Our Precious Miracle!!!

I have waited to post this blog for a few reasons, but since I stink at sitting down and writing in a journal, and since I am now 14 weeks pregnant, I figured if I don't start capturing details of this pregnancy, I may never get around to doing it. Here's to hoping I will actually blog more than I recently have! :)

A bit of background...

After trying to conceive for a year, and taking a round of Clomid, I was told by a doctor last February that my chances of getting pregnant without meds were impossible and the outlook of getting pregnant and/or staying pregnant with meds didn't seem too great either. We were crushed. I'll never forget Jared's reaction to this news. As soon as I told him, he said it was like God told him to just praise Him. So he did and I did my best to follow his lead. Jared is an amazing spiritual leader of our home!!!

We learned so much about God during this time. Sure we hurt deeply, there was rarely (if any) a day that went by that we didn't think about it. I shed many tears of sorrow, but I also shed tears of joy just because God is God. How awesome and amazing He truly is. Our biggest prayer throughout this time was that God would align our desires to be exactly what His desires were for our lives. If this meant not having children - though we knew it would hurt - we were willing to accept it.

Not being able to shake the desire of wanting to have children, we decided to look into the adoption process. In June we went to a seminar to gather more information about adopting a child from Russia. We were excited about this idea...but not excited about the price. Just a side note: It's absolutely RIDICULOUS how much it costs to adopt a child. There are people longing to be parents, children longing to have parents, and yet the cost is so substantial that it can be nearly impossible for an average couple to adopt. We walked out of the seminar feeling a bit dejected, but we continued to pray and seek God.

In early July Jared finally convinced me to make another appointment with a new doctor to discuss fertility treatments - he even did the research to find out who I should go see. So sweet of him! :) Anyway, I reluctantly agreed, knowing that my insurance did not cover any treatments. I made the appt. for the first week in August just to put off the inevitable! About three weeks before the appointment, I started feeling a bit "off." I took a pregnancy test just because that is what I had grown accustomed to doing any time I felt weird. The test was negative. As the feeling continued and seemed to worsen, Jared and I were both getting a bit worried about what was wrong with me.

Finally, Thursday, July 30th, on a whim, I decided to get another pregnancy test though I truly felt like I was just wasting our money. I took the pregnancy test and it had two lines, which meant I was pregnant. I immediately took a picture of the test and sent it to my sister, Brandy who was enjoying a meal with her fiance. I'm sure that was an appetizing picture...haha! Anyway, she said they both saw two lines. I still didn't believe it and Brandy - being the voice of reason that she is - told me to wait until the morning and take another one. So at 4:30 in the morning I took another one and eventually there were two lines on that one. I STILL did not believe it. To keep a long story short, I took 4 more tests and was finally somewhat convinced that I was pregnant. I told Jared that Friday night (though I had to wait until we got back from a church dinner before I could tell him) and he was in complete shock, but very excited.

On Tuesday, August 4th, the appt. that was meant to discuss fertility options instead became an appt. to confirm our little miracle!!! We saw the baby on the screen and saw the heart beating and we were instantly in love with this amazing child who was only the size of a grain of rice. We walked out of the doctor's office, sat on a bench, and promptly called our parents to tell them the news. :)

We don't know why we had to go on the journey we did to get to where we are, but we are happy we did. It was a time that taught us a lot about God and ourselves and opened our eyes to a hurt that so many couples in the world endure - infertility. We NEVER want to forget the feelings we had during that time so that we can continue to empathize and pray for those who are still waiting for their little miracle. We also haven't felt released from adopting, and if God desires for us to adopt at some point, we will be thrilled to be able to do so. Who knows what God has in store!

We are continuing to pray for a safe and healthy pregnancy, a healthy and happy child, and most importantly that God will be glorified in all three of our lives. EVERY child is a miracle from God, but we can't wait to be able to tell our child why he/she is such an amazing miracle to us!! Our prayer is that our child will grow to love the Lord more than anything else in this world. Thank you for joining us on this journey!! :)

Focus and Remember

There are times when I am reminded of just how weak I am. Jared and I have received great news in the last couple of weeks (a blog about it all is coming soon!) and I am completely overwhelmed by what God is doing in our lives. We are so blessed!!!

Yet, with this amazing blessing has come much agony on my part. I have been an emotional wreck. Instead of dwelling on God and who He is (not even to mention what He has done), I have been worried sick that something bad is going to happen. I admit that I have been quite disappointed in myself. Why now, of all times, am I in such distress and how unfair am I being to God? The only conclusion that I can come to is that it's an attack. I was talking to a friend yesterday about how easy it seems to get so caught up in life's situations that we forget what God has already done. I am going to try really hard not to do that. In Psalms, David oftened referred to how he remembered what God had done in the past. In Philippians 4: 19 we are reminded to think on the things that are true, noble, just, pure, lovely of good report - and what's more wonderful to think about than God. When I remember what God has brought me through and I focus on God and who He is, an overwhelming peace and joy come over me. It's in these times that I can look up and say, "God, I KNOW that You are in control!"

A Blog by Jared

I am amazed by God - by both who He is and what He does. Almost every day I find myself more and more motivated to do something to help build His Kingdom. One of the things God has shown me recently is that you don't have to be a pastor, or any kind of clergyman for that matter, to share the love of Christ to the world. The sense of reward and satisfaction I feel by simply helping someone find a seat at church (I'm an usher) and taking up the offering has exceeded my wildest imaginations. Yet it is such a small, small sacrifice of time and energy compared to what Jesus did for us when he died for the redemption of our sins. I have come to the place in my life that I realize I don't need to try to always understand God. Sure, I want to know Him more, and I strive to do just that through prayer, scripture reading, church attendance, listening to Christian music in the car, etc. But God operates on a level that we cannot always (ever?) wrap our minds around. Who am I to question God because I don't have as much money as the guy down the street? Who am I to doubt God because I don't always get everything I want right when I want it? Who am I to bargain with God and say, "If You do this for me, then I'll do that for You." I am nothing but a sinner saved by grace - promising God I will do much of anything is just setting myself up for failure. Our pastor recently told the congregation he was thinking of putting fortune cookies on the communion table so people could learn something good about their future, because it seems that all we want as Christians is to be able so snap our fingers and BAM, the Lord just beams down whatever we want whenever we want it. So many people are looking for a word, a sign, a miracle so they can go back and say, "Look at what God did" (actually sometimes it's probably more like, "Look at what we did" but I won't go there right now). Do we not realize that God already did the miracle of all miracles when He raised Jesus from the dead and saved us from our filthy unrighteousness? Seriously. What else do we need to be convinced that God has the power to do great and supernatural things - even if He chooses not to. Here's the crux of the matter: God doesn't operate on our timetable; He operates on His. We don't know what we need to live happy, complete lives; He does. Just because God doesn't always grant our every desire at the moment we desire it doesn't mean He loves us any less. It simply means He is sovereign and we aren't. I think sometimes God must wonder how many times he must prove Himself for us to finally TRUST Him with everything - jobs, health, children, future, etc. I know what you're thinking: "Well, that's easier said than done for you, Jared." I'll admit I have lived a charmed life compared to a lot of people. But the thing to remember is that everyone endures trials, heartaches and emotions that only God can understand. The next time one comes your way, (and I'm preaching to myself here), why not just stop and thank God for being who He is and for what He's already done in your life. We are put on this earth for one purpose and one purpose only: To serve God. And if you're like me and all you're doing for Him at the moment is handing out bulletins and helping lead a Bible study for senior citizens once a month, it counts more toward eternity than all the trophies and riches in the world. All this being said, I leave you with the words of one of my favorite songs, one that we often sing at church near the end of services.Think about His loveThink about His goodnessThink about His graceThat has brought us throughFor as high as the Heavens aboveSo great is the measure of the Father's loveSo great is the measure of our Father's love

Always Present

Events that have transpired this week:
1. My stepdad, Bill's father was hospitalized - and we learned he would never come home
2. PRAYED HARD....multiple times!!! God sustained a great man while family from hundreds of miles came to see him.
3. We discovered water had saturated our living room carpet for the second time in less than a year
4. Prayed that I wouldn't lose it; I managed not to!
5. Met with our apartment manager after the water remained on our floor, virtually untouched for over 24 hours
6. Prayed that my mouth wouldn't get us thrown out of our usually wonderful apartment complex...it didn't; I was calm
7. "Jose" (some of you know who I am talking about!) ;)
8. Prayed that God will reveal everything in His time; I know that He will!
9. Jared's car broke down in a not so safe area
10. Prayed that this would be the last straw for Jared...it was!
11. Haggled with car dealers for 3 1/2 hours...to no avail
12. Prayed for patience...haha...I know...even so, we managed to maintain our clarity of mind.
13. Wised up and went to a better car dealership the next night...then another...finally, after 4 hours found a car
14. Prayed a prayer of THANKSGIVING! We have a new car!
15. Got lost going back to the dealership the next day to pick up the car, almost wrecked my car because of the rainstorm on the way...finally got there and signed on the dotted line.
16. Prayed Jared would drive our new car safely home; made it safe and sound!
17. Got a call at 1:00 A.M. this morning that Bill's father had passed away... :(
18. Prayed for my family; thanked God for Dee's amazing life -- God has been and will be glorified by the legacy he leaves.
19. Decided to take a half day off today...came home and discovered that maintenance had broken a lamp in our living room...and had not cleaned it up
20. Prayed I wouldn't cut myself cleaning up the mess; I didn't!
21. Cried as I watched "Birth Day" and scared myself by watching "Mystery Diagnosis" this afternoon
22. Prayed that I will be a great mother some day; prayed that I wouldn't contract an undiagnosable disease --Regardless...my steps will be guided by the Lord.

And it's only Fridayafternoon...those are just some of the events...and that's just a small list of the prayers. I can't imagine not having God to turn to when life is chaotic. God - on those weeks that I turn to You multiple times a day - and on those days where I go about practically failing to pay attention to You...THANK YOU for caring and for ALWAYS being there!!!!

Live for Today

When I moved to Blacksburg over 4 years ago, I remember sulking because I missed my friends and family so much.  In fact, I sulked so much that I believe I missed out on developing some really great friendships.  When we moved to Charlotte, I missed my job a lot!  I realized today that I actually have been yearning for that part of my life back and am missing out on what I do have - albeit a job that I'm not particularly fond of all of the time.  Lately I've been worried about the economy and what we would do if Jared or I lost our jobs, worried about friends and family and have agonized over a delayed dream.  It seems that there is always something to miss in the past and something to worry about in the future.  That's not how we're supposed to live!  Matthew 6: 34 says, "Therefore do now worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things.  Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."  That's not a very encouraging verse - unless you like thinking about how today has a lot of troubles - unless you read the verse before it, "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you."  Instead of thinking about the past, or worrying about the future, we should be focusing on seeking God and becoming more like Him now.  So I challenge you to look around and ask God to show you how to live today to the fullest. While it's nice to have memories and important to plan for the future, it's even better to live in the moment with your steps being directed by God.

Beach Bound

So excited to be headed to the beach for the week! :) Happy days ensue!! :)

Been awhile....

I didn't realize it had been so long since I last blogged...guess life is a bit crazy these days!

Things here are great, though I must say that tonight I'm a bit frustrated. Since I only know of 2 semi-faithful readers, I feel that I can go ahead and step right up onto my soap box.

Sometimes I DETEST ignorance. Granted, I know that I have had my fair share of times of making ignorant comments...and can only pray if my comments hurt anyone, that they have since been able to get past it and forgive (and hopefully forget!) about it.

Today I read a comment on Facebook that infuriated me. It shouldn't have. It wasn't a comment directed towards me, though it wouldn't surprise me if there wasn't an underlying hint for me to take from it, but I digress. Anyway, the comment hurt deeply. Poor Jared has listened to me complain about it and held me while I cried about it. The thing that bothered me so much about this comment was that it suggested if someone isn't in a certain phase of life, they haven't reached the pinacle of greatness that other people in this certain phase have. I'm sorry, but that's just stupid. To suggest this is to basically say that God doesn't seem to care as much for those who aren't in this phase of life. Well...you know what, God did not design robots! Who is to say that we're all supposed to graduate from college at 22, get a job in the career field of our dreams, get married, buy a house, have children, buy a larger house, become empty-nesters, become grandparents, retire and vacation for the rest of our lives (all in that order)? What about the people who gave up the American dream to become missionaries? What about the people who are having a tough time finding that special someone? What about the people who were in a certain field of work and then lost their job and had to go into another field? I believe each of us have a certain area (or areas) of life that things have not gone exactly as planned...some of us can make changes in those areas right away, others of us cannot. Regardless, God does not esteem the people who are in one phase of life higher than those who are not.

At least this comment made me realize again the complete importance of thinking of how my haphazard statements may make other people feel.

OK...I'm stepping down from my soapbox.

Hope everyone has a great week (all two of you!) ;)