Too Much Pressure

I am on the brink of hyperventilating, so I thought I'd write a quick post instead. (I am positive I have already posted at least one other post like this in the past...so feel free to skip.) I have such a love / hate relationship with Pinterest, parenting blogs and Facebook. I try to stay off Pinterest most days, but after another rainy day, I succumbed to looking at it a little too long today. I have read so many great and creative ideas of activities to do with Addi and Brogan and some of the ideas have been a huge hit!  However, I ALWAYS end up feeling like a horrible mother because I feel I am not doing enough with my children.  I am not teaching enough, playing enough, singing enough, reading enough...blah, blah, blah.  Then I start to wonder if they are behind in their education and think that I have missed out on valuable opportunities to teach them life lessons in a way that will stick with them forever.  Sometimes I feel guilty that I removed them from daycare because they had more interaction with other kids when they weren't with me and maybe they would have learned more there than with me. Part-time wasn't even an option at their daycare and I desperately wanted to be home with them. I love that I am at home with them and yet I live under constant condemnation (from myself...not anyone else). So, here I am...once again in tears feeling like I'm not enough for these precious children that God entrusted in our care.  It's a tough battle...one I didn't realize was even potentially possible before I had kids.  Pre-kiddos, I was certain I would rock mommyhood.  I knew I would love my kids with all my heart and I do.  I also knew that I would care for and nurture them and I do.  I didn't realize that I would CONSTANTLY feel like I was screwing it all up.  My kids seem well-adjusted and happy.  They are learning.  They are loving to people.  It rips my heart out though if I think for a second that they are bored because I start to feel like they would be better off in someone else's care (during the day, not all the time).  I do know that boredom every now and then fosters creativity, but still I feel like I should be able to be a creative mommy every single day (multiple times a day), I should constantly have the household tasks completely under control, I should have playdates lined up multiple times a week and we should have designated school times every week day, etc.  Reality is though...while we are on a routine, sometimes we aren't. Sometimes we skip everything and just play, snuggle, read and goof-off the entire day.  Some days we don't even sing the alphabet and only count to ten because we do that when we play hide and seek.  Sometimes we watch multiple episodes of Barney because I just don't know what else to do, I need to focus on cooking / cleaning, or I just don't *feel* like playing / reading because I have been up for multiple nights in a row with a child (right now it is Addi...every.single.night...multiple times a night).  I know some of you may read those confessions and will agree that I'm screwing it up.  However, it's reality.  I just keep reminding myself...my babies, they know without a shadow of a doubt that mommy and daddy love them.  They know that at any moment of the day (when I am with them) they can run up to me and ask for a hug or a kiss and I will stop everything to grant their request.  They know that we think they are amazing, smart and funny.  They both know they are gifts from God.  They know they are royalty, too. ;)  They are at peace in our house.  Creativity and learning might be at a minimum on some days, but "I love you's" are said at least once every hour.  If I can just dwell on the positives and try not to focus on what I might be doing wrong, I think I will be OK.  At least for now...another moment of panic diverted by just typing this completely jumbled up  and unedited post.  If you read this far, you should seriously receive a reward.  So...I will gift you a token. In our house, when you receive 7 tokens you get a special surprise.  Works for the kiddos. ;)