Give God your...Mess.

I decided to challenge myself this year by linking up with a group of ladies who are inspired by the sweet Christian author, Holley Gerth. 

The link-up is for the Coffee for Your Heart 2014 Encouragement Challenge!

 

 I found Holley through my husband.  He brought home the book, “You're Already Amazing” for me one day (he chose it himself…cue the “awwws”) and I was immediately inspired by her knowledge and her ability to make you think that you are reading the words  a friend pinned just for you.  Seriously, if you haven’t read her writing, please, do yourself a favor and do so…soon.

Anyway, I struggled with this challenge from day one (in fact, I am two days late writing the first post). (They are supposed to be every Wednesday.)  Why the struggle?  I am well aware that I am not eloquent with words.  There are times that I read an inspiring post and think, “If only I could be gifted like that!”  It probably doesn’t help that I am married to a writer.  While most of his writing these days are about sports, the man can seriously write amazing and it kind-of makes me sick. ;) Also, my blog leaves MUCH to be desired.  It's not fancy, kind-of boring.  

The biggest reason though is that I am in a HUGE funk these days.  Depressed?  Maybe.  Not severely, but sort-of...though it scares me to even admit that.  Truth is...the day in, day out of staying at home with the kids is the biggest blessing I have ever received and also the hardest job I have ever had.  I have placed so much pressure on myself to be the best mommy, wife, and housekeeper ever that I have almost given up on all duties right now because I just feel so overwhelmed.  For any moms reading this who work another job in addition to being a mother, please know that I KNOW your job is hard.  Remember, I was there…the mom who barely saw her babies during the week, who cried on the way to work because I just wanted to be with my children, who struggled with guilt when dropping off a sick but “not sick enough for the daycare to notice” child and who came to view my job as the biggest curse in my life (even though it was a blessing to have at the time).   So, now, I struggle with guilt for not being more grateful…for sometimes wishing that I had more reason to get out of the house during the day (to somewhere that’s not a play place, shopping area or library), for actually missing the" rat-race" every now and then.  Sometimes I feel like I have no purpose, even though I know my purpose is right here at home right now.   I KNOW that I am beyond blessed….crazy blessed in fact with two healthy, happy children and a hard-working, God-fearing, spoils-me-rotten husband.  Still, something has been missing. This year, I intend on finding it.  Maybe it’s inspiration.  Maybe it’s just making a few (actually obtainable) goals and working towards them.  Maybe it’s just digging my heels…or actually my stay-at-home mommy flats that I now wear…in a bit deeper and pushing through this funk.  Maybe I need a gratitude journal?  Maybe I need more time to myself?  Maybe I need to suck it up?  Maybe…it’s all of the above??? 

While I ponder these questions, I know one thing is certain.  I need more of God and I need to give him my best.  Right now, my best is a mess.  That’s OK…he doesn’t require for me to be perfect.  He doesn’t require for me to come to him with my hair in place and dressed to the nine.  He doesn't want me to wait until the house is completely quiet and I have at least 30 minutes to spend in complete devotion to Him.  He doesn't want me to come only when I have made a spiritual to-do list complete with specific goals on how I plan on reading my Bible in a year, volunteer x number of hours, etc.  He just wants me to come.   He is willing to take all of me - all the mess - and mold it into something beautiful.  So, I challenge you in 2014 to do the same.   So, as Holley asked: 

“What encouraging words do you want the people you care about to hear as they begin a new year?”

Give God your best.  Lay aside the desire to be perfect and just give him your mess. 

I am excited to see what God has planned for my mess this year!  I am also excited to hear what God has planned for you! Blessings and hugs!