Addi's First Ballet Class

It was a day we had both been waiting for and when I awoke yesterday morning to Addi laying right beside me, I took a second to hold her close before whispering, "Addi, do you know what today is?"  She whispered back, "Mommy, I become a ballerina today!"  It took exactly 2.2 seconds after that declaration for her to roll out of the bed and start jumping up and down.  About every 5-10 minutes throughout the morning she would ask me, "Is it 1:00 yet?  When are we leaving?"  

Preparing for her class was chaotic, but fun (chaotic because I lost my cell phone and spent too much time looking for it and was rushed trying to prepare an early lunch and get Brogan down for an early nap so that we could leave at 12:30ish).  Addi wanted "princess" hair.  This is when I blow dry it and "make it longer."  It does actually make it a little longer because if we don't blow dry it it curls up even more than it does when we do.  I had tears in my eyes as I started putting on her ballerina outfit.  My little girl looks sweet in any color, but she is so precious in pink and she was absolutely glowing.  As soon as the entire outfit was on, she beamed and started doing ballet moves.  She was so proud!

I was a little nervous about how she would do in this first class. Addi is a social butterfly, but is also a bit reserved until she is comfortable.  When we walked into the class, she walked right up to the teacher and gave her a sweet hello.  No hesitation whatsoever.  She knew she was there to do and she was so confident.  I slipped her into her little ballerina slippers and she was eager to show them off.  :)  She was told to find a number to sit on and she did.  The music started and the teacher began to give directions....and the tears started to flow.  Not from my beautiful, ballerina princess...but from  me, whose breath was taken away when I saw how well she was listening and trying every.single.move.  My heart was captured (once again) when a couple minutes into the class she turned around and said, "Mommy, look!  I'm a ballerina!" She studied the teacher, studied the other girls (most of who are a year older, were in this class last year, and in her eyes are probably so much wiser) and she was keeping up with them.  Sure she was wobbly (as were they all) and got distracted every few minutes because she was looking back to me and blowing kisses (heart melting!) or flashing me her million dollar smile, but in my eyes, she was amazing.  She was determined, but not stressed out when she made a mistake. She was serious, yet she let herself have fun.  She was happy, so incredibly excited.  She was fulfilling a dream of hers and she rocked it.  During the tap dance portion, she initially fell a few times because the floor was slippery.  The first time she looked at me and said, "I'm OK, Mommy!" and she got right back up. After that, with each fall it was like she learned how to be a little more careful, and by the end of the very brief tap portion (five minutes because of the floor), she was not falling anymore.

After class, she ran to me and said, "Mommy, I want to come back next time!"  So we will. :)  We both learned a lot yesterday.  I learned that my girl knows what she wants and knows how to go after it.  I learned that God has blessed my little girl with an incredible confidence that Jared and I are working hard to nurture and grow.  I learned that she listens really well to other people (now to work on listening to us a bit more). ;) I learned that even though she was the smallest in her class (and one of the youngest), she didn't let that intimidate her for even a second.  I learned that it only takes me one time of me telling her that she was awesome before it is implanted on her heart and she tells others about how awesome she is. :)  And Addi...she learned a little bit of ballet, a little bit of tap, and a lot of patience with herself.  She learned that practice is important.  She learned that even when she is by herself and pursuing her goals, she will always have a cheering section. She knows her biggest cheerleader is God, who will always be with her, who will never fail her, and who graciously provided the means for this class. In this class, it was Mommy and Brogan (who by the way kept saying, "Addi is doing a good job!"). From a small distance it was Daddy (while at work).  From afar, it was her extended family.  All of us excited for her...all of us proud of her...all of us hoping for the best...and all of us so blessed and so thankful to have her in our lives. 

Sidenote:  Brogan was so well-behaved while we were there! He sat on my lap and watched his sister the entire time.  He was cheering her on (quietly, thankfully). ;)  After class, Addi's teacher told me that she was amazed at how well he did while waiting.  She said she had never seen a child that young do so well and gave him a sucker. ;)  He did awesome and not because I had to coax him...I never once had to tell him to behave.  He just did it on his own.  He, too, is growing up and showing us his character and it is incredible.  Jared and I are so proud of him!  *Oh, and his moment is coming...he LOVES music more than any child I have ever met and gets to start music classes on Sept. 10th.*

***Oh, and Addi sleeping with us...yeah, that's another story for another time. ;)

Life is full of so many blessings!

Current Favorites:

1.  Addi telling us that we gave her the best surprise ever when we took her to a park that had a carousel, petting zoo (very, very small petting zoo), train ride, playground, splash pad, aquarium (very, very small aquarium) and a lake where she was able to feed ducks.  Brogan had fun, too...but Addi was OVER THE MOON thrilled.

2.  Addi's excitement when she put on tap shoes for the very first time and heard the noise they make.  She starts ballet/tap lessons this week and is very happy that she is going to be a ballerina.

3.  Brogan's ability to transition to his "big boy bed" almost flawlessly.  So super proud of him and he is very proud too!  Every morning he tells me, "I love my big boy bed!"

4. Brogan's class at church didn't have a teacher today and he sat in the service with us and did AMAZINGLY well...then he fell asleep on me and this mama's heart melted.  Two year olds don't fall asleep on their mama's often and I cherished the moment. :)

5.  The kids compassion towards each other.  Which is so much nicer to observe than when they fight.  They are two peas in a pod though and always make up quickly. 

6.  Jared's schedule will soon be slowing down.  We caught a glimpse of that today when we were able to spend time together as a family (see #1).  We were all relaxed (minus the meltdown from Brogan on the way there and the meltdown from Addi on the way back).  It was great!  I love having extra time with the man I love!!

7.  Addi calls sunscreen "sunscream" (LOVE!)...Brogan will say, "Ladies and gentlemitt, boys and grills" (LOVE too!)  Of course, I almost always give them the correct pronunciation, but I sure do think it's cute when they say those things.

8.  Phone calls with my sister.  The other day (after I only had 20 minutes of sleep for the entire night...thank you, Addi and Brogan) she listened to me vent and was very encouraging.  We talk every morning during the week and at other times too and it is so nice and I am so grateful. :)

9.  Hummus.  Don't ask.  I'm addicted these days.  It is seriously disturbing.

10.  Knowing God understands me and knows exactly what I need when I don't understand myself.  He is so good!!

More recent favorites...

1.  Addi is finally starting to sleep better.  I think the angels are even singing on this one. ;)  Her sleep schedule is not great, but we're making strides.  We even had TWO nights in a row that she slept the entire night.  Last night was not so great, but it was definitely better than it could have been.  It was enough sleep that we were able to go to church today.  That made all of us happy!

I have more, but I think I'm just going to let this one sink in awhile.  :) Well, that and my creative juices just are not flowing anymore.  When I sit down to write, I almost put myself to sleep. 

My three-year-old will not sleep

There have really only been a handful of times that I have felt so completely helpless as a parent that all I can do is cry out to God and pray that He moves swiftly.  I'm not talking about the frustration that comes because of too many tantrums, disobedience or dealing with the normal behaviors that come from parenting.  I am talking about the helplessness that comes from times like when your child was just diagnosed with MRSA and you have to immediately drop everything and get her to the hospital. 

What we are dealing with right now is not a diagnosis of a health issue.  We are dealing with a three year, five month old little girl who cannot sleep.  This is not the normal, "The baby was up most of the night" or "She won't take a nap" type of thing.  This is a child who, for the most part, has always been a great sleeper.  Her sleep issues began right after Jared and I returned from our little getaway the first week of July.  Initially, we thought she was just a little unsettled because we had been away.  As it continued, we realized we were dealing with a bigger issue.

Her doctor has assured me that this is a phase.  I have researched that a lot of three-year-olds go through this, however, after being up almost the entire night (for the 2nd time in  4 nights), I must say that I am confused and scared.  Why won't she sleep?  What are we doing wrong?? 

Facts:

1.  She only drinks water and the occasional glass of milk (milk about once a week). No tea, no soda, and no juice. 

2.  She is an active child and is constantly on the go.  She does not lead a sedentary lifestyle.

3.  Sugar consumption is kept to a minimum. 

4.  She seems happy and content during the day.

5.  She has a nightly routine that we always stick to and we put her to bed at the same time (most nights).

6.  She has slept in her own bed on a regular basis since before she was a year old.

7.  We always let her sleep with the light on in her closet.

All of these things tell me that she should be able to sleep, but she can't.  It breaks my heart because I know she needs her sleep and I feel like I am failing her by not being able to figure out how to best achieve that.

We have tried EVERYTHING that we can possibly think of to get her to sleep.  Encouragement, prayers, extra hugs and kisses, laying with her, singing to her, bribery, punishment, constantly putting her back to bed and not engaging in any conversations (the other night I did this 42 times before she finally stayed in her bed), leaving extra lights on, leaving her door open while she falls asleep, etc.  In my exhaustion, I have said some things to her that I'm not proud of....nothing major, but probably to her have sounded pretty mean.  That certainly hasn't helped, I'm sure.

Tonight...she FINALLY fell asleep at midnight (with her door open. closet light and light in the hallway on).  She slept for less than two hours and did not go back to sleep until after 5:00 this morning. Unfortunately, I probably slept for about an hour during that time because it took awhile for me to get to sleep after spending four hours dealing with trying to get her to sleep. I have not slept since she went back to sleep because I am worried about her and have a long list of questions running through my mind.  I'm afraid that she is going to get sick if she doesn't start sleeping.  I am wondering if she is dealing with something internally that I'm not aware of yet.  Does she just not feel secure in her house anymore?  Am I doing something wrong during the day?  Do we need to change her bedtime routine?  Does she not like her room?  Does she not feel safe?  Does she just reach a point of exhaustion that makes it difficult for her to go sleep?  Should she nap more; nap less?  The questions won't stop.

Anyway...I don't even know what the point of blogging about this issue is.  Maybe it's because I'm at my wits end and don't know what else to do.  Maybe it's because I want to remember this in the future so that if I deal with Brogan doing the same thing at her age, I can read this and tell myself this is perfectly normal.  Maybe it's because I'm hoping someone will read this and have a "been there, done that" story to share with me.  Maybe it's because I want advice.  Maybe it's because I need prayer.  Maybe it's because it is 6:30 am and I have not had a decent night's sleep.  Who knows. 

If you do think about it, please do pray for her.  I want my baby girl to be able to rest...and, yes, I want to be able to rest as well.