter note:

Conversation late last week:

Addi: "Hey, Brog.  Do you want to get married?
Brogan: "Yeah!"
Addi:( Faces him and looks at him for a few seconds) "OK, done.  Yay, we're married!"

Haha...thinking you can marry a family member is definitely not an "innocent" thought we want to protect.  At least she chose a great guy. I can already tell he's a keeper for some blessed lady someday...far, far, far away from now. ;)

Praying for Orphans

I have had the amazing pleasure of following a friend (via her blog and emails) as her and her husband were on their journey towards adopting a little boy from China. They came home today with their precious baby boy! I am so excited for them...thrilled that they have the privilege to be parents to this sweet, adorable little guy and thrilled that their son now has the privilege to have two loving, amazing parents and a new life outside of an orphanage.

Our family has been praying for this family throughout the process, but I kicked up my prayers a bit throughout the last few weeks while they were in China.  By doing this, I learned two things:

1.  I truly believe God has called me to a ministry of intercessory prayer.  What does this mean?  Well, for a long time I've been compelled to pray for people in certain situations - even waking up thinking about situations in the middle of the night.  Most often I would utter a quick prayer and then lay awake thinking about other stuff (things I needed to do, my own circumstances, the kids, etc.).  I have felt guilty about this because, for whatever reason, I truly believe that God wants me to pray specifically and fervently at times for other people and I do not listen to His prompting.  I have realized the last few weeks that I find such joy in really taking the time to pray for others.  It helps take my eyes of myself, my situations, my desires, my needs and makes me feel as though I am doing my part in God's kingdom.  Yes, praying for others can definitely be a ministry...especially when life is so overwhelming and you can't devote time to do ministry in the church as often as you'd like.  There is a lot I don't understand about prayer.  For example: Does my prayer really impact someone else's situation?  Is that why God compels me to pray for others?  Or is it because by praying for others I am changed?  Maybe that's His goal in intercessory prayer.  I truly don't know...and really don't care...I just want to be obedient.  He knows why He places people on my mind...I just need to react to his prompting on a consistent basis.

2.  It made me really think about how blinded I am to the needs of this world.  I spent a couple years working with people in China on a daily basis (my main interactions were via email mostly and Skype a little bit...and I must say, THANK GOD that there are people in China who can speak English!).  I dealt with people in manufacturers that were located in different areas - some very poor from what I understand.  I know they worked very hard (a lot of times more than 12 hours a day for very little pay).  I also knew there was a huge population of orphans in China.  It made me sad to think about, but honestly, it's one of those things that I just didn't let myself think about too much.  Praying for my friends compelled me to start doing a little research on the orphan population in China.  Most of this research led me to other blogs about people who are adopting from China...more pictures of horrible living conditions within China...it truly is a different world.  Do you know that there are quite a few orphanages who cannot even afford to do adoptions?  So, these babies grow up without ever having a chance to be loved by their own set of parents.  Some people are giving up their children in hopes of a better life because they can't afford to care for them...heartbreaking. So much of what I have read has brought tears to my eyes and/or made my mouth drop open in shock.  My friends were blessed to have their son come from a great orphanage, but apparently this is often not the case.  Children are tied to beds, have very little opportunity to play or interact with others, etc.  It is so incredibly sad and I.cannot.get.it.off.my.mind.  It makes me want to do more. Makes me want to help in someway.  I just don't know how (other than by praying) yet.

Jared and I researched adoption before we conceived Addi and were really interested in potentially adopting from Russia...that is now out of the question due to the Russian government not allowing US adoptions.  It's been something we've said we'd like to consider doing at some point, but that's been about the extent of our conversations.  Fast forward to now...I can't get it off my mind and it's driving me crazy.  We are definitely not in a position to adopt or even start the adoption process of a child at this time.  Addi and Brogan are so close in age and still so young and we are completely overwhelmed (mainly in a good way) on a daily basis just trying to raise and care for them.  Besides, we have to go at least 6 months after Brogan is potty-trained before we will even consider adding to our family.  He isn't even close to being potty-trained if that gives you any indication of a timeline. ;)  I am not even sure if it's in God's plan for us to adopt.  However, I feel like there is something that I need to be doing...something my family needs to be doing to help this situation.  For now, I will pray.  Fervently.  Our family will pray.  Addi and Brogan actually know some about China now and know that there was a little boy who was there and who now gets to live with his mommy and daddy.  Addi is very relieved by this...I don't think Brogan understands yet. So, we are going to pray specifically for China for now. I encourage all of you to pray too.  Pray for the children in this world (all countries, or pick a country) who have to go to sleep another night without getting to experience a parent's love.  Pray for the caretakers at the orphanages - some who devote their lives to loving and caring for these sweet children (There are some awesome caretakers out there...I've read about them!).  Pray for the biological parents who - for whatever reason - decided to send their child to an orphanage.  Pray for the people who are in the adoption process...there are so many...who are waiting to go get their child - it is a grueling, tedious, frustrating, incredibly painful and difficult wait.  Pray for those who have adopted children and for the children who have been adopted - that everyone will adjust well.  Many orphans don't even know how to attach themselves to their parents because they never received the love they should have.  Pray for those who are considering adoption, but for whatever reason, just aren't sure they will ever be able to do so.  Most of all...pray that God will be glorified and that lives will be changed for eternity because there are people in this world who answer His call...adopt a child...love on that child...interact with caregivers and guides, etc.  Pray that their lights will shine brightly and that people will want to know why they shine so bright and will ultimately come to know Christ as their personal savior.

In closing...congratulations, again to our sweet friends!  We are so blessed that you allowed us to partake on this journey with you.  Thank you for impacting our lives...and helping to open our eyes.

As my friend's blog states:

Once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do.  God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows what we know, and holds us responsible to act.  Proverbs 24:12

Think about what you can do.  Do it.  If that's praying...do it.  If that's supporting someone in the adoption process...do it.  If that's encouraging someone who is waiting for their child...do it.  If that's adopting...do it.  If that's finding out about the needs of an orphanage and somehow supporting that orphanage...do it.  Don't just think about it...do it.

Be careful little tongue what you say...

So, a few months ago I accidentally said "crap" in front of Addi.  She thought this was funny to say for a little while, but stopped.  I haven't heard her say it since.  I'll admit that I have slipped up and said this word some since that time. I know, I know...way to go on keeping my words in check...definitely no mommy of the year award for me! 

Anyway, Addi just said that she would like breakfast.  We are a little low on breakfast options today, so I told her she could have some fruit and yogurt.  She obviously didn't like this suggestion and said, "Yogurt is crap!"  I was shocked and thought I misunderstood her and asked her to repeat herself...yes, that's what she said.  She usually loves yogurt, but whatever.  Here's to praying that she doesn't say "crap" at church this morning.  I guess she could be saying worse, but something about your not even three-year-old saying "crap" that kind-of makes me cringe. 

"I a prince?"

Brogan's mind has been working overtime trying to figure out if people are boys or girls.  I think he gets that he and daddy are boys and that Addi and I are girls. I think.  He is still learning other gender specific names.  Addi whole-heartedly believes she is a princess (as in a Disney princess, not just a princess).  Anyway, she will twirl and whirl around and exclaim how she is a princess all.the.time.  Naturally, Brogan has picked up on this.  He will do the same and exclaim that he is a princess.  Jared and I have told him several times that he is a prince, not a princess.  So now he walks around quite a bit screaming, "I a prince!"  "Addi a princess!  I a prince!"  It's cute. :)  Speaking of cute.  He has certain outfits that I put on him that he must like more than others. When he really likes one that I have put on him, he will stand up, pat his chest and say, "I coot (cute)!"  He also says he's handsome.  We have taught him well. :)

I also love how he pats his chest and says, "I Brogan!" when people ask him his name.  He is a prince.  He is cute.  He is handsome.  Yup, that's our Brogan. :)

Coming Home

After a stressful week (thanks to birds in the attic, a sick little boy, and a couple other minor things), Jared gave me a sweet treat...he suggested that I take the afternoon to myself.  It was only 2 1/2 hours, but it was great!  I realized when I went to Target that I did NOT have to park by the cart section because I didn't need to put two kids into it before I went into the store.  Sometimes it's the little things. :)  (I know that there are people who would love to be able to have children to put into carts and please know that I am not saying that it is a nuisance to do so...it's just like anything...sometimes it's nice to break from the norm.)

Anyway,  when I got home, I was greeted by Addi - who immediately started crying because she is going through a stage and decided she wanted mommy to feel horrible about leaving her - and Brogan - who was yelling, "Hold me, Mommy!"  Not to worry, they had a great time with their daddy..they adore him...but they missed me. I missed them.  It was good to get back to them, to have them within my reach.

Truth is, I liked being away for awhile, but I LOVED coming back home.

Paw-kit-killer

Brogan says, "Paw-kit-killer" a lot when he is outside.  He is looking for a caterpillar. ;)  I love how he says that.  Of course, I correct him because I always want Addi and him to try to pronounce words correctly, but it is so adorable!  We didn't see any paw-kit-killers outside today...maybe soon. :)

Misc Stuff

I am listening to Jared interact with our sweet kiddos and my heart is once again overwhelmed with such joy!  Jared is such a good daddy!  He is already teaching our daughter how she should be treated by men some day and is a great role model for our son.  I am so thankful for my Mr. Wonderful!!!

In other news...

Today as I was sweeping the entrance by our door, Brogan decided to help me.  Only his version of helping was to spread the dirt I was sweeping into one pile all around the floor.  It was cute (and kind-of gross and yes, I washed his hands).  It made me think about the times I attempt to "help" God when He is working.  Sometimes, I just make a huge mess in my attempts to help move things along.  He usually responds the way I did with Brogan...gently removes me from the situation while he picks up the mess.  I love how I can so often find lessons from God in things my children do.  I don't think that's by accident.  We serve a great God who cares about us enough to gently show us areas that we need to improve in.

Addi is getting super excited about her upcoming birthday party in a couple weeks.  I am getting excited, too...but am also getting a little teary-eyed thinking about the time that has already passed by so fast.  I was reading a book my sister made for Addi that contains posts about my pregnancy and sobbed my eyes out yesterday.  I was experiencing emotions while pregnant that I was so unfamiliar with (love that I didn't even know existed) and then when she was born that love compounded so much more.  It is SO bittersweet to watch her grow.  Breaks my heart, yet blesses it at the same time.  I can't explain the emotions, but yes, I'm already becoming a huge, sentimental sap and she won't be three until March 9th.  Geeze.

Today we went to the pet store and then to Old Navy.  Addi loves pets, but goodness, she loves clothes even more.  Everything was "cute!"  Brogan liked the pet store, but was not amused by Old Navy and kept screaming, "Get out!"  Which was my cue to leave as quickly as possible before every eye in the place turned in our direction. ;)  Later we took a walk around our neighborhood, and Addi exclaimed that some flowers smelled like "smelly, stinky yogurt".  Haha.  She loves yogurt...but apparently does not love the smell. :)

That pretty much sums up our world right now.  Not a ton of exciting things going on at the present moment, but each day is definitely an adventure! Blessed and thankful!