Procrastination

My boss emailed me today to check in and make sure that I still plan on returning to work on August 1st. Yes, this is the plan. I started to reply to her and confirm, but just couldn't bring myself to hit the send button. So tonight, I procrastinate...and let the tears fall freely as type this. I'll reply tomorrow, but for now I am avoiding doing so. Doesn't change anything...I still have to send the email, still have to go to work on August 1st, still have to kiss my son good-bye knowing that for a few hours every Monday-Friday he will be someone elses to hold, play with, hug and comfort and I will still have to face reality that my baby girl can no longer be dropped off at daycare at 10:30 in the morning and picked up well before other children get to go home. I know this is a good problem...to have a job and to have children, but right now it hurts. Right now, I don't like it. Right now, I want July to last for another 31 days. Right now, I want to curse the people who created money, who thought women should have equal rights in the work force, who thought work weeks should be 40 hours. I hate the pursuit of the American Dream...my dream is to be able to be spend as much time with my children as I absolutely want to. Tomorrow, I will hit the send button.