Good-Bye Ideal Me

This "mom funk" I've been in recently isn't disappearing.  At times, I think it's going away, but then it rears it's ugly head and it's all I can do to complete the day-to-day tasks without breaking down in a heap of tears.  It's been a rough few weeks, but in the midst of all of this, I've seen God's grace in amazing ways.  Several times He has gently reminded me that He sees me, hears me, and knows me.  It's remarkable really.  I've also experienced first hand how the enemy can get into my mind and wreak complete havoc...it's not pretty; it's horrible.  I have felt like a complete failure...not just a failure, but that I am really not cut out for the roles that I KNOW God has called me to have.

I know that God is telling me to lay down at His feet my ideal of the perfect mother and wife that I have conjured up in my head. He wants me to let Him show me what His ideal is of the imperfect, but godly wife and mother.  The painful  and embarrassing truth...it has been days (really more like multiple weeks) since I have picked up my Bible.  I have spent very little time in prayer (though I have made sure to pray for those that I have told I would). I have not taken time to just let God minister to me and talk to me.  What's even more painful to admit...I haven't even really wanted to. Little desire to do these things at all.

I love Jesus with all my heart and I love my husband and my children more than I can ever express, but in my attempts to try to live up to my ideal, I have forgotten to just demonstrate my love.  Demonstrating my love...that is enough.  If I let my love for God rule my life, I just know I will be amazed at the outcome.  If I focus on the love I have for my husband and children more than how I should be as a wife and a mother, I will probably excel in those areas.

Though, I am hard-headed and stubborn, God showed me grace and allowed me to read these articles today that helped me to really put everything into perspective.

The first one:

http://www.raisinggodlychildren.org/2013/01/dear-moms-jesus-wants-you-to-chill-out.html

Some excerpts:

Moms, Jesus wants you to chill out about being a mom. You don’t have to make homemade bread to be a faithful mom. You don’t have to sew you children’s clothing to be a faithful mom. You don’t have to coupon, buy all organic produce, keep a journal, scrapbook, plant a garden, or make your own babyfood to be a faithful mom. There’s nothing wrong with these things, but they’re also not in your biblical job description.

Moms, Jesus want you to rest in him. He wants you to chill out. His yoke is easy and his burden is light. Don’t compare yourself to other moms. Don’t try to be something God hasn’t called you to be. If the mom blogs are making you feel guilty, stop reading them. Be faithful to what he has truly called you to do, and know that he is pleased with you. When your kids are resting, don’t feel guilty about watching an episode of “Lost”, or whatever your favorite show may happen to be.

Love God, love your husband, love your kids. Keep it simple and chill out.

The second one:

http://sarahmae.com/2014/01/the-hidden-years/

Some excerpts:

These are the years I have to teach, train, influence, and disciple my babies. And once these years are gone, they’re gone. I will never get them back.

See, I don’t just want to get by in mothering; I want to mother with clarity and intention, seeking to raise Kingdom-minded children who will, Lord willing, go into the world with strength, and courage, and integrity, and faithfulness and a resolve to be light wherever God leads them. This doesn’t just happen, it takes hard work and time. And I don’t want to miss my chance.

I am 100% called to be a mom, and so I want to walk fully and faithfully into my calling. And when I do that, when I mother well (albeit quite imperfectly) I lay my head down at night and experience peace instead of regret or guilt. It is the best feeling ever. 

The first link was written in January 2013 and the other one today.  Yet, I truly feel it was by design that God had me read both today.  I felt like both women were speaking directly to me...writing directly from my heart. It was after reading the second article that it all "clicked" and clarity came.  It's time for me to relax, rest in Him and once and for all put aside my ideals.

What does this mean?  Am I giving up on my goals?  Absolutely not, but I am certainly reevaluating.  Am I giving up my desire to be the best servant I can be for Christ and the best wife and mother I can be?  No...in fact, I am getting back to the root of those desires...the desire to perform in my duties in the way that God wants me to, not in the way I think I should.  So, I'm saying goodbye to my Pinterest perfect idea of what my house should look like, how my meals should taste, or how my kids should learn.  This doesn't mean I won't get on Pinterest because I do LOVE the ideas that I have actually done...but I am going to put less pressure on myself and spend less time on there. I am going to keep FB just to post about my kiddos some (because a lot of people say they get encouragement and joy from reading about them and I do like to share about them) and to also keep up with out of town friends and family.  I am going to - for the most part - STOP reading so many mommy blogs (not personal blogs of friends that use it to provide updates in their lives).  I'm going to pare it down to a couple that I really gain encouragement and insight from and leave the others behind.  I am going to focus on teaching my children the important things in life...loving God, showing His love, serving others and being kind people with good manners.  The other stuff...the reading, writing, arithmetic...it will be dispersed some throughout the day, but not because I feel like we're competing with other children.  Life is going to look different around my house...less computer time, less comparing myself to others, and less stressing about the silly things.  In turn, there will be more love, more grace and more resting in my Father's arms.

“It is a kindness when (God) strips us of self-reliance, because it is there, in our emptiness and brokenness, that we experience the privilege of his sustaining grace. It is only when we arrive at the dreaded place of weakness that we discover the surpassing power of Christ.” - Elyse Fitzpatrick

I share all of this because maybe someone else will read this at a time that they need it and realize that they are not alone. If that's you...if you feel overwhelmed with life, please feel free to contact me so that I can keep you in my prayers (jennturner05 at gmail dot com).  No unsolicited advice will be given, no questions asked.

As I close, I just heard Jared listening to this song on his computer and it's perfect for how I am feeling right now.  Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lY_8Pp83xww