There have really only been a handful of times that I have felt so completely helpless as a parent that all I can do is cry out to God and pray that He moves swiftly. I'm not talking about the frustration that comes because of too many tantrums, disobedience or dealing with the normal behaviors that come from parenting. I am talking about the helplessness that comes from times like when your child was just diagnosed with MRSA and you have to immediately drop everything and get her to the hospital.
What we are dealing with right now is not a diagnosis of a health issue. We are dealing with a three year, five month old little girl who cannot sleep. This is not the normal, "The baby was up most of the night" or "She won't take a nap" type of thing. This is a child who, for the most part, has always been a great sleeper. Her sleep issues began right after Jared and I returned from our little getaway the first week of July. Initially, we thought she was just a little unsettled because we had been away. As it continued, we realized we were dealing with a bigger issue.
Her doctor has assured me that this is a phase. I have researched that a lot of three-year-olds go through this, however, after being up almost the entire night (for the 2nd time in 4 nights), I must say that I am confused and scared. Why won't she sleep? What are we doing wrong??
Facts:
1. She only drinks water and the occasional glass of milk (milk about once a week). No tea, no soda, and no juice.
2. She is an active child and is constantly on the go. She does not lead a sedentary lifestyle.
3. Sugar consumption is kept to a minimum.
4. She seems happy and content during the day.
5. She has a nightly routine that we always stick to and we put her to bed at the same time (most nights).
6. She has slept in her own bed on a regular basis since before she was a year old.
7. We always let her sleep with the light on in her closet.
All of these things tell me that she should be able to sleep, but she can't. It breaks my heart because I know she needs her sleep and I feel like I am failing her by not being able to figure out how to best achieve that.
We have tried EVERYTHING that we can possibly think of to get her to sleep. Encouragement, prayers, extra hugs and kisses, laying with her, singing to her, bribery, punishment, constantly putting her back to bed and not engaging in any conversations (the other night I did this 42 times before she finally stayed in her bed), leaving extra lights on, leaving her door open while she falls asleep, etc. In my exhaustion, I have said some things to her that I'm not proud of....nothing major, but probably to her have sounded pretty mean. That certainly hasn't helped, I'm sure.
Tonight...she FINALLY fell asleep at midnight (with her door open. closet light and light in the hallway on). She slept for less than two hours and did not go back to sleep until after 5:00 this morning. Unfortunately, I probably slept for about an hour during that time because it took awhile for me to get to sleep after spending four hours dealing with trying to get her to sleep. I have not slept since she went back to sleep because I am worried about her and have a long list of questions running through my mind. I'm afraid that she is going to get sick if she doesn't start sleeping. I am wondering if she is dealing with something internally that I'm not aware of yet. Does she just not feel secure in her house anymore? Am I doing something wrong during the day? Do we need to change her bedtime routine? Does she not like her room? Does she not feel safe? Does she just reach a point of exhaustion that makes it difficult for her to go sleep? Should she nap more; nap less? The questions won't stop.
Anyway...I don't even know what the point of blogging about this issue is. Maybe it's because I'm at my wits end and don't know what else to do. Maybe it's because I want to remember this in the future so that if I deal with Brogan doing the same thing at her age, I can read this and tell myself this is perfectly normal. Maybe it's because I'm hoping someone will read this and have a "been there, done that" story to share with me. Maybe it's because I want advice. Maybe it's because I need prayer. Maybe it's because it is 6:30 am and I have not had a decent night's sleep. Who knows.
If you do think about it, please do pray for her. I want my baby girl to be able to rest...and, yes, I want to be able to rest as well.
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